Re Offender Puns

The steaks are low.

That makes me a re-Pete offender

One of my coworkers is a transsexual. He (formerly she) was telling me about some of his struggles.

"I had to go up to the corporate level in order to be able to use the restroom. Some people here were uncomfortable with me using either the mens or women's room when they found out."

"So, what you're telling me is. You had to fight for your right to potty?"

At first he facepalmed and sighed, admittedly I was a little worried I might have offended him... But he did get a chuckle out of it.

He frowned a little.

"What's that?" he asked.

"Anything these days," I said.

"Huh?" he asked.

"Anything these days," I said.

"I don't understand. Explain?" he asked.

"Anything these days," I said.

He sighed loudly.

"Are you crazy, dad?" he asked.

"Anything these days," I said.

"Dad, snap out of it. What's going on?" he asked.

"Anything these days," I said.

"Dad! Dad! Come on. Tell me what you mean?" he asked.

There was a pause.

"Anything these days," I continued.

At this point he was enraged and yelled, "Jesus Christ, I've had enough of this nonsense. What on Earth are you doing? Have you lost your mind? Jees. You're driving me insane!"

There was a silence.

"This is the world we live in," I concluded. "You can't say anything these days without offending someone."

...for cheating on tests. The wife's aunt/uncles were all giving their opinions.

Uncle: They're going to jail for like 5 years! I think they should have just lost their jobs.

Me: Yea, I agree. And also make them register as...test offenders!

My dad was taking my girlfriend home and I was coming with, in the car we were talking about Little Britain and we were talking about the old lady that pees everywhere.

Me: You know they got in a lot of trouble because of those sketches.

Gf: Really?

Me: Yeah, from the Continence Society.

pause

Me: They could barely contain themselves...I'm so sorry, that was in bad taste.

Gf: You're going to Hell.

Dad: You're taking the piss.

I am genuinely sorry if my joke did offend anyone, I just wanted to share my dad's quick comeback because it had all of us laughing.

I guess that makes me a re-Pete offender.

Sorry if you’re a-Pauled.