And the Russian college student says, “Sorry, I Kant. I need to get full Marx on the test.
I hear they are all going to be superb!
A guy walks into a bar to talk to his best friend who works there as a bartender. "Hey, did you still want to Bob's party with me tonight after you get off work?" he asks the bartender. "Sure, I get off at 7 p.m.," the bartender says. "Can you pick me up?" "I think so," the guy replies. "I've been working out."
So tonight I'm gonna party like it's £19.99
Lol, on last year's Valentine's day my best friend had got mad at me for not asking my crush out.
We'd planned on going to McDonald's together because he didn't have a date either. When I arrived at McDonald's this f*cker was holding a cardboard box with a terrified look and when he saw me he immediately gave me the box and told me he'd already bought the food and that we better take the bus to my place. I just thought he probably was joking or something because the box didn't even have any kind of decoration, it even had a chips brand printed on it, but as we got to the bus and sat I felt something moving inside, I thought maybe it was a puppy or something, but why did he look scared of it?
So, we get to my house, I go to my backyard, where my then 7yo beagle was and I open the box. I could only see a black blur flying out of it and then heard my best friend scream. It was a rooster. He's terrified of birds. And weirdest of all it was a fully grown rooster but he was super tiny, like 10 inches tall tiny.
I asked him wtf was going on and he just kinda hid behind the backyard door and said "I bought it so that you could get some cock tonight". I always make puns and he hates them, I was speechless. So long story short I now own 6 chickens and 4 roosters (my mom got super mad at him for buying the rooster, but then she got super attached and bought him a chicken, when she laid eggs she let them hatch, the rooster's name is Enrique btw, my mom even made him a birthday party and all last week, lol)
Tonight we're gonna' party like it's VLAN 99.
Been working an unpaid internship for the last three months. Tonight is the company's party for their 5th anniversary in business.
Dad: "Are they gonna cover your drinks."
Me: "I sure hope so. If it's not open bar, I'll be pissed."
Dad: "No you won't, you'll be sober."
Shoulda seen that one coming...
I went home for my little sister's birthday tonight. Exams + student, I bought her a bag of 50 party poppers. Me and my Dad popped some to scare her, and my other sister came into the room asking why she wasn't given any party poppers. Dad replies "That's because you're a party pooper". Godammit, Dad!
I was celebrating my birthday with family when this exchange occurred between my grandpa and aunt.
My Aunt: "Sorry your uncle couldn't make it to the party. He has a little league game tonight."
Grandpa: "Isn't he a bit old for little league? Hehehe!"
But tonight I'm gonna party like it's £19.99
