DAD JOKES ARE NOT DIRTY.

Go post NSFW jokes somewhere else. If I can't tell my kids this joke, then it is not a DAD JOKE.

If you feel it's appropriate to share NSFW jokes with your kids, that's on you. But a real, true dad joke should work for anyone's kid.

Mods... If you exist... Please, stop this madness. Rule #6 should simply not allow NSFW or (wtf) NSFL tags. Also, remember that MINORS browse this subreddit too? Why put that in rule #6, then allow NSFW???

Please consider changing rule #6. I love this sub, but the recent influx of NSFW tagged posts that get all the upvotes, just seem wrong when there are good solid DAD jokes being overlooked because of them.

Thank you,

A Dad.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Von_Bostaph
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 18 2021
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There are only two white people in the movie Black Panther

Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.

They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.

I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jzagri
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 24 2021
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What did the left eye say to the right eye when they got married?

'Eye-do'

This is my first post pls don't kill me lol.

The people in the comment section is why I love this subreddit!!

Cred once again my sis wants credit lol

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tieyz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 27 2021
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What was a very common name in the middle ages?

I heard parents named their children lance a lot.

First post please don't kill me

Edit: i went to sleep and now my inbox is dead, thank you kind strangers for the awards!

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/give_me_my_identity
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 24 2021
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so many choices
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SailorNebula
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 07 2021
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Apologies if it's a bit corn-y
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mediashiznaks
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 26 2021
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Well that didn't cross my mind
πŸ‘οΈŽ 6k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JasonPetreasCoach
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 11 2021
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He knows too much
πŸ‘οΈŽ 6k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Potato_salad123
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 24 2021
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where do pirates get their hooks?

second hand stores!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bigus-_-dickus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 25 2021
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3.14159265387279 snek
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/After-Satisfaction-3
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 20 2021
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Did you know 10+10 and 11+11 are the same?

10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/theimmortalmeluhan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 27 2021
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How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced?

A buck-an-ear!

I Thank ye kind Matey for the booty! I be truly overwhelmed! Thank you!

Holy cow! Thank you everyone for the upvotes and awards! I wasn’t expecting this!

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/motherduck5
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 25 2021
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Rock bottom
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Theo19555
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 23 2021
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My Son Ate a Bunch of Scrabble Tiles. My Wife is Scared but I'm not...

He should have a good vowel movement. His next diaper change could spell disaster though.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hypeaze
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 23 2021
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I threw up in the toilet
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/exotic_butters1275
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 25 2021
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Hot
πŸ‘οΈŽ 6k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AlexxFruit
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 22 2021
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Saw this on insta @PunHubOnline
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Haidi7
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 26 2021
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Had a good chuckle
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LittleBigOwl
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 21 2021
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Today on a walk my son was asking about a bunch of plants and stuff, he pointed to one and I said it was a fungi.

Without missing a beat he asks "Daddy, do you know how much room you need to grow Fungi like that?"

I did not know.

So he tells me "as Mushroom as possible!"

So proud.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/smoffatt34920
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 26 2021
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What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Available_Reindeer32
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 22 2021
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So my dad just died because he needed blood and we didn’t know his blood type.

He was so brave and even tried to encourage us, the family around him, with his last breaths. He kept whispering to us to Be Positive.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BritishTeeth11
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 14 2021
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The elderly wife in church turned to her husband and said, β€œI’ve just done a silent fart. What should I do?”

He said, β€œChange the batteries in your hearing aid”.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BritishTeeth11
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 19 2021
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My wife told me to pick up 8 cans of soda on my way home from work

She was pretty mad when I only picked seven up

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/eamonn_russell
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 27 2021
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I've spent all morning trying to think of a quality pun, just to come up with THIS otter rubbish.
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/awesome_smokey
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 28 2021
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Oh the tangled web we weave ...
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RogueDisciple
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 27 2021
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I have been asking everyone what LGBTQ is?

So far no one has given me a straight answer.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/awesumit
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 02 2021
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Grandma is always saying to me ' Hey what's the name of that German guy again who keeps taking my stuff '

Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 23 2021
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What is your favourite breakfast food?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FabricioPezoa
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 27 2021
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How do you track Will Smith in the snow?

You look for the fresh prints!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Available_Reindeer32
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 21 2021
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What do you call a mom who turns into a dad?

Transparent

(sorry it sucks, it's like 2:30 in the morning right now and I haven't slept)

(Edit: holy shit! I wasn't expecting this to get so many upvotes. Also thanks for the awards guys, I really appreciate it!)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bangtan_Pikachu
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 12 2021
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I've just deleted all the German names off my pre owned iPhone..

it's Hans free now..

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 28 2021
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I’ve got a condition which causes me to make terrible puns.

It’s a dad-ly disease.

Happy Father’s Day to all the dads that get me though my day to day life, without you Dad Jokes wouldn’t mean a thing πŸ˜‰

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/WonderChell
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 20 2021
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Always part of a classical dish
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ToastyZ71
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 19 2021
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Spheres
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/gingiviitis
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 18 2021
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I got dishonourably discharged from the Navy yesterday for accidentally boarding a different vessel.

Oops, wrong sub.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 15 2021
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What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RodimusMajor84
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 26 2021
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This morning Siri said "don't call me Shirley"

I'd accidentally left my phone in Airplane mode.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/1963Jan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 09 2021
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Next level stuff right here
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Thryloz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 02 2021
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*Angry Bird Noises*
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JaceAltair
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 09 2021
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New father here.

Our newborn was sleeping on my chest yesterday. She woke up crying. "Woke up on the wrong side of the dad huh?" I said. She stopped crying.... Felt good.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FuzzzyLogic
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 11 2021
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Feeling deflated πŸ€”
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/retrohgrade
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 01 2021
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Deep
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RogueDisciple
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 21 2021
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Yesterday I spotted an albino dalmatian

It was the least I could do for him

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pressplaytorecord
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 14 2021
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I lost control at work today!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jmcpleasem
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 14 2021
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What do cannibals serve at the beginning of dinner party?

handshakes

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Tarjuful_Tabeeb
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 02 2021
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I would date him in a heartbeat
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lady_hagrid
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 28 2021
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In Texas it's illegal to serve pie without ice cream.

As a matter of Texan pride; remember the Γ  la mode.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Hydrosimian
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 13 2021
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SpongeBob may be the main character of the show.

But Patrick is the star.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 16 2021
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Son's first good pun for Father's Day

My 7 year old son tries to tell puns, but he's really bad at it. After going to the zoo, he noticed that his right ear was itchy. Upon inspection, we noticed that the skin around his ear was flaking. We discussed if it was a sun burn, but he had been wearing a bucket hat all day. Without missing a beat he said:

I guess it has to be an "ear"itation. He even used air quotes. Proud moment for Father's Day!

Hope you had a great Father's Day as well!

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tokyo-dawn
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 20 2021
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Ah yes, acoosticks
πŸ‘οΈŽ 6k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/shabamee
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 14 2021
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