Today I learned that if you flip a canoe over, you can wear it as a hat.
Are you seriously over the moon?
I'd tell you about basements, but I'd be in over my head.
What do you call a mad man who likes to be run over by bicycles?
A cycle path.
Don't kill me.
What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn't moved a muscle in over a year?
If you can't stand this one, don't forget to yell "Timber" before falling over
You hear about the guy who got pulled over for having a donkey in his moving truck?
Police said he was haulin’ ass.
"Have you ever done anything good?" St. Peter asked a guy when he showed up at the Pearly Gates. "To protect a young girl I punched the leader of a motorcycle gang, kicked his bike over, and told them all to back off!" said the man. St. Peter was impressed, "When did you do this?"
"Oh, just a couple of minutes ago."
You know, over in Jamaica a slice of pizza will cost you $2.50!
But over in Barbados, it's only $1.50! But carful getting in from the Maldives, it's only $1.75, but people will try to take it right off your plate!
Anyways, those are just the pie rates of the Caribbean!:)
Today I learned that if you're in a canoe and it flips over in water...
....you can safely wear it on your head... because it's capsized.
Do you see that stick insect over there? It just fell out of that tree.
It's actually a nonstick insect.
What do you see when the Pillsbury dough boy bends over?
Did you hear about the ninja parade that happened in the city over the weekend?
Of all the inventions over the past 300 years, do you know what’s the most remarkable?
I was checking out at the grocery store today and the bagger was holding my stuff over the shopping cart and asked: “sir, would you like to go out with the cart?”.
To which I replied “oh, no thanks I’m actually married”. My poor son looked mortified. Dad joke status ACHIEVED.
What's it called when you're moving to a new place and because of a certain influence over there you change your gender?
What do you call seagulls that fly over the bay?
what do you call a professional tractor who drives all over your back in the capital of Egypt?
My 8 year old just over-dadded me! What can you add to one to get zero?
An N.
My son. Oh then it’s none. Or you could add a G and it’s gone.
Did you hear that the mailman got fired over a bad joke?
He must really need to work on his delivery.
How do you know every tree over the age of two is not a robot?
They pass the two ring test
I got pulled over for speeding even though I wasn't. The officer said, "you were driving fast and furious." I replied.
What do you call when a dude is suddenly over-weighted after one night?
From Instagram to Instakilogram
If you guys thought 2020 was over, I have bad news....
What do you call a bear who's crouched over and grunting?
The two men stared intensely at each other over the chessboard, neither one making a move. Suddenly, one of the men gasped in horror and shouted, "How is this possible? You must be taught by the Soviets!"
The other smirked and replied, "Czech, mate."
what do you call a hoe that’s been run over?
How do you get over a fear of elevators?
Just take some steps to avoid them.
How do others know when you’re finally over something?
Usually by the closure wearing.
Did you hear about that guy who got run over by a steam train?
You know, out West they're started to ban those big round bales of hay you see in that field over there..
.... The cows aren't getting three square meals a day.
(Also, to those who tell dad jokes at every opportunity, I really appreciate you. As a person who grew up without the joy of a pops embarrassing me with terrible jokes, I was always bewildered by the stereotype. Recently though, I've been taking a microeconomics course I was dreading having to take and my professor has "big econ dad" energy. There's a joke every few minutes in his lectures and they give me the energy to keep going. You are appreciated. Even if your kids, spouse, partner, friends, strangers groan at you, undoubtedly someone out there really appreciates your goofiness).
Me: Son, that Scarecrow over there is the best you can get. Son: How do you know that?
Me: Because he’s out standing in his field.
What do you see when a duck bends over?
Did you hear about the priest who was admitted into the hospital with over two dozen little plastic horses lodged in his rectum.
Doctors say he is in stable condition.
An old guy goes to the chemist and asks the pharmacist, "Is there some pills that can help with sex?" The pharmacist says, "Yes, Viagra, it's awesome, I take it myself" The old guy asks, "Can you get it over the counter?" Pharmacist replies, "If I took 2 or 3, probably."
What do you call a cow stepping over a barbed wire fence?
Udder destruction.
My Dad a actually told me this one.
What do you call a tipped over cow?
Did you know Aaron Burr had a brother who was always falling over?
Did you hear about the kittens that took over the ship?
It was a mewtiny.
*saw this joke while playing The Walking Dead Michonne
Barbie and Ken are continually arguing over who will empty the dishwasher. One day, Ken says "Barbie, I've unloaded the dishwasher every day this week.. can you PLEASE do it just this once?"
What do you call it when you feel like your hearing the same song over and over again
How do you smuggle a cat over the border.
You launch it over with a Cat-apult
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
Sure the cow jumped over the moon! You would jump too!
That man’s hands were COLD...
What's that Italian dessert called where you pour espresso coffee over ice cream?
Everyone I ask can't remember either.
I was checking out at the grocery store today and the bagger was holding my stuff over the shopping cart and asked: “sir, would you like to go out with the cart?”. To which I replied “oh, no thanks I’m actually married”. My poor son looked mortified. Dad joke status ACHIEVED.
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