Paddy Reilly Puns

Paddy O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" Paddy said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, Paddy!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of Paddy's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled and said, "Paddy won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself.

You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

Paddy says to Murphy, "What a beautiful night, look at the moon."

Murphy stared into the sky for a moment and stops and looks at his drunken friend, "You are wrong. That's not the moon, that's the sun."

Both started arguing for a while when they came upon another drunk walking, so they stopped him.

"Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?"

The third drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them and said,

"Sorry, I don't live around here."

Thought the Reddit community might be interested. This is a once a month Open Mic style Talent Show for techies in NYC. Anyone who's into tech, startups, entrepreneurship, engineering, design etc., and also loves performing arts is invited to attend and participate.

We've had some awesome acts like standup comedians who tour all over the US and the world, and Musicians of all kinds.

Details here: http://www.meetup.com/Technical-Talent/events/221578641/

Paddy O Reilly works at the Guiness brewery, one day Mrs O Reilly gets a knock on the door, it's the manager.....he tells her there was a terrible accident and her husband drowned in a vat of Guiness.

She is devastated and finally manages to sob...please tell me he went quickly and didnt suffer.

The manager replied, I'm afraid not, in fact he got out 3 times to pee

… of every pre-request Gord can find record of from the old live-in-person monthly shows at the Cloak & Dagger Pub in Toronto (with very few exceptions), including comeback specials and whatnot. No, he doesn’t remember how to play most of it, though he did play the majority of it at some point. Enjoy!

’39 - Queen

5 Minutes Alone - Pantera

9 to 5 - Dolly Parton

Add It Up - Violent Femmes

Adios To California - John Hiatt

Ain’t It Enough - Old Crow Medicine Show

Ain’t No Sunshine - Bill Withers

All Gummed Up Inside - from Adventure Time

All Out in the Open - Emily Weedon & Delta

All The Girls Love Alice - Elton John

All Warmed Up Inside - from Adventure Time

Always On My Mind - Willie Nelson

Angel From Montgomery - John Prine

Another Nail In My Heart - Squeeze

The Argus - Ween

Army - Ben Folds Five

Baby Got Back - Sir Mix-A-Lot

Bad Reputation - Joan Jett

Bad Things - from True Blood

Bigmouth Strikes Again - The Smiths

Birdhouse In Your Soul - They Might Be Giants

Bitch - Meredith Brooks

Blame It On Me - Barenaked Ladies

Blister in the Sun - Violent Femmes

Bloodletting (The Vampire Song) - Concrete Blonde

Blow Up the Outside World - Soundgarden

Bongo Bong - Manu Chao

Brandy Alexander - Ron Sexsmith

Brian Wilson - Barenaked Ladies

Business Time - Flight of the Conchords

Butterflies - Emily Weedon

Cakewalk Into Town - Taj Mahal

Can You Tell Me How to Get to Sesame Street? - from Sesame Street

Can’t Keep It In - Cat Stevens

The Car Song - The Cat Empire

Carlotta Valdez - Harvey Danger

Centerfold - The J. Geils Band

A Change is Gonna Come - Sam Cooke

Changes - Black Sabbath

The Close Shave - Andy Irvine

Code Monkey - Jonathan Coulton

Come Rain or Come Shine - David Francey

Come To My Window - Melissa Etheridge

Congratulations - The Traveling Wilburys

Crazy - Barenaked Ladies

Crazy On You - Heart

Crosseyed and Painless - Talking Heads

Cupid - Sam Cooke

Damn This Town - John Hiatt

Danger Zone - Kenny Loggins

Danny’s Song - Loggins & Messina

Daydream - The Lovin’ Spoonful

Dear God - XTC

Death Came a Knockin’ (Travelin’ Shoes) - Ruthie Foster

Doctor Snuggles Title Song - from Doctor Snuggles

Down Under - Men at Work

Drinking in L.A. - Bran Van 3000

Echo Beach - Martha and the Muffins

The Elements - Tom Lehrer

Emerge - Fischerspooner

Everything is AWESOME!!! - from The Lego Movie

Eye of the Tiger - Survivor

Eyes of a Stranger - Payola$

Fat Bottomed Girls - Queen

The Fields of Athenry - Padd

Grüezi yall! Anyone knows a place which streams Formula 1 races ? I'm new to Zurich, I am most likely avoiding crowds and bars etc, but I would love to go to a socially distancing bar where I can watch on TV while having a drink!

Cheers in advance :)

The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.

Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.

The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:

"What's sarong with that?"

I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).

His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.

--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)

--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.

I would have a daughter

But Bill kept the Windows

Hi all,

For a few years now I have fallen in love with your music. Mainly I listen to The Dubliners and whoever gets suggested from them on Spotify I have a dabble.

These songs I listen to give me a lift, they are stories be it true or not, the sound pulls me in like many Celtic sounds its a strange feeling I can't really explain, but I'd rather listen to these than what's on the radio these days.

My question to you is being born in England (sorry) living in Wales which feels more a home than my birthplace. I've come across the song "Come out ye black and tans" and before I start, yes I've read into it, it didn't take much to really understand what it was about. I absolutely fucking love this song, whistle it non stop, sing it aloud in the house. But would you consider this a wrong doing for an "English born" oh and even "British soldiers go on home" lives in my head rent free.

Sorry if I come across a moron and this seems like a dumb question. Also if youre happy to suggest more singers bands. I've discovered Paddy Reilly and even had his version of Dirty Old Town played at my wedding.

True story; it even happened last night. My 5-year-old son walks up behind me and out of the blue says, "hey."

I turn to him and say, "yeah, kiddo? What's up?"

He responds, "it's dead grass."

I'm really confused and trying to figure out what's wrong and what he wants from me. "What? There's dead grass? What's wrong with that?"

.

.

.

He says, totally straight-faced, "hay is dead grass," and runs off.

TLDR: Serong = 10 + 28 + 4th round pick

>Taylor said:Fremantle didn't trade to get Serong, they traded to get a pick ahead of a Henry bid.

That's right and I believe it was the best wheeling and dealing in our history.

Story time now, if you'll indulge me. Our two greatest trades happened 20 years apart. Carlton is the asshole on both occasions. Here we go:

At 2019's end we finished 13th our 1st round pick would have been 6 except for GC being gifted a priority pick and so became pick 7. Pick 8 was held by North and pick 9 was in the hands of Carlton (who had traded with Adelaide in a pick swap in 2018). Pick 10 started it's journey in Port Adelaide's hands as its 1st rd pick for finishing 10th.

Brad Hill wanted to go to St Kilda and we knew Liam Henry was potentially going around pick 10. If Billy were to go we would ideally like to recieve a pick before Henry was bid on. St Kilda held pick 6 before the trade period started and we would have coveted that pick in exchange for Brad. In the second trade completed St Kilda traded out pick 6 & 59 for 12 & 18. Bugger.

St Kilda next move was to sent 12 & 18 to Port in exchange for pick 10, Dougal Howard and Paddy Ryder.

The next day the deal for Brad Hill was done. Hill and our future 3rd left the building and in came picks 10, 58, StK's future 2nd & 4th plus Blake Acres. We quickly passed on the two future picks for James Aish, 69(nice 📷) and Collingwood's future 3rd. So by Wednesday evening, we had 10, 58, 69, Aish, Acres and Collingwood's 3rd pick in 2020 for the price of Brad Hill and our 3rd rd pick in the following year.

I'm not sure if you are aware but there is a lot of nothin' going on for long periods in trade week We were probably looking at our picks 7 and 10 and wondering/worrying/driving ourselves mad with the idea that some asshole would bid on Henry at 8 or 9. Those two adverseries were Melbourne and Carlton. I imagine Melbourne got in our ear and were trying to convince us that those dogs over at Carlton really really liked Henry and that Melbourne could generously help us out, when that didn't work they probably told us- "screw it, we'll bid on him at 8 unless you agree to a deal."

We eventually decided we couldn't trust Carlton or Melbourne and so agreed to a deal with Melbourne for pick 8. Melbourne probably wanted our picks 10 and 22. We didn't want to hand over 22 as well as 10 to Melbourne, plus we nee

And then you will all be sorry.

No it doesn't.