Breaking News: Archaeologists believe that they've uncovered a cache of pencils that belonged to William Shakespeare. A spokesperson for the dig said they're so badly chewed on the ends,
we can't tell if they're 2B or not 2B.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant’s head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke’s son and knocked him off the battle field.
Yeah, apparently it was the first ever serf face to heir missile.
William Shatner has discontinued his line of ladies lingerie.
Apparently Shatner panties was a poor choice of name.
Dr William Archibald Spooner, the creator of spoonerisms was well known to be a smart fella.
William Shatner, Star Trek’s Captain Kirk, is said to be extremely disappointed after the collapse of his recently launched women’s underwear business...
Apparently, nobody was interested in buying ‘Shatner Panties’.
It has recently been discovered that William Tell and his son belonged to a bowling league. But Swiss historians have not been able to determine the name of the league's sponsors.
We may never know for whom the Tells bowled.
What did Prince leave on the neck of his guitar?
We all have heard about Joker. The Clown Prince of Crime.
But have you heard about his father who was Joking.
Although at times the cops were able to catch up to that orange car on the Dukes of Hazard tv show...
...GeneralLee they weren’t fast enough
I'm starting a business in airports selling bags with the faces of Sid James, Hattie Jacques, Kenneth Williams, Charles Hawtrey and Joan Sims on them.
It'll be called "Carry On Baggage".
A friend of mine always carries around a scale with him no matter where he goes. Anytime he meets a new person named William he throws them right on the scale. So one day I finally asked, "why do you keep doing this?" He replied.
"because where there's a Will there's a weigh."
What's the plural of Prince?
What kind of bed does the Prince of Whales sleep on?
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle were down on their luck.
They took one of their prized possessions—The Star of The Empire, one of the worlds largest diamonds—to a famous yet discreet pawn shop outside of Las Vegas to ask for a loan.
The pawnbroker said "So I talked to my buddy who is an expert in diamonds to get his opinion. I can give you $200,000 for it."
Prince Harry said "You must be joking, I had this appraised at nearly 2 million pounds! Don't you know who I am, I'm a prince! My mother is Queen of The United Kingdom, Elizabeth II!!"
The pawnbroker said "$200k, take it or leave it. When you wish to pawn a star, makes no difference who you are..."
A princess wants to choose her future husband. Her engineers create a maze full of deadly traps. After the struggle, four princes survive. The first three have both their hands cut off. The fourth one still has one hand left. Which one will she choose?
She will chose the fourth prince: he's the most hand-some.
Prince Charles was mistaken for a collection of orca paintings.
He is the prints of whales.
I get really strong after shaving the wool off of my sheep, William.
It's my sheer Will power.
My friend left a party at the Duke of Norfolk's place without saying goodbye.
I couldn't believe he would just disappear like that
All these people getting emails from the Prince of Nigeria, I got one from an Egyptian Pharaoh...
But it turned out to just be a pyramid scheme.
Because of a clerical error at the hospital we named both of our twin boys William.
Why did Prince Charming take the Thanksgiving Turkey to the ball instead of Cinderella?
The turkey was already dressed.
My son William gets acid reflux which gives him uncontrollable hiccoughs that keeps everyone awake. At night the family is afraid of the return of the…
Notorious Bile Will Hiccoughs
At the end of his quest the prince realized he should never have eaten that mushroom.
That is the morel of this story.
A lot of William Shakespeare’s plays were based off of old Greek and Roman performances
That's playgarism if you ask me
Just read an amazing account of a 13th-Century siege.
Just read an amazing account of a 13th-Century siege.
The attackers killed the duke's son, knocking him from the battlements with a peasant's severed head fired from a trebuchet.
It was the first recorded instance of a serf-face-to-heir missile.
From Twitter.
If a girl has to kiss a lot of frogs before she finds her Prince Charming
Does that mean she has to let a lot of toads in the hole first?
Social Distancing Pickup Lines
- If Covid-19 doesn't take you out, can I?
- Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket are you happy to be within 6 ft of me?
- Can't spell virus without U and I.
- Do you need toilet paper cuz I can be your Prince Charmin.
- I saw you checking me out from across the bar, stay there.
- Hey Baby! Can I ship you a drink?
- Can't spell quarantine without U R A Q T.
credit: some facebook post i saw.
Vulture Problems (and apologies to Kansas)
The Prince of the vultures had always been a rebel, but he surprised everyone when he announced he was going to be a vegetarian. And nobody expected this to divide the vulture kingdom, with nearly half the vultures supporting the Prince's choice. Tempers flared, and civil war was brewing when the Prince burst into the King's chambers.
"Father," he cried, "I never meant to cause this. I'll do anything you say to reunite the kingdom. Please, Father, what should I eat?"
The King set a plate of roadkill in front of the Prince, and said "Carrion, my wayward son. There'll be peace when you are done."
To all of us, Prince was a very talented musician, composer, songwriter and performer.
But to the recording studios, he was more than that. He was a symbol.
Why was the prince of thieves kicked out of the ghetto?
Because he was robbin' hood.
An attorney was offered a chance to play the role of William Shakespeare in a movie, but had to respectfully decline...
"I can't," the lawyer said. "I'd be dis Bard."
My Father: Will Will Smith smith? Me: Only if he has the ok from the fresh Prince of Bell, heir to the throne.
I'm also a Dad.
He's trained me well.
What's Serena Williams favorite time of day?
I have lot of friends I call William...
So you can say I'm a "bill"ionaire.
Alice Roosevelt, daughter of Theodore Roosevelt, had a long-time extramarital affair with Senator William Borah. They had an illegitimate daughter together, Paulina Longworth, who Alice referred to as "Aurora Borah Alice" [from /r/todayilearned]
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ali…
Sorry if old, one of my favorites. I'm new. Be nice.
It is a well-known fact that William Tell and some members of his family were members of a bowling league. Unfortunately all the records from back then have disappeared so we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
I walked into a bookstore and asked an employee “Do you have any books by Shakespeare?”
Employee: Of course sir. Which one?
Me: William.
William Shatner has discontinued his new line of ladies lingerie.
Apparently "Shatner Panties" wasn't the best choice for a name.
All these people getting emails from the Prince of Nigeria, I got one from an Egyptian Pharaoh...
But it turned out to just be a pyramid scheme.
All these people getting emails from the Prince of Nigeria, I got one from an Egyptian Pharaoh...
But it turned out to just be a pyramid scheme...
I went to a bookstore and asked the guy, “Do you have any books by Shakespeare?”
Guy: Of course sir. Which one?
Me: William.
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