Why does a duck have tail feathersβ¦.
To cover its butt quack
So the rope goes outside and thinks for a minute. He twists himself up and messes up his hair and goes back in.
βHey ainβt you that rope I just kicked outta here?β βNope. Iβm a frayed knotβ
The librarian whispers "They're right behind you."
Continental Drift.
Sleigh-er
The man replies " It's A knicknack, patty whack, give the frog a loan, his old mans a rolling stone (also I meant Mick jagger my autocorrect sucks balls)
and the second turns to the first and says βJeramy, whatβs wrong with you?β
Psalm 41
..it's an oxidant waiting to happen.
Did you know that NASA sent a chicken to the moon?
You remember the a pollo missions.
He was stapled to the chicken.
Nickelaus Coppernicus
who asks: what can I help you with today?
She replies: I have recently sprouted 10 additional breasts, and now have 12, you gotta help me doc!
The doc replies: Wow, that definitely complicates things, doesn't it
I am easily lead.
His objective is to hook up with fancy, Eastern girls. He sees a couple and walks up to them:
"Where do y'all girls go to school at?"
They say "Yale"
He says "WHERE DO Y'ALL GIRLS GO TO SCHOOL AT?!?!"
The bartender asked "why the big pause"
The bear replies "I was born with them"
She tells her doctor, βDoc, youβve got to help me because I canβt stop farting. Luckily it doesnβt smell or make noise, but something must be wrong with me because farts constantly. As I was waiting In the waiting room I was letting them go right and left! Why Iβve farted five or six times just sitting here talking with you.β
The doctor says, βTake these pillsβ one in the morning and one in the evening and come back in one week.β
After the week goes by she returns to his office but she is madder than a hornet! When the doctor comes into the examination room she immediately yells, βI donβt know what you gave me, but now my farts smell awful! Itβs terrible!! Itβs like something crawled up me and died! What did you do?!?β
The doctor replied, βWell now that we have your nasal passages unclogged letβs see what we can do about your hearingβ¦β
The waiter asks him what heβd like to order. The man says, βIβm not sure what I want.β The waiter says, βHow about the duck?β And the duck says, βIβm having the lasagne.β
He goes undercover
A cow with no lips
-My 6 year old just now.
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
The nurse says, "I am sorry sir your Dad is pronounced dead.
The man says, " I can't believe I have been pronouncing it wrong the whole time.
Mind if I say a word?" She says: "Please do." The man clears his throat and says: "Plethora."
The widow replies: βThanks that means a lot.β
And another:
Mind if I say a word?" She says: "Please do." The man clears his throat and says: "Bargain."
The widow replies: βThanks that means a great deal.β
"Do you sell flip flips ?"
Goodwill Hunting
It becomes pasteurized
"Hey there , twerking hard or hardly twerk?
You know... at the hippocampus.
A night
βDo-do or do-do not, there is no try.β
The one with the lowest ΞΌ
Off-putting
A lead singer.
She said "Fine... How much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"
But not so for iron which is ironic
Its butt!
She says: βThatβs because I was sickβ.
And then it dawned on me
Con-descending
The doctor asks him, "How long have you suffered from that condition?" The guy tells him, "Since next Monday."
"People like you make me sick!".
