A list of puns related to "One Minute"
First Window staffer, who takes the payment: "Hi, it's $7.30 (said like 'seven-thirty')
My Father: "No it's not, it's only 1 o' clock"
The next minute you're turning down the stereo in the car so you can see better.
My cheese burger fell on the floor.
After months of wanting a Purple highlighter for my desk, I finally found one.
It was the highlight of my day.
He said, “It may be easy for you to say ‘hun, I do’, but I cantaloupe.”
“Sure, I’m all ears.”
Girlfriend and I are laying in bed, watching a movie. I'm not into the movie, so, in an attempt to get me to watch it, she said, "You can play with my boobs if you watch the movie." So, naturally, I put my hand down her shirt and start having fun.
"I said you could play with my boobs, not my nipples."
"Your nipples are a part of your boobs."
"My nipples are a whole other enTITTY."
She's gonna make a great dad someday.
Me: Hey dad, have you ever driven anywhere in your underwear? Dad: I drive everywhere in my underwear.
But I ran out of thyme.
1 2
I was talking with my mom about books. I said I rarely read fiction, if I would want fiction's, I'd watch a movie or play a videogame. My mom said she only likes biographies, but "not the ones by different authors, but by the subjects themselves". To which I said:
"You mean autobiographies?"
When my father decided to chime in the topic:
"I'd rather read bicyclebiographies"
me: "what do you mean?"
him: "the opposite".
Wearing too many clothes on a hot day can be dangerous. You're putting yourself in apparel. (Peril)
It's not the best but I got my girlfriend to cringe and leave.
Ba dum tiss
"What a load of nonsense. There's at least 50 in here and they're all quite big."
So tonight at the dinner table my mom and I were talking about a sleep sound app that you can download on your phone, tablet ect. Anyway I was mentioning some of the sounds they have and I said for example A dishwasher running... My Dad chimes in and starts shouting "NO NO PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME WASH ANYMORE DISHES I QUIT" while pretending to run.
A dishwasher... running...
We were in the car, on the way home and grandma decided to call abd check up on us because we've been sick since last night. Grandma wanted to know if her eye was doing alright, which was confusing because we have the stomach flu. Mom bursts out laughing and tries to explain to grandma that she was joking.
Apparently, mom sent grandma a text saying "My eye's not doing too well, I'm gonna have problems SEEING my way into work." Goddamnit Mom.
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