I asked the librarian if they had any books on Noise Reduction Levels
She said "Sure, what volume ?"
Patel was teaching a boy named Ed basic geometry, which he was failing to grasp even on the most basic levels. He mistook squares for triangles, circles for hexagons and so on...
So Patel tried to go to the lowest level and put a dot on the paper.
"What this, Ed?"
"A line?" the boy replied.
"I... I expected more from you. I'm... This a point, Ed."
This Is A Paid advertisement: Have a home project you’re working on? For a limited time, Lowes Home Improvement is now selling Levels 2 for the price of 1!
I have three different levels of tan on me. One level is my arms and legs from wearing a shirt and shorts. The next level is from not wearing a shirt at the beach. And the last is under my shorts.
I keep getting funny looks when i insist on playing the first level in spanish.
Nobody expects the spanish intro mission
The librarian's office was on the A level. I asked for a book about submarines.
She told me to look below C level.
(oc)
So I was using the level kit to make sure my shelf was straight. I dropped the thing and it hit me right on the head
Guess I’m a level-headed individual
This one’s on a whole new level
Because I always take my shit to the next level
Do you know what’s wrong on so many levels?
Having sex on an elevator.
I told my wife I saw a deer on the way to work.
She said how do you know he was headed to work?
my grandfather said this today on the dinner table and i was the only one that found it hilarious for no reason at all
G : what type of apples grow on trees ?
my dumbass : idk red and green ?
G : all of them do
wheezes
A comprehensive guide to take your Dad joke to the next level...
There's so many bad puns on this sub' it's making me just feel numb, and don't talk about the math ones..
..they make me feel even number.
I gave up my seat to a blind person on the bus.
Thats how i lost my job as a bus driver
I just found out the Mortal Kombat theme was based on something old
The police arrested a dog for giving birth on the street.
Walking around the mall with my daughter and we decided to go down a level. She expressed disappointment the elevator was broken,
I told her, " The escalator is just like an elevator but with extra steps."
A lot of the jokes on this sub are just terrible, but at the end of the day...
Hi there, I'm Buzz Aldrin, the second person to ever walk on the moon..
BREAKING NEWS: Scientists launch sneak attack on the periodic table.....
Add the element of surprise.
I switched all the labels on my wife’s spice rack
She doesn’t know it yet, but her thyme’s cumin
Reflecting on Prince Philip death, I was chatting with the Mrs and I said, I know I’m getting a little older, but I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.
She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beer….
EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! ❤️
I forgot to post this on Pi Day. Oh well! The Argyle Sweater for 3/14/21
originally posted on r/tumblr by u/MaetelofLaMetal
I overdosed on viagra the other day
It was the hardest day of my life
I caught my son chewing on an electrical cord...
so I had to ground him.
He's doing better currently.
And conducting himself properly.
True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling “I stepped on a Bee!”
I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...
Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.
Apparently I had dropped one...
Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....
A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.
He can cast at a 4th grade level
Breaking News: Archaeologists believe that they've uncovered a cache of pencils that belonged to William Shakespeare. A spokesperson for the dig said they're so badly chewed on the ends,
we can't tell if they're 2B or not 2B.
Did you know that milk is the fastest liquid on earth?
It's pasteurized before you even see it.
I was going to the moon on vacation and I read it gets to -280 degrees at night,
I might need a space heater.
I asked my son today “Why do you always sing to your corn on the cob before eating it?”
His explanation was music to my ears.
There are 3 men on a boat.
Each has a cigarette, but nothing to light it with.
So one man throws his cigarette into the water, and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
Got drunk yesterday and puked in the elevator on my way back home.
It was disgusting on so many levels.
I told my wife, “From here on, I’m going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order.”
She said, “Where will you find the time?”
Me: Easy. Right next to the sage.
Bill and Melinda Gates got divorced. Melinda got the house...
But Bill kept the Windows
If H20 is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what’s on the outside?
Not a joke for written context, but one you can use on your family.
You just say to your family member - "Did you hear someone in the family is part owl?"
They'll reply with "who?" And you look at them with a raised eyebrow.
Tell this joke over dinner if youd like to be the life of the party. You're welcome.
Business at the bakery is on the rise
Why can’t you do Schrodinger’s experiment on the surface of Mars?
Because Curiosity killed the cat.
My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list...
Now I can't read anything.
There will be point in the future when Canada will take over the world.
And then you will all be sorry.
My Bluetooth speaker wasn’t working so I threw it into the lake.
Just spent $300 on hiring a limousine and discovered the fee doesn't include a driver.
Can't believe I've spent all that money and have nothing to chauffer it.
Falling in love is dangerous.
What happens to you if you pee on the floor?
Emphasis on laundry rotation
I asked a librarian if they had any books on 'Different noise levels'.
The librarian said "Sure!! What volume would you like?"
I told my niece that I saw a deer on the way to work this morning.
She said, "How do you know it was on it’s way to work?”
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