I was in the hospital for a week. I just got out and my wife tells me to take a shower and change my underwear. "Soon, they might start walking and talking on their own," she says.
I said, "They might even crack a few jokes.
.
.
"But they'll be brief."
I make my own at home. Saves on baggage, I mean packaging.
My daughter wants to do more things on her own, so I told her to put a picture of herself in a locket
Then she would be independent.
My 5yo blew us away with this original that he came up with all on his own. What do you call two ice dragons?
Twice dragons.
Update: honestly thank you everyone, you guys are totally making this kids day! Distance learning in kindergarten has been rough and he misses seeing his friends pretty hard, so when I told him about this (I was able to use “Wreck-It Ralph : Ralph breaks the Internet” and buzz tube with likes/hearts as a reference) he’s been smiling from ear to ear nonstop since! A million thankyou‘s for the kind words and awards.
Thought up this one all on my own and I'm proud of it: Did you hear the joke about the leg?
In my opinion, it wasn't very fu-knee.
So the cops just came to my door, they said my dog was chasing someone on a bike, I told them "my dog doesn't even own a bike"
The other day, I had to unclog a toilet with my own hands, so I put on some rubber gloves.
You could say I had gauntlets of auger power!
My brother went to jail. He didn't take it well. Started insulting and attacking everyone and threw his own feces on the walls.
I don't think we'll play Monopoly with him again.
My bike won't stand on it's own.
My invention was amazing! After many many attempts, I finally got a two-wheeled vehicle to stand on its own!
I guess tri, tri again is the way.
Today I learned my son hates r/DadJokes. He's been spat on, punched, and verbally abused for his own opinion...
I don't even want to imagine what'll happen when he leaves the house.
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
I recently moved in with my rich dad to his house on the French country side. I’m afraid I’ll never be as successful as him and buy my own place.
I guess I’ll always live in my fathers chateau.
My doctor says I need an operation, but I can't afford it. I asked the doctor if it was something I could do on my own.
I told my tailor that I would be choosing and putting on my own clothes for my upcoming wedding
I'm not sure if I thought of this on my own or not
A pun on my own post, wow.
I wanted to hop on the “making my own version of snoo” bandwagon
But I was too late, guess I snoos i lose.
My Roomba was broken, so I tried to fix it on my own.
I dont like eating pasta on my own...
My son had a project on killer whales, and I decided to send my own project as well
If I were to change my last name, I'd change it to Watts. That way, if I ever have a boy of my own, when he asks where he's going on his first day of kindergarten, I get to say...
"Elementary, my dear watts son."
My Dad's own twist on the "I'm hungry" joke
Let me start off by saying that I'm a Geography buff.
Me: Dad, I'm hungry
Dad: That's impossible!
Me: How?
Dad: I've been to Hungary and its much more pleasant than you are!
When it comes to reaching high places on my own or by using an appropriate tool...
I tried to beat my own previous time for the hundred meters on a Pogo stick.
I had hopped for a better time.
So, I've been working on my own rendition of "50 Shades of Gray." Can I get some feedback?
Was a bit lonely by myself at home last night on Valentine's Day so I decided to make my own bread.
I was feeling quite kneady
So, this is a little bit unoriginal but it's my first own dadjoke that I came up with on the spot, so I was proud to know I might hone my skills in the future to be a great/horrible dad.
Friend: Text me when you have time.
Me: When you have time.
Friend: ...
A dad joke I pulled...on my own dad!
So I went into the kitchen to grab a pear to eat, my dad asks me "are you getting a pear?" My response: "A pair of what?" My dad was quite impressed with the dad-ness of my joke =D
Asked my dad why we didn't own "Up" on Blu-Ray.
I told him the price had lowered.
He said, "Great! I've been waiting for Up to go down." He then proceeded to laugh.
Raising 6 kids mostly on her own meant my Grandma had bring the dad jokes too.
My cousin just asked if he could borrow $20 to buy a box of diapers and he would give it back to her next week.
She says, "I have the money but what am I going to do with a box of diapers?"
My bike can't stand on its own
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