Wherein my dad helps me cook.
I asked my dad for a little help with a recipe the other day.
"Dad, what do I need for red beans and rice?"
"Oh, some celery, a bell pepper, an onion, some Tony's, a pound of rice, a pound of sausage, and 239 kidney beans."
"Why not just a pound of beans?"
"Well, if you add just one more, it'll be too-farty!"
Almost got stabbed to bring you this one...
My wife was working on a green bean casserole and couldn't find one of the ingredients.
Wife: Have you seen the can of fried onions?
Me: What does it look like?
Wife: White container, red writing.
Me [Feigning hopeful tones]: Little red writing?
Wife [Relieved]: Yeah!
Me: ...hood?
Wife brandishes knife.
