Paul Morley Puns

As we fight for every scrap during this title race, remember his words fellow Blues:

To support Manchester City is to believe that God might have trouble running things on this planet, but he's in control of the next world. He has to be. The Devil rules this world and always will, because his team are Manchester United, and they are world famous and monolithic.

Manchester City, who's name travels the world about as well as Gracie Fields or Pulp, are on the side of the angels; the poor, sapped, unfortunate angels who still believe in quaint antiquated notions of earthly good. To support Manchester City is to accept with heroic willingness the dead-flat that the universe is cold and hostile, and nothing good will become of it. To support City is to tackle head on the crushing pointlessness of existence and to attempt to make something of it. It is hard work. So why do it? Because somehow this seems ultimately more dignified and fulfilling than taking the easy way out and supporting the lulling and obnoxious United.

To support United is too easy. It's convenience supporting. It makes life too easy. There is no challenge. It is a cowardly form of escapism, a sell-out to the forces of evil. United fans have no soul and will spend their eternity neck deep in boiling vomit. City fans retain their soul and will spend their eternity forever reliving the moment their team beat Newcastle 4-3 away from home to win the League Championship in 1968, beating United into second place. Surely we will have such eternal bliss again, for why do we spend so much time suffering in this life watching our team climb to the summit only so that we can watch them dive, dive, dive to their pitiless bottom of the heap while United, of Manchester, but nothing really to do with it, float every more triumphantly skywards?

Heartless United are the incarnation of shamelessness and to support them is heroism in a can. Cavalier City, however awry their football, however dire their straits, glow with something mystical and transcendental. City have soul. United do not.

When they are great again, City will have shown that they are worth their extraordinary fans. To this day these fans will walk a million miles for one of Joe Mercer's smiles. They'll sing a million songs waiting for some new Mercer-like magic. Because they are City, and Christ do they know they're born.

We know where we are but we remember where we have come from. This is how we are different from the rest and w

There's plenty of mention of it out there and I was able to find the pics of Jerry in a bathtub and the two of them making peace signs. But, not the article itself.

This is my first topic starter on any Reddit board. I compiled a list of teams I consider to be each side in the NRL's best 17 over that period of time. I'm asking if there should be any changes to any of the teams and who would win a fictional competition? Who would play in a Grand Final ? or even a top 8 if you wanted, I have gone on a merit-based system so Thurston doesn't make the dogs' team over Sherwin etc.

Brisbane Broncos

1. Darius Boyd

2. Lote Tuqiri

3. Justin Hodges

4. Israel Folau

5. Wendall Sailor

6. Darren Lockyer

7. Kevin Walters

8. Shane Webcke

9. Shaun Berrigan

10. Petero Civoniceva

11. Gorden Tallis

12. Sam Thaiday

13. Tonie Carroll

14. Karmichael Hunt

15. Payne Haas

16. Corey Parker

17. Brad Thorn

Canberra Raiders

1. Clinton Schifkofske

2. Jordan Rapana

3. Jarrod Croker

4. Joel Monaghan

5. Blake Ferguson

6. Jack Wighton

7. George Williams

8. Josh Papalii

9. Josh Hodgson

10. Ruben Wiki

11. Elliott Whitehead

12. Josh Bateman

13. Jason Croker

14. Mark McLinden

15. Luke Davico

16. David Shillington

17. Alan Tongue

Canterbury-Bankstown Bulldogs

1. Luke Patten

2. Hazem El-Masri

3. Nigel Vagana

4. Josh Morris

5. Matt Utai

6. Braith Anasta

7. Brent Sherwin

8. James Graham

9. Michael Ennis

10. Steve Price

11. Willie Mason

12. Andrew Ryan

13. Sonny-Bill Williams

14. Ben Barba

15. Mark O'Meley

16. Josh Jackson

17. Roy Asotasi

Cronulla Sharks

1. David Peachey

2. Mat Rogers

3. Jack Bird

4. Chris McKenna

5. Valentine Holmes

6. James Maloney

7. Brett Kimmorley

8. Jason Stevens

9. Michael Ennis

10. Andrew Fifita

11. Luke Lewis

12. Wade Graham

13. Paul Gallen

14. Preston Campbell

15. Matt Prior

16. Jayson Bukuya

17. Greg Bird

Gold Coast Titans

1. Will Zillman

2. Kevin Gordon

3. Mat Rogers

4. Brian Kelly

5. Anthony Don

6. AJ Brimson

7. Scott Prince

8. Luke Bailey

9. Nathan Friend

10. Ryan James

11. Nate Myles

12. David Fifita

13. Greg Bird

14. Preston Campbell

15. Anthony Laffranchi

16. Mark Minichello

17. Ashley Harrison

Manly-Warringah Sea Eagles

1. Brett Stewart

2. Tom Trbojevic

3. Steve Matai

4. Jamie Lyon

5. Rueben Garrick

6. Kieran Foran

7. Daly Cherry-Evans

8. Brent Kite

9. Matt Ballin

10. Addin Fonua-Blake

11. Glenn Stewart

12. Jack Trbojevic

13. Ben Kennedy

14. Michael Monaghan

15. Martin Taupau

16. Antony Watmough

17. Steve Menzies

Melbourne Storm

1. Billy Slater

2. Josh Addo-Carr

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

The nurse asked the rabbit, “what is your blood type?”

“I am probably a type O” said the rabbit.

Mentos

(I will see myself out)

The doctor says it terminal.

I've been listening to some Herbie Hancock and Fusion-era Miles Davis songs recently and feel like they're similar in structure to Autechre tracks. Anyone else?

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Mathematical puns makes me number

We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

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Please find the list below:

386. Investments, 8th Canadian Edition: Bodie & Kane et al

387. Calculus: An Applied Approach, Brief 10th Edition: Ron Larson

388. Advertising and Promotion: An Integrated Marketing Communications Perspective, 10th Edition: Belch

389. College Physics: Volume 1: Roger A. Freedman & Todd Ruskell & Philip R. Kesten

390. Pharmacology and the Nursing Process, 8th Edition: Linda Lane Lilley & Shelly Rainforth Collins & Julie S. Snyder

391. Cambridge IGCSE Chemistry Study and Revision Guide (Igcse Study Guides), 2nd Edition: David Besser

392. GCSE Physical Education Revision Guide (A*-G course): CGP Books

393. GCSE History Modern World History The Revision Guide (A*-G course): CGP Books

394. Social Fairness and Economics: Economic Essays in the Spirit of Duncan Foley: Lance Taylor & Armon Rezai & Thomas Michl

395. Strategies for Successful Writing-Pearson (2016): James A. Reinking, Robert A. von der Osten

396. Strategic Management: Theory: An Integrated Approach, 12th Edition: Charles W. L. Hill & Melissa A. Schilling & Gareth R. Jones

397. Laboratory Manual for Physical Examination & Health Assessment, 7th Edition: Jarvis, Carolyn

398. Principles of Marketing, 17th edition: Philip T. Kotler & Gary Armstrong

399. Global Business Today, 4th Canadian Edition: Charles Hill

400. Study Guide for Medical-Surgical Nursing - E-Book: Assessment and Management of Clinical Problems, 10th Edition: Sharon L. Lewis & Susan A. Sandstrom & Linda Bucher & Margaret M. Heitkemper & Mariann M. Harding & Jeffrey Kwong & Dottie Roberts

401. Physical Examination and Health Assessment, 7th edition: Jarvis, Carolyn

402. Mosby’s Drug Guide for Nursing Students: Linda Skidmore-Roth

403. Understanding Pathophysiology, 6th Edition: Sue E. Huether & Kathryn L. McCance

404. Strategic Management: Theory & Cases: An Integrated Approach, 12th Edition: Charles W. L. Hill & Melissa A. Schilling &am

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

He lost May

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

Said if she ever hosts a gender reveal party, when it comes time to pop the balloon she'll spray everyone with water.

Gender is fluid.

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

But let me give it a shot.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

He’s the new temp.

And now I’m cannelloni