Prix Iris Puns

Gouda, Brie, American Cheese, Pecorino Romano, Cheddar, Manchego, Camembert, Smoked Gouda, Provolone, Babybel, Parmesan, Mascarpone, Mozzarella, Asiago, Feta, Le Gruyere AOP, Gorgonzola, Monterey Jack, Stilton, Abbaye de Belloc, Taleggio, Grana Padano, Swiss, Boursin, Cotija, Fontina Val d’Aosta, Roquefort, Blue Vein Cheese, Emmental, Grana, Jarlsberg, Mozzarella di Bufala, Pepper Jack, Munster, Bocconcini, Fromage Frais, Ricotta Salata, Cream Havarti, Scamorza, Fromage a Raclette, Chevre, Pecorino, Burrata, Halloumi, Aged Gouda, Fresh Mozzarella, Colby, Limburger, Paneer, Queso Blanco, Port-Salut, Adelost, Abondance, Butterkase, Brillat-Savarin, Comte, Camembert de Normandie, Reblochon, Longhorn, Oaxaca, Airag, Abbaye du Mont des Cats, Saint Agur, Cottage Cheese, Panela, Acapella, Fresh Truffles, Romano, Wensleydale, Double Gloucester, Red Leicester, Abbaye de Citeaux, Colby-Jack, Caciocavallo, Crottin de Chavignol, Cream Cheese, Zanetti Parmigiano Reggiano, Juustoleipa, Baby Swiss, Le Roule, Brie de Meaux, Berkswell, Fresh Ricotta, Maasdam, Canadian Cheddar, Ambert, Tommes, Cantal, Menonita, Crescenza, Queso Ibérico, Crema Mexicana, Sage Derby, Geitost, Brick, Kasseri, Bel Paese, Affidelice au Chablis, Pave d’Affinois, Muenster, Danablu, Acorn, Afuega’l Pitu, Abbot’s Gold, La Vache Qui Rit, Buffalo, Caerphilly, Tomme de Chevre, Bath Cheese, Epoisses de Bourgogne, Cheshire, Neufchatel, Blue Castello, Basket Cheese, Saint-Nectaire, Cabrales, Stinking Bishop, Cotswold, Sainte Maure, Applewood, Fiore Sardo, Dolcelatte, Pont l’Eveque, Cahill’s Irish Porter Cheddar, Zanetti Grana Padano, Langres, Seriously Strong Cheddar, Il Boschetto al Tartufo, Appenzeller, Montasio, Ossua-Iraty, Ami du Chambertin, Vignotte, Wigmore, Humboldt Fog, Saint-Paulin, Brie de Melun, Maytag blue, Armenian String Cheese, Délice de Bourgogne, Kashkaval, Bra, Abbaye de Belval, Quark, Valencay, Provel, Pule, Etorki, Banon, Morbier, Boulette d’Avesnes, Breakfast Cheese, Caciotta, Idiazabal, Bavarian Bergkase, Allgauer Emmentaler, Bresse Bleu, Airedale, Livarot, Mimolette, Tomme de Savoie, Toma, Burgos, Ardrahan, Danbo, Requeson, Aisy Cendre, Ragusano, Castelmagno, Saint-André, Aged Chelsea, Caravane, String, Chaource, Bleu des Causses, Huntsman, Yorkshire Blue, Cougar Gold, Coulommiers, Tillamook cheddar, Beenleigh Blue, Danish Feta, Brin d’Amour, Somerset Brie, Ardi Gasna, Zamorano, Dry Jack, Vacherin Fribourgeois, Lincolnshire Poacher, Caprice des Dieux, Bandal, Creamy Lancashire, Ques

The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.

Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.

The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:

"What's sarong with that?"

I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).

His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.

--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)

--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.

I would have a daughter

But Bill kept the Windows

True story; it even happened last night. My 5-year-old son walks up behind me and out of the blue says, "hey."

I turn to him and say, "yeah, kiddo? What's up?"

He responds, "it's dead grass."

I'm really confused and trying to figure out what's wrong and what he wants from me. "What? There's dead grass? What's wrong with that?"

.

.

.

He says, totally straight-faced, "hay is dead grass," and runs off.

You officially hit rock bottom

No it doesn't.

And then you will all be sorry.

Now it’s syncing.

He replied, "Well, stop going to those places then!"

I will find you. You have my Word.

She said how do you know he was headed to work?

“thank you for your cervix.”

...sails are going through the roof.

Made me smile

Mods said I'm a cereal reposter...

A taxi

But now I stand corrected.

Wait. Sorry, wrong sub.

Wookie mistake.

Theoretical Fizz-ics

Because you can’t ‘C’ in the dark

I said, “That makes two of us.”

so I had to ground him.

He's doing better currently.

And conducting himself properly.

An assassin

Me: Can we change the subject?

My wife: Okay. More chores around the house need to be done by you.

Gouda, Brie, American Cheese, Pecorino Romano, Cheddar, Manchego, Camembert, Smoked Gouda, Provolone, Babybel, Parmesan, Mascarpone, Mozzarella, Asiago, Feta, Le Gruyere AOP, Gorgonzola, Monterey Jack, Stilton, Abbaye de Belloc, Taleggio, Grana Padano, Swiss, Boursin, Cotija, Fontina Val d’Aosta, Roquefort, Blue Vein Cheese, Emmental, Grana, Jarlsberg, Mozzarella di Bufala, Pepper Jack, Munster, Bocconcini, Fromage Frais, Ricotta Salata, Cream Havarti, Scamorza, Fromage a Raclette, Chevre, Pecorino, Burrata, Halloumi, Aged Gouda, Fresh Mozzarella, Colby, Limburger, Paneer, Queso Blanco, Port-Salut, Adelost, Abondance, Butterkase, Brillat-Savarin, Comte, Camembert de Normandie, Reblochon, Longhorn, Oaxaca, Airag, Abbaye du Mont des Cats, Saint Agur, Cottage Cheese, Panela, Acapella, Fresh Truffles, Romano, Wensleydale, Double Gloucester, Red Leicester, Abbaye de Citeaux, Colby-Jack, Caciocavallo, Crottin de Chavignol, Cream Cheese, Zanetti Parmigiano Reggiano, Juustoleipa, Baby Swiss, Le Roule, Brie de Meaux, Berkswell, Fresh Ricotta, Maasdam, Canadian Cheddar, Ambert, Tommes, Cantal, Menonita, Crescenza, Queso Ibérico, Crema Mexicana, Sage Derby, Geitost, Brick, Kasseri, Bel Paese, Affidelice au Chablis, Pave d’Affinois, Muenster, Danablu, Acorn, Afuega’l Pitu, Abbot’s Gold, La Vache Qui Rit, Buffalo, Caerphilly, Tomme de Chevre, Bath Cheese, Epoisses de Bourgogne, Cheshire, Neufchatel, Blue Castello, Basket Cheese, Saint-Nectaire, Cabrales, Stinking Bishop, Cotswold, Sainte Maure, Applewood, Fiore Sardo, Dolcelatte, Pont l’Eveque, Cahill’s Irish Porter Cheddar, Zanetti Grana Padano, Langres, Seriously Strong Cheddar, Il Boschetto al Tartufo, Appenzeller, Montasio, Ossua-Iraty, Ami du Chambertin, Vignotte, Wigmore, Humboldt Fog, Saint-Paulin, Brie de Melun, Maytag blue, Armenian String Cheese, Délice de Bourgogne, Kashkaval, Bra, Abbaye de Belval, Quark, Valencay, Provel, Pule, Etorki, Banon, Morbier, Boulette d’Avesnes, Breakfast Cheese, Caciotta, Idiazabal, Bavarian Bergkase, Allgauer Emmentaler, Bresse Bleu, Airedale, Livarot, Mimolette, Tomme de Savoie, Toma, Burgos, Ardrahan, Danbo, Requeson, Aisy Cendre, Ragusano, Castelmagno, Saint-André, Aged Chelsea, Caravane, String, Chaource, Bleu des Causses, Huntsman, Yorkshire Blue, Cougar Gold, Coulommiers, Tillamook cheddar, Beenleigh Blue, Danish Feta, Brin d’Amour, Somerset Brie, Ardi Gasna, Zamorano, Dry Jack, Vacherin Fribourgeois, Lincolnshire Poacher, Caprice des Dieux, Bandal, Creamy Lancashire, Ques

Gouda, Brie, American Cheese, Pecorino Romano, Cheddar, Manchego, Camembert, Smoked Gouda, Provolone, Babybel, Parmesan, Mascarpone, Mozzarella, Asiago, Feta, Le Gruyere AOP, Gorgonzola, Monterey Jack, Stilton, Abbaye de Belloc, Taleggio, Grana Padano, Swiss, Boursin, Cotija, Fontina Val d’Aosta, Roquefort, Blue Vein Cheese, Emmental, Grana, Jarlsberg, Mozzarella di Bufala, Pepper Jack, Munster, Bocconcini, Fromage Frais, Ricotta Salata, Cream Havarti, Scamorza, Fromage a Raclette, Chevre, Pecorino, Burrata, Halloumi, Aged Gouda, Fresh Mozzarella, Colby, Limburger, Paneer, Queso Blanco, Port-Salut, Adelost, Abondance, Butterkase, Brillat-Savarin, Comte, Camembert de Normandie, Reblochon, Longhorn, Oaxaca, Airag, Abbaye du Mont des Cats, Saint Agur, Cottage Cheese, Panela, Acapella, Fresh Truffles, Romano, Wensleydale, Double Gloucester, Red Leicester, Abbaye de Citeaux, Colby-Jack, Caciocavallo, Crottin de Chavignol, Cream Cheese, Zanetti Parmigiano Reggiano, Juustoleipa, Baby Swiss, Le Roule, Brie de Meaux, Berkswell, Fresh Ricotta, Maasdam, Canadian Cheddar, Ambert, Tommes, Cantal, Menonita, Crescenza, Queso Ibérico, Crema Mexicana, Sage Derby, Geitost, Brick, Kasseri, Bel Paese, Affidelice au Chablis, Pave d’Affinois, Muenster, Danablu, Acorn, Afuega’l Pitu, Abbot’s Gold, La Vache Qui Rit, Buffalo, Caerphilly, Tomme de Chevre, Bath Cheese, Epoisses de Bourgogne, Cheshire, Neufchatel, Blue Castello, Basket Cheese, Saint-Nectaire, Cabrales, Stinking Bishop, Cotswold, Sainte Maure, Applewood, Fiore Sardo, Dolcelatte, Pont l’Eveque, Cahill’s Irish Porter Cheddar, Zanetti Grana Padano, Langres, Seriously Strong Cheddar, Il Boschetto al Tartufo, Appenzeller, Montasio, Ossua-Iraty, Ami du Chambertin, Vignotte, Wigmore, Humboldt Fog, Saint-Paulin, Brie de Melun, Maytag blue, Armenian String Cheese, Délice de Bourgogne, Kashkaval, Bra, Abbaye de Belval, Quark, Valencay, Provel, Pule, Etorki, Banon, Morbier, Boulette d’Avesnes, Breakfast Cheese, Caciotta, Idiazabal, Bavarian Bergkase, Allgauer Emmentaler, Bresse Bleu, Airedale, Livarot, Mimolette, Tomme de Savoie, Toma, Burgos, Ardrahan, Danbo, Requeson, Aisy Cendre, Ragusano, Castelmagno, Saint-André, Aged Chelsea, Caravane, String, Chaource, Bleu des Causses, Huntsman, Yorkshire Blue, Cougar Gold, Coulommiers, Tillamook cheddar, Beenleigh Blue, Danish Feta, Brin d’Amour, Somerset Brie, Ardi Gasna, Zamorano, Dry Jack, Vacherin Fribourgeois, Lincolnshire Poacher, Caprice des Dieux, Bandal, Creamy Lancashire, Ques