A list of puns related to "Olymp K"
I took part in the sun tanning Olympics
But I only got bronze
give me downvotes
Sign me up for the olympics
He won all races by a very big margin but was stripped of all his medals ...
'coz he was a Cheetah! He should not have been in the human olympics anyway!!
- My sons and I came up with this on the way to school this morning. Its probably corny and old but we enjoyed crafting it :D
I was watching the Olympics last night and an ad for a schizophrenia pill came up. It was two people talking about it, at the end one actor said, "Just remember, were not alone" I couldn't help but blurt out "Ya cause you have schizophrenia"
Was my proudest moment for that day.
It's the Olympics!
Olympic finalist in the new event Camping Aquipment Setup quits and forfeits 1st place, 'It was just two tents.'
While watching the Olympic Trampoline competition, the announcer said, βyou can see him turning his head to sight the tramp as soon as he canβ.
I told my daughter, β sighting the tramp? I bet he just looked and said, βOh, there she is.ββ
Happy Cake Day to me!
He didnβt want to be an Olympic Schwimmer.
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itβs a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itβs tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donβt think itβs feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
Thereβs a new type of broom out, itβs sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels canβt tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itβs pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldnβt control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didnβt have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit β‘At the Olympics, I saw a man carrying a long stick. βAre you a pole vaulter?β I asked.β¬
βͺβNo,β he replied. βIβm German, but how did you know my name is Walter?ββ¬
Do you remember the famous Olympic skier Picabo Street? Well she is now a receptionist in an Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital.
Unfortunately, she is no longer allowed to answer the hospital telephones. It caused too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say:
βPicabo, I.C.U.β
I was hiking in Olympic NP last year and we took a break. Soaking in the scenery and she was feeling philosophical; she said that 'it must be lonely to be a tree, you just stay in one place forever'. I let that hang in the air for a bit then replied, 'No, eventually you would leave'. She nearly choked on her water.
a 100 meter dash.
Edit: Previously I had "60 meter dash". Turns out that was indoor sprinting and not Olympics. Fixed.
I was dating this speed skater who made the national team and was asked to go to the Olympics...Sochi left me.
Why do prisoners hate computers?
The escape key never works.
How do trees get on the internet?
They log in.
Knock knock.
Who's there? Toucan. Toucan who? Toucan play at that game
How do bees brush their hair? With honeycombs.
Why was the empty Olympic stadium so hot? All the fans had left.
Why did the cow cross the road? To get to the udder side.
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was playing crossy road.
Can February March? No but April may.
Did you hear about the guy who stole a calendar? He got 12 months.
10.why are recycling bins so optimistic? Cuz they're full of cans.
[Insert minion meme]
(You're entering the conversation when it really matters)
Me: Oh nice, so did you spend time watching the Olympics?
Friend: No, I don't really watch the olympics that much actually.
Me: Same here...I only watch it every four years...
Because we don't want to the Russians to medal with the Olympics
Seriously. She was really big in the '90s; winning a number of medals at the Olympics and other events.
Sadly, after she was done skiing, she got into a really bad accident.
The newspapers the next day all said: Picabo ICU.
Shoutout to my Grandfather who told this joke to every. single. person. he ever met. Everyone in my family can tell this joke at the drop of a hat because of him.
He probably has quite the hair-care bill, but I'm sure he's willing toupee for it.
It seems that everyone on the internet is Russian to say good things about him.
After his inauguration speech, everyone gave him a big hand.
His favorite winter Olympic event is the LYUUUUGE!
The other half of his supporters can be described with ancient, mystical legends: the Deep Lore-ables.
Nobody will be able to use cheap cotton drapes or table cloths after his ban on muslins.
Since the start of the cold war, many U.S. presidents have pissed off the Russians. Trump is the first to be accused of pissing ON them.
I subscribed to his newsletter because I never turn down a free MAGA-zine subscription.
Melania got used to everyone crowded into Trump Tower during the campaign. Now that everyone's gone, she looks around and it's just a little Barron.
Joke that inspired me is here : https://www.reddit.com/r/puns/comments/5p4ebt/on_donald_trumps_inaguration/
the Japanese Olympic Track and field team, in typical Asian make-every-thing-harder-to-do-than-it-has-to-be fashion have announced that hey are sticking by their regimen of only using malformed, decade-and-a-half old, equipment rigged to pop out of the course unexpectedly in order to secure their hopes of Olympic glory. While this may seem counter intuitive, Kadauo Osakamizu, a analyst for the team claims there is actually a historic cultural precedent for the odd exercises. In a quote, Mr. Osakamizu insists that the idea is that "if the team can excel with such sub-par materials, executing wins when the equipment is good should be of little concern."
So it seems that at least for the foreseeable future, Japan will be pinning their hopes on Teenage, Mutant, Ninja Hurdles.
Watching the Olympics we got on the subject of swimming and how difficult of a sport it is.
Me: Swimming isn't too bad, but really I'm only decent at freestyle. Everything else is terrible. Definitely takes a lot of practice, or body fat.
Him: I can breast stroke all day. My wife gets pretty tired of it though.
During the Olympics in Rio last year, a journalist was walking through the Olympic Village, and passed a guy carrying a long pole over his shoulder.
"Hi! Are you a pole vaulter?"
"No, I'm German, but how do you know my name?"
We were watching the Olympic shooting, when my mum says that a guy at the school she teaches at shoots internationally for Wales. Dad: "Well that's not too impressive, they're pretty big targets."
Watching the Olympic parade of nations with my dad and sister.
Sister: Oooh Micronesia
Dad: Yeah that's just a small loss of memory.
Me: facepalm
A little while later...
Sister: Wait where was Micronesia?
Dad: You didn't see them because they're so small
Me: more facepalm
While watching the Olympics, my mom saw a black athlete that she figured was from Russia. She remarked... >"Oh, I didn't know there were Black Russians."
My dad replied in a matter-of-fact tone, without missing a beat... >"Yea, you just don't add the cream."
We call him Kenjamin but his proper name is Kenjamin Benjamin. This was our text message exchange yesterday and thought it was worthy of sharing.
Dad: After watching the olympics I decided Kenjamin is Chinese.
Me: What? I need you to explain further.
Dad: Ken Xia Minh
Me: Oh my god...
A little backstory: my girlfriend has had a small lizard living in her house recently. She's likened him to the mascot of a specific insurance company. Today, she found him looking rather ill and decided to release him outside.
Cue to me leaving her house tonight. As I walked out the door:
Me - "goodnight!"
Her - "Wait!"
Me - "Geez. You scared me. I thought I was stepping on something."
Her - "No, I just forgot to give you something. Oh no! The poor lizard! That would've been terrible!"
Me - " I know!! ... ... He would've never been able to achieve his Olympic dreams as a Gecko roman wrestler."
Her - "Go. Now."
"Did you hear about the Olympic rings in the opening ceremony? One of them was afraid to come out."
Stepdad: What's another name for the Winter Olympics?
Me: What?
Stepdad: White people Olympics.
http://goo.gl/4RBWVA
tl;dr: TIL During the 2014 Sochi Olympics, Russians got free passes on the Moscow subway system if they did 30 squats in front of a motion sensor
/u/SayLem37: "How did the sensor know they were russian?"
/u/eatnubmer1: "They did the squats quickly."
While watching the closing ceremonies for the Olympics, my dad says
"Do you think that in Ukraine, they call their heads 'ukrainiums'?"
Begrudging groans were had by all.
Later if I asked him a question about the olympics he always responded with "Go post your question on the string"
He turned to me while we were watching Bob Costas covering the Sochi Olympics and he said "you know what I would say to Bob Costas if I met him today?" "No, Grandpa." "Eye, Eye" Should have seen that one coming.
Watching the Olympics tonight and I had a perfect opportunity.
TV shows the outside of the figure skating arena.
Wife: that building is soo cool.
Me: that is how they keep the ice in skating condition after all.
Me: Why is it called short-program skating?
Friend: Because it's the 20 second Olympics.
I was watching the Olympic men's Super combined downhill when I made the comment that the skiers get down the hill pretty quickly (referring to the speedometer that would pop up occasionally).
Without missing a beat my dad said the last U.S. skier made it down the hill Ligety split.
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itβs a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itβs tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donβt think itβs feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
Thereβs a new type of broom out, itβs sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels canβt tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itβs pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldnβt control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didnβt have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit β‘What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itβs a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itβs tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donβt think itβs feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
Thereβs a new type of broom out, itβs sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels canβt tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itβs pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldnβt control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn
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