Passing Exam Puns

http://i.imgur.com/3jYfmdE.jpg

Now I have lettuce after my name.

He was smarter than the average bear.

Cheetah

They always give straight "eh"s.

He had no reMorse.

It's called my smart foam

They were a shoe-in

Me: Congrats, but make sure you don't let your clients know about your love of U2.

Friend: Why?

Me: They'll think you're Pro Bono :(.

I said "That's gneiss."

(True story)

It was a no brainer!

Blatantly stolen from my Uncles Facebook page (link in comments):

Uncle: I'm proud of myself. Instead of goofing off this summer, I chose to go back to school and better myself. I enrolled in a course and have spent the past few weeks in intense study, finally passing the final exam today with a score of 100% - a score that I'm pretty sure they don't see too often. It's not often that I toot my own horn, but this time I think I really deserve it. Thank you to everyone who helped me achieve my goal!

Friend: Congratulations! What subject?

Uncle: It was Traffic School. Speeding ticket. The system wanted me to fail.

"It's only 11 inches."

-My professor while passing out yesterday's exam

You just passed your I exam.

(A bit of context first, but you can skip this paragraph if you want). An hour or so ago, I was playing a div 1 co-ed soccer game. Since our captain wasn't there, I was the one talking to the ref, signing the game sheet, providing the game ball, and all that. At some point during the game, one of our guys shot the ball and it rebounded off, giving us a corner. However, none of our guys were going to get the ball as if they thought it was the other team's ball. I yelled at my team "Guys, it's our corner!"

The ref turned to me and laughed, and said "They need to concentrate". I said "No kidding, huh?" He then turned to me with a pre-dadjoke smile and asked me "Why didn't the orange juice pass its exam? ... It couldn't concentrate."

It was in that moment that I knew this grey haired, bearded man was a father of at least one child. He didn't even look back for a reaction, he just turned with his dad smile, knowing full well that the joke has merit enough on its own regardless of a reaction.

Sister: "I passed half of my two part exam!" Dad and I at the same time: "congr!"