There's a gang going through the shops in our town, systematically shoplifting clothes in size order.

The Police believe they’re still at large.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheifsup
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
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Me, to the biker gang leader: I thought we were supposed to ride our bikes together at the same speed!

Biker gang leader: Yes, but for the love of God, Stop calling it β€œsynchronizing our cycles”.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
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My dad just owned me in a facebook message rap battle.

First of all, yes my family have rap battles over facebook, we are that white. It's been a fun rap battle of sorts, and my dad just threw down then well... Here is the conversation:


Father: Parental rap battle, game over with this one...

Father: You say we are weak

that our rhymes are the worst

Just remember my lad that we were here first

Rap didn't begin right now with your gang

It started with ours and came out with a bang

That we can't rap - on Twitter you say

o what a betrayal, Et tu, Brute

Oh no, oh snap, did that happen here

Dad threw down some latin from Will Shakespeare

I'm done with this battle and now I'll decree

Just remember my apple you fell from this tree

Me: I honestly have no words.

Father: Shit.... [TheLegitMidgit] is speechless. How could that be?

Me: Color me impressed.

Father: Is that green?

Me: Stop while you're ahead.

πŸ‘︎ 197
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLegitMidgit
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2014
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Apples vs. oranges

Was buying fruit with the girlfriend. She picked out some cripps pink apples. "Maybe we should be careful buying these. They might start a gang war with our blood oranges" Ziiing. She smiled, but I think I annoyed her by laughing about it for the rest of our shopping.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NervousPooer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2015
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