Things like Drizzly Bear or Irrelephant
My mom, wondering if we had enough leftovers to save: "What do you think?" Dad: rips a disgusting eggplant-induced fart......."Did you say,'what do you stink'?" Mom to me, as I'm laughing hysterically: "Do you see what I have to live with?!"
I'm training for this ahead of time.
Edit #1: Thank you reddit. I think you ensured I will be getting divorced. Don't let up, it's full steam ahead.
Edit #2: My wife hates train puns. I sent her screen shots. She's on to my loco-motives.
Edit #3: I'm speechless. Largely because it's like 6am and I want to stay quiet to not wake up my wife, she's out coal'd, snoring like a freight train. I feel like you all really railed it with these jokes. I hope that she doesn't chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga choose choose to divorce me. I couldn't wait until the train ride. I told my wife some of the jokes. I working on a YouTube compilation of them from last night. I feel like she conducted herself quite well.
Edit #4: [These jokes were off the rails. Here is the YouTube link of my wife's reaction so far.] (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ)
Edit #5: I'm about to start training.
All I did was to win the lottery....They came running to me.
I wrap things in five layers of icing and put a cherry on top.
related. Oops. 🤦
There's a vas deferens between boys and girls.
I said, "OK. I'll give it arrest.
The kneeopotamus!
it’s morning.
"I’m never included in anything either!"
Rabbit poop must be delicious.
She's anise of mine.
Field goals
Remains to be seen.
It is an incect now
Not for me, just ass skin for a friend
Work in a kitchen, and all the chefs today are working a long shift. Want to hear as many chef or cooking or catering related puns and jokes as I can to help improve morale
I'm a barnacle fighter
That explains why there's so many fungais
It’s Massachusetts divided by Volumeachusetts.
Arse skin for a friend.
He's a fun guy
An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."
It seems like only yesterday.
Things that we can say about food that sounds very sexual? Any ideas welcome!
That way, I can keep a low pro file.
I want to make a joke about a rich fruit, and so am need to choose a fruit best associated with wealth, riches having lots of money, etc..
Can any of you pun masters help me out?
Puns about math and thieves/burglars?
Now I'm stuck with a bunch of cross-aunts
....is to win the lottery.
How do you kill a blue elephant? (How?) With a blue elephant gun.
How you you kill a pink elephant? (With a pink elephant gun?) No, you hold its trunk til it turns blue then shoot it with the blue elephant gun
Why do elephants paint their toenails red? (No clue...?) So they can hide in cherry trees
Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? (Of course not) Then clearly it works
Until I learned it wasn’t the Alabama kind.
They hate it when you have a beef with them. And last year they seemed offended when I gave them the bird.
He asked what was wrong and they told him that his wife had died and that they were preparing to bury her.
The man replied: "that's grave news!"
A calcu-gator
A Luigi board
Antacid
He treks his way up the incline at the bottom, slowly getting steeper as he makes his way upward. He eventually reaches the base of a large rock formation, which is much steeper, and makes his way up and around, through a winding trail running along a narrow ledge.
As he reaches the top, he finds a large, relatively flat area, where another hiker is standing near the edge, admiring the landscape. He walks over and stands next to the man, also taking in the view.
The man says to him, "It sure is a gorgeous view from up here, isn't it? The hike is pretty grueling, and you might wanna turn back a few times, but once you get to the top and look out over the whole desert, completely flat and stretching out as far as the eyes can see, you remember why you decided to climb this mountain."
He turns to the man and says, "It sure is, she's a butte."
Pump kin
But for whatever reason, it was much more difficult to deter gents.
I said, “OK…..I’ll give it arrest”
