We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What was Micheal Jackson's favourite snack?

Nachos!

(for non-hindi speakers, nacho means dance in hindi)

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/srthkjoshi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did Bruce Springsteen hurt his leg?

He was dancing in the dark.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
The other day I saw a large number of bread rolls moving rhythmically to music.

They were doing it in a-bun-dance.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/keychainoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a prom with the same theme every year?

A redun-dance.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/legendary-jake
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Prom night

It was time for the prom at Klondike High School and Tim's friends were desperately trying to convince him to go. He considered it, but was very self-conscious of the fact that he had had an accident as a young child that caused him to lose his eye, and the best his family could afford was to buy him a wooden eye. After several days of goading, Tim finally decides to go.

Sally was in a similar situation. Her friends desperately wanted her to go prom with them, but she was recently in a car accident and lost her right leg. She had a prosthetic, but it was very uncomfortable, so she had a hard time walking. Reluctantly, she agreed to go.

It was the night of the prom and both Tim and Sally were getting all gussied up with their friends. They both make it to the prom, but when they arrive, they are both too nervous to dance. Tim's friends notice Sally sitting on the wall and say to him, "Look over there! There's a cute girl who's all alone and needs a partner to dance with. Why don't you go over there and ask her to dance?" After some further convincing, Tim sheepishly begins to walk over to Sally to ask her. As he approaches her, he getes nervous, and awkwardly stands in front of her for a few seconds before saying, "Wuh...wuh...would you like to dance with me?"

Excitedly, Sally exclaims, "Would I? Would I?"

Tim responds angrily, "PEG LEG! PEG LEG!"

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pensrule2007
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walks in to a bar. On the bar is a duck tap dancing on a biscuit tin.

He is amazed and wants to buy the duck. The man refuses at first but eventually agreed. As the man walks out of the bar the now owner of the duck shouts. Excuse me how do i stop the duck tap dancing. Simple says the man lift up the tin and blow out the candle......

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
The Letdown

A high schooler wants to ask his best female friend to prom. Because they’ve been friends for so long, he really wants to make his β€œpromposal” special. He talks to his friends, he talks to her friends, and spends days planning the perfect moment. Happily, she says yes!

Over the next couple of months, she sends him different styles and colors of ideas for her dress. He tells honestly that she’s always been beautiful to him, and privately to himself, he is now realizing he has strong feelings for her. He knows he needs to tell her.

The night of the prom, he’s extremely anxious. What if he says something stupid? What if she laughs at him or doesn’t return his feelings? What if she thinks he’s a terrible dancer? All of these thoughts are swirling around in his mind as both their parents fuss over them and make them pose for a million photos.

They get to the prom and he’s even more anxious. It’s dark, it’s loud, it’s crowded. They have to shout to be heard. But she grabs his hand, leads him to the dance floor, and they forget everything and everyone around them. A while later, as the songs have gotten slower, he can feel his heart pounding. He thinks it’s finally the right time. He leans down and whispers the truth in her ear, the truth about having loved her since they met in second grade. She starts to cry happy tears, saying she’s always loved him too, and they kiss. As the song ends and changes to something fast again, he asks her if she’d like to sit and have a drink. She says yes, could he please get her some punch?

He feels like he’s walking on clouds as he goes over to where the drinks and food are laid out. He wants to get back to her right away and hopes he doesn’t have to wait too long at the refreshments table.

He makes his way through the crowd, and is able to get their drinks and return to his waiting love within just a couple of minutes. Because, would you believe it?

There was no punch line.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrsBunnyPants26
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy asks a girl to go to a dance.

She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally, he gets his suit. HeΒ decides to buy flowers, so he goesΒ to the flower shop. The flower shopΒ has a long line, so he waits and waits, untilΒ he finally buys flowers. He picks up the girlΒ and they go to the dance. There is a long lineΒ into the dance, so they wait and wait. Finally,Β they get into the dance, and the guy offersΒ to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch,Β so he goes to the drink table, and there isΒ no punch line.

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LucianoMercuri__
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Are you taking people's temperature at your son's party?

Only if your dances moves are hot

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ihatemycat92
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the lost disciple enter a male strip club?

It was looking for guy-dance.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/extraposer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Can you tuna fish?

It’s this fun new dance move that is best when danced to the tune of phish!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/trollfaceguy1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to a strip club for blind people

The girls there were dancing like nobody was watching

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/imalilfatgirl
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
🚨︎ report
In order to stay healthy during this pandemic, I’ve been dancing in public while insulting people.

I practice social diss dancing.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I think I had my first dad joke moment

I was driving my daughter (10F) to her dance class. Although we have taken this route countless times before and she never said a word about it before, she did this time and said as she was looking out the window while driving by a particular area, "Why would anyone build a daycare next to a cemetery?"

Without thought, I said "I don't know, but I bet their neighbors are quiet"

There was a second or two pause and then she said "Daaaaaaad."

My chest puffed up with pride for several miles as I thought I had just crossed the line into Dad Jokedom!

πŸ‘︎ 225
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Every year on July 4th a group of ants get together inside a pen and have a dancing party.

It's "In the Pen Dance Day"!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/defa90
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I rewired the electric stove today, and my wife was overjoyed...

She spent all afternoon holding onto it and dancing with happiness.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
The bartender does a little jig whenever he opens a new keg.

It's a tap dance.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What was the hit dance of 1776?

Indepen-dance

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TempleOfBone
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
So my kids want to become a Boy Band

I went to their first practice, and they spent the whole time tripping over each other while trying to dance.

I guess they weren't N-Sync.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Calmfan5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Booger Jokes

How do you make a tissue dance? You put a BOOGIE in it. I know, it’s SNOT a good joke.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Legit-Sonic
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
🚨︎ report
A man with a wooden eye is sitting at a bar

While there, he is wanting to find a lady to dance with. He sees a lonely lady across the bar with a peg leg, and decides to talk to her.

He says, β€œWould you dance with me?”

Excited, she says β€œWould I?? Would I??”

He gets mad and says β€œPeg leg! Peg leg!”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/konajones
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Interviewer: How would you describe yourself?

Me: Verbally. But I’ve also prepared a dance.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/02K30C1
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
So a teenage boy asks a girl out to prom

He asks her out, and he needs to plan, so first, he needs his tuxedo.

So he goes to the tuxedo shop, and there's a huge line of people there, so he waits for 30 minutes, then an hour, and he finally gets his tuxedo.

Then, he needs to rent a limo, to look nice and formal and everything, so he walks into the limo rental shop, and again, there's a huge line, so he waits for 30 minutes and then an hour goes by, then 2, and he finally gets his limo.

On the night of the prom, he pulls up to her house with the limo, and she gets in, and on their way to the prom building, a huge traffic jam happens! So they wait, and then 30 minutes goes by, then an hour, and they finally arrive at the building!

So they walk in, take some pictures, and dance for a bit, and after a while, the girl asks, "hey can you get us some punch?"

So the boy walks over to the punch bowl and guess what?

There's no punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/infinityglitches
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I threw a ball for my dog today

He couldn't understand why everyone was dancing.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bigbrainbingi
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What is popcorn's favorite movie?

In-the-pan-dance Day

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Surlebecque
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom...

....First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.

Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.

Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SledgeHog
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2018
🚨︎ report
All year, I've been telling my friends I just want to meet someone, fall in love be married by my next birthday...

which was my 40th birthday. The BIG Four Oh! As in "Oh, you're 40 and not married? What's wrong with you?"

And my friends, as awesome as they are, kept setting me up on blind dates, but I never seemed to click with any of the women. Pretty women, short women, tall women, rough women, successful women, lazy women - I dated them all and more often than not, they just weren't interested in me.

I think I probably went on twenty or so dates that never resulted in a a single follow up date.

But two months before my birthday, I started dating two women and both fledgling relationships seemed like they were going somewhere as they were getting really, really serious. I couldn't choose one, but I didn't care. I just couldn't believe they were into me. Okay, maybe they weren't the best looking, but I was so desperate for a wife, and I'm definitely no prize myself.

With a few weeks to go before my birthday, I knew I had to act if I had any hope of being married. I bought two rings and proposed to them both (on separate nights, of course) and they both said no. In fact, though they never knew of each other, I went from two good things to both of them not returning my calls. I guess proposing in a mall food court (for Jenny) or down on my knees in front of the bathroom at a minor league baseball game (Susan) were not my best laid plans, doomed to fail. Or maybe I just reeked of desperation.

So the morning of my birthday, I was practically in tears, deep in depression as I knew I missed my deadline. But my friends came though, kind of. They took me out bar hopping and then we all went back to my place where they had a stripper waiting in my favorite chair. She got up, sat me down, and gave me a grinding lap dance. She said nothing, but after a minute, stopped, turned around, looked me in the eye and said "one." Then she started up again, stopped after a minute, turned around and said "two..."

This went on all night until she got to "forty."

It's been a few months now, and I'm not too sad. My friends really tried to get me married, and after two near mrs, I guess it was the thot that counts.

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I ran into my kid’s teacher outside of school today.

It was heartbreaking, she was working at her second job. It’s depressing that teachers are so underpaid and unappreciated. So I gave her an extra $50 for the lap dance.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlabamaMayan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
A True Story

So this needs a little backstory.

About 10 years ago my wife and I went to see the comedian Jim Gaffigan in Santa Rosa, CA where we live. About 2/3 the way through his set, he did an old Steve Martin bit. I leaned over to my wife and said quietly (or so I thought,) "Steve Martin called, he wants his bit back."

Apparently Mr. Gaffigan heard me, because he did the last 1/3 of his set staring at his shoes.

Flash forward to last night. We were at a public event with TONS of people, loud music, dancing, whatever. Some guy walked by wearing an outrageously funny outfit, and I leaned very close to my wife's ear to make a comment about it. She mildly upset and said, "Don't do a Jim Gaffigan," she said.

I blinked and leaned in again and said, clearly: "You mean...Don't make a Jim Gaffe Again?"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dramboxf
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Ran into Rick Astley. He gave me his entire Pixar collection, except one of them.

He started dancing and said, "Never gonna give you 'Up'."

πŸ‘︎ 86
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do butchers all like meatballs?

They are a great place to meet and dance with other butchers.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/marycartlizer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Why couldn’t the skeleton dance?

It had no body to dance with

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm thinking of opening a bar where everyone insults everyone else while moving to the music...

I think my idea of social diss dancing would go over well!

πŸ‘︎ 156
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?

He had no”body” to dance with

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/URLcrazy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to a seafood disco

and I couldn’t dance because I pulled a mussel.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wings_of_Fire312
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don’t ants have balls?

Because the don’t like to dance.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cerealspiller69
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 74
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do mice have such small balls?

Because not many of them know how to dance...

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.