2021 is a confusing time...

...because last year was 2020, but next year will be 2022.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2021
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Where do you learn how to make ice cream?

Sundae school.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hardcoredad
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
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I don't believe in hitting my children as punishment....

I just send them to school in Justin Bieber shirt and Crocs and let the other kids beat them instead.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2021
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2014 didn't jog

2015 didn't jog 2016 didn't jog 2017 didn't jog 2018 didn't jog 2019 didn't jog 2020 didn't jog

This is a running joke

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2021
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A Southern college guy goes to Florida for Spring Break

His objective is to hook up with fancy, Eastern girls. He sees a couple and walks up to them:

"Where do y'all girls go to school at?"

They say "Yale"

He says "WHERE DO Y'ALL GIRLS GO TO SCHOOL AT?!?!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ztreHdrahciR
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2021
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Where do you learn how to make a banana split?

Sunday school

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Za_Warudo84
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2021
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I witnessed an interesting incident at the mall the other day

This guy walks out of a store screaming how they're cheats and frauds. He then proceeds to knock over a mannequin and a few other decorations.

He then buys a coffee, is a jerk to the cashier and then spills some on the floor. He walks away and snaps his fingers at the janitor to clean it up.

The last straw was when he walks up to a group of school kids and starts ranting about how they should drop out of school and rise up against the establishment.

Security finally escorted him out kicking and screaming. Finally things calmed down a bit.

All in all, it was just another dick in the mall.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LateralAxes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2021
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How do young bees get to school?

Why, the school buzz, of course!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2021
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Why are fish so smart?

They spend a lot of time in schools

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πŸ‘€︎ u/THPSROCKS
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2021
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Unfortunate events

There was this guy, mid to late twenties, black hair, just average next door type of guy. Mind you, he's not a dad yet. He's a honest worker who worked his way up in his job and makes a decent living for a man of his age. When he was a kid he was not extremely sharp and people would make fun of his stupidity. But he didn't care about that. He gave all he could and went abroad to get the best education from the best university of his time. He graduated top of the class. The he came back to his home town, got a job and fell in love with a beautiful young girl. They were about to get married but unfortunately for some reason god went "hmmm he's doing good for someone his age, better have small chat with him" and took him and he dropped dead just days before his wedding day. The bride who was about to get married to that man was absolutely devasted. She was so in love but unfortunately that didn't end well. She shut herself off from the world and cried every night. Lucky, for her the man left all he earned to be passed on to her if he happened to pass away before her. Then after a year of grieving the girl pulled herself out of her sadness and seclusion and bought a nice house for herself and settled there. But she never got married or made love The on one nice evening the women decided to go to the nearest pub and get some social interaction. She saw this young lad drinking booze all by himself and noticed he kinda looked sad. The lady decided to talk to that guy because she knew how miserable sadness can be. So she initiated a convo with that young lad. The lad took notice of the effort and kind heart of the lady and decided to share his life story, how he grew up in farm house and how he loved farming and all. He was rather peculiar about tractors and such farm equipments, spoke like someone describing about their love of their life. The lady noticed his love for his profession and inquired more. He went on to talk about tractors and all and how he dreamt of riding one when he was a kid and everything. He proceeded to tell how a few years ago a terrible accident made him hate the very tractors he loved as a kid. For someone who inquired more, the lady got tired of hearing about farm equipments and decided to call her day off and told the guy she's going to head back to her house. It was late night about half past 10 and so the lad offered to walk her home. The lady and the lad started to walk down the sub urbs, where the houses were distant and people occup

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/uberdumb
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2021
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Not to brag, but yesterday I beat our local chess champion in less than 5 moves.

Finally my high school Karate lessons came to some use.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
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I apologise if this isn't allowed.

New to this subreddit. I know the point of this thing is to share funny jokes, but since I'm a newbie I hope you'll allow me this one opportunity to make a serious but friendly PSA: If you're lucky enough to have a father, don't take him for granted. Even when they scold or punish you, trust their judgement, it's likely for good reason even if you can't see it at the time. When I was a child I narrowly avoided a horrific accident in which 4 of my friends were electrocuted at a playground we used to play on every day after school. I used to hate my old man for being so strict and disciplining me when all of my friends got to run wild, but if it weren't for him I definitely would have been electrocuted too that day. But I wasn't. I was grounded.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoThruTrucks
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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If you guys thought 2020 was over, I have bad news....

Next year is 2020 too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maxpowers2009
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
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Puns for the name β€œLierin”? (Lee-air-in)

At my high school there’s a tradition for the seniors to get sweatshirts with punny names on the back. I’ve already thought of mine but my friend is at a loss. Her name is Lierin, accent on the second syllable, pronounced β€œLee-air-in”. any ideas?

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πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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I need to learn how to take care of my new tree

So I'm going to nursery school.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gideonindc
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
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My daughter claims her school is huanted and wanted to call the ghost busters.

I told her to call the cheerleading squad instead. Figured they might know the school spirit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
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We had a bit of an awkward moment at home a while back...

My wife and I were doing a bit of roleplay in the bedroom. I had just handcuffed her to the bedhead when we heard one of the kids turning the door handle. I quickly threw the covers over the both of us and in walked my 7 year old son. He noticed the handcuffs, went really quiet and had this confused look on his face. After 15 seconds or so he asked my wife why she was handcuffed to the bed. She blushed and had to come up with a lie on the spot. She stammered out that daddy was just practicing with the handcuffs for his new job as a policeman and that my son should just go back into the lounge room and watch some TV.

A few weeks later I was asked to careers day at my son's school. My son stood up with me in front of the class and proudly announced his daddy was a policeman and that I lock up baddies. I didn't want to embarass him so I just played along. It turns out I was the one who was about to be embarassed. One of the kids asked if my son had ever seen me at work. My son said no but that he had seen me practicing using handcuffs on his mom. It went right over the kids heads but the teacher was very amused and couldn't stop giggling. I guess my wife and I would have been the hot topic in the staff room that day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/THPSROCKS
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2021
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Teachers take too long to grade assignments.

I don't get why teachers take a lot of time grading. Just go to an elementary school because they have a room of 30 second graders. They can literally get their grading done in under a minute!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/megazonex
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2021
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Dad - "Why were your late to school today?"

"Dad, there was a sign that said 'Slow Down, School Ahead'".

Dad - proudly cries

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rohit59370
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2021
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I was taught to never use the Oxford comma

by Mrs. Henderson, my high school English teacher and a first-rate whore.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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Is hindsight 20/20?

Or is 2020 in hindsight?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dinnen1
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
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Did you know that Tesla was an avid news reader?

He liked to keep up with current events

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pathrado
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
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I was dismayed this afternoon when my wife told me my 6-year-old son wasn't actually mine.

She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
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A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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I ripped my pants yesterday.

It was pretty em-bare-ass-ing.

Edit: May or may not be based on real events.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cylasbreakdown
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
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Which animals are the biggest nerds?

Fish, because they spend all their time in schools

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πŸ‘€︎ u/martianrome
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
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What is keeping a bunch of fish in an aquarium called?

Home-schooling

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nononsenseson
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
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Menopause....

When a school of small fish stop suddenly.

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πŸ“…︎ May 19 2021
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Makeup day

I told my dad the school was having a makeup day to cover any missed work, and he, typical dad, goes β€œthey’re teaching you to put on makeup?” (I’m a straight male)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hiimafoot
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
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Who is in charge of the pencil box?

The ruler

Credit to my elementary school niece

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aikijo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
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The name of next year is literally

2020 won

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LegitTurboDude
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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Why did the skeleton run away from home?

Because he had no body!

Tomorrow is joke day at school for my kindergartner so I went to tell my daughter a joke to tell. Tells me she already had one and tells me this! Lol proud dad..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pabl0nG
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
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Schools...

I don't know what they're teaching kids in schools these days. I asked my son what rhymed with orange, and he said nothing. Nothing? Those two words don't even sound alike!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaddyObanion
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
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The O.Henry Pun-Off is back β€œON!” - Tongues of puns linger
  • Like all cherished things in this covid-crazy world, the O.Henry Museum’s famous free, family friendly celebration of the wit-in-word will take place virtually in cyberspace this year. With an awesome live cast of lively wits and tortured tongues, the online audience will be treated to all the linguistic twists, dramatic turns, and surprise endings they’ve groan to love. Expect to witness wacky word butchers and voracious verbivores from around the globe, all worming their way into your ears. Tongues of tradition, tension and camaraderie make this the premier event for the world's competitive wordplay community
  • Brought to you this year by the City of Austin, Brush Square Museums Foundation, and co- sponsored by Austin's very own Fantastic Magic Camp, as well as the internationally renowned podcast, Pun Intensive, The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition will commence Saturday, November 21, 2020
  • Preliminary live rounds begin Saturday, November 21, 2020, at 11:00am CST, lasting about 2 hours. Later that evening, live competition resumes at 7:00pm CST with head-to-head prime time heats. - See Pun-Off.com for schedule details, links, and more.

[Austin, TX, November 1, 2020] - Although traditionally held outdoors on a single day in the spring, the first portion 2020 the O. Henry Museum Pun-Off competition known as Punniest of Show was conducted via video in October. Now on Saturday, November 21, 2020, PARD will bring you their most popular second segment, O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition

This free, fun, and family friendly event will take place online this year, but with special twists, turns, and surprise modifications to make it the perfect 2020 event for the world's competitive wordplay community.

The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships have been an Austin institution for 43 years. As usual, the contest will feature a cavalcade of word-class wordsmiths from across the globe, all worming their way into your art. Join and enjoy us as they compete to spontaneously spit out the most absurd words you’ve ever heard.

The event will be live streamed at PunIntensive.com.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bpcombs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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Why is North Korea so evil?

Because they have no Seoul.

Edit: Thanks for the support and for my first award everyone! I can’t take credit for the joke itself as a friend who passed a number of years made it up in high school, but I’m sure he’d be ecstatic to see the number of updoots and laughter it’s brought.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fourchubio
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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Why can't most sharks and whales read?

They are not part of a school

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zetafunction64
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
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The man stood up after a rousing speech, took a bow and marched out triumphantly.

He was protesting against violins in schools.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bttrflyr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
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What is yellow and something you shouldn't drink?

A School bus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blaytboi0
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
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One of these days HR is gonna get called...

Talking amongst the office about current events and the Matt Gaetz scandal came up.

Coworker "An older guy in power taking advantage of young women? That's a tale as old as time..."

Me "From what I've seen the tail wasn't even 18..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anix421
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
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I hate it when I see an old person...

....and realise we went to school together.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
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I need like 100 puns!

At my high school there's an annoying dude who hates puns so if you have any really bad ones I need you to comment...

I'm gonna send him to PUNintentiary!

I won't stop till he PUNches me!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/South_Bathroom
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
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We thought we were done with 2020 forever

But next year is 2022 (2020 too).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Colinmacus
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
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Not to brag, but yesterday i beat the state chess champion in less than five moves.

Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/poshnoshlosh
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
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I was gutted this afternoon when my wife told me my 5 year old son wasn't actually mine.

She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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