A, B, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, & Z are all racists.. How do I know?

Because they're all not 'C's.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RedPlanetCorridor
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I am very worried as I saw that my son wrote "M-y h-o-p-e-s" five-hundred times in his diary.

I found out it's because he said his hopes are dashed.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2021
🚨︎ report
L, M, O, P, Q...Where did 'N' go?

Enrolled.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SiD_-_-_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2021
🚨︎ report
A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y,Z

Happy No L!

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/big_macaroons
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
*whispers* b i o l o g y p u n s . . .
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OCTUStudio
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2020
🚨︎ report
**T H E R E I S N O E S C A P E**
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Colbert is calling on America to cope with surplus cheese. Drops a slew of cheese related puns starting at [1:33](https://youtu.be/37-pPk0bJ-o?t=1m33s). youtube.com/watch?v=37-pP…
πŸ‘︎ 106
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/davbrowdid
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2016
🚨︎ report
h a n d s o a p
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Alienbeef0421
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Can I play World War Z without having played World War A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X and Y before? /r/ShouldIbuythisgame/com…
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JonaSavage17
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally swallowed a handful of scrabble tiles

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster…..

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WeareStarstuff7
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Why was the winner of the punctuation competition upset?

All he got was a P.O.S. trophy

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gojumboman
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2022
🚨︎ report
What do you call a transparent robot?

See through P O

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/New_Direction5231
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2022
🚨︎ report
I can spell something with more than 100 letters

P-O-S-T O-F-F-I-C-E

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ShaShabbaLife
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2022
🚨︎ report
I'll just leave this here
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Unsterbbar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
🚨︎ report
A deer, B deer, C deer, D deer,...

... E deer, F deer, G deer, H deer, I deer, J deer, K deer, L deer, M deer, N deer, P deer, Q deer, R deer, S deer, T deer, U deer, V deer, W deer, X deer, Y deer and Z deer.

Wait.. did I miss one out? O deer

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OPettz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2022
🚨︎ report
tiforp a

I turned a profit.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/derpthatderps
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2017
🚨︎ report
Some people say I’m too β€œpatronizing”

(That means I treat them like they’re stupid)

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Drake_Pancake
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2018
🚨︎ report
A boy raises his hand in class and asks the teacher if he can be excused to use the bathroom, the teacher says..

β€˜yes but just to prove you’ve been paying attention I’d like you to recite the alphabet first’

So with his best effort the boy replies β€˜A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z’

The teacher says β€˜very good but what happened to the P?’

β€˜Well this took so long it’s running down my leg’

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s Sherlock Holmes’ favourite part of the alphabet?

L-M-N-O-P, my dear Watson.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThisTimeIChoose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2021
🚨︎ report
My son was born today (totally true story)

A couple of hours later, I text my wife

"I don't want to alarm you, but I'm the hospital"

edit: the original message

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Einstine1984
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Help me with math

Why are there so many singles working in the rope factory? Letters are: P,I,H,Y,E,T,O,L,A,N,K Thanks :) Edit: found it, they all hope to tie the knot

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NotAPenguin46
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
🚨︎ report
He didn't bi it

Male friend of mine, [Elton], is bi, told me about a crush he had on a guy he'd met through wilderness backpacking (relevant), and how he doesn't think he has a chance. Having no other information and an IT guy's policy of checking the obvious things first, I asked the dumb questions, via text.

>Me: So you're sure he's into guys
>Elton: Y E S
>Me: Okay, okay, just getting that straight
>Elton: A N G E R Y
>Me: But yeah, given everything else you've told me, I think you've got a chance
Me: Presuming he also knows the lay of the land
Elton: N O
Elton: S T A H P

I don't know why he keeps coming to me for relationship advice.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/teuast
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Got my girlfriend

Her: I can't write upside down. Me: U P S I D E D O W N Her: Oh for crying out loud.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cleverley1986
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2016
🚨︎ report
What cartoon character drinks way too much fizzy orange drink?

G u n k P o o F a n t a

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rwp80
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My 7 year old is the hero we all need..

Last night at a restaurant, my son started to spell out things he wanted. Wether it was to annoy us, or keep my 4 year old daughter in the dark on the different kinds of ice cream, he succeeded on both fronts. Anyways, my wife goes "Enough, stop!". And he proceeds to go " e-n-o-u-g-h s-t-o-p". Then I chime in and say "one more time, and your in trouble, you are very annoying, use your words".

After a blank look on his face for a few seconds, the kind he and I both get when we are plotting something, he looks at me and simply says..... " Okay"

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lilbandit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2016
🚨︎ report
A Polish man goes to the optometrist

Optometrist: Now I’ll show you some letters and you’ll read them

Polish man: okay

Optometrist shows the letters C W O Z A K Y L P T U J

Polish man: that’s my neighbors name!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/edoardoking
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Sleep-Deprivation Fueled Pun War

My friend (L) and I (B) ended up in a pun war. She had to wake up super early to catch a flight, and this was at about one in the morning:

L: I should definitely set my alarm to 'cow' o.O

B: Haha, do it. Nothing like waking up to cows in the 'moo'rning.

L: Oh my gosh. Absolutely not.

B: Hey, but it would be so 'udder'ly hilarious!

L: I just got stabbed to death by a pun.

B: I'm just trying to 'milk' it for all it's worth...

L: If I did that, I'm not sure I'd wake up in a happy 'moo'od.

B: Just drink some 'calf'inated coffee, and you'll be fine.

L: I'd be laughing 'stock' of the town... Cows don't have a sense of humor.

B: Bull!

L: I'll just use my cowculator do determine how much sleep I'm actually going to get tonight...

B: You could wake up a little later, but you'd have to 'hoof' it to the airport.

L: Hope the weather is good, so my plane isn't 'ground'ed 'beef'.

B: That's stretching it... You should make more of an 'heifer't to come up with good puns.

L: I know when I'm getting creamed.

B: It's hard to 'steer' you in the right direction, because you keep changing topics.

L: That's udderly ridiculous. I'm just trying to mooove on.

B: And I just keep churning 'em out...

L: No, you're just spinning your 'veal's.

B: That's one of the best ones I've herd all night!

L: I thought I might've butchered it...

B: PETA might have a beef with you because of it, though...

L: Well done, well done...

B: I don't think they care leather or not you personally slaughtered it, too.

L: See now, I wish you'd stop 'grilling' me about the bad puns... You should 'patty' yourself on the back. I 'dairy' you to come up with more.

B: Well, you can certainly steak a claim for being able to hold your own...

L: I'm a natural 'barn' comedian. However, I really should quit 'yak'king and go to bed. :p

B: Okay, that's not cows... You lose. You 'cud' have done a lot better.

L: The grass is greener on the other side, okay? Also, cows live in barns, and yaks are related to cows.

B: It was still quite a stretch... Don't have a cow about it.

L: Ha anymoo. Goodnight! Also, don't die of mad cow disease.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/guerrilla154
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2015
🚨︎ report
"Do you have any letters for me, Mum?"

Mum: No, sorry. Nothing came this morning.

Dad: p q r s t and o

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mellow_gecko
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2015
🚨︎ report
My son's first dad joke

My wife, 2 year old son, and I were traveling this past week and went through a drive thru for lunch. After finishing his meal, my son was trying to figure out what the bag said. Not being able to turn around and see what he is seeing, the following exchange took place.

Wife "Do you know what the letters are on the bag?"

Son "Yes!"

Wife " Tell me what the letters are"

Son "A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z!"

Me "Was that his first dad joke?"

Wife "He is definitely your son" and rolled her eyes.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/steveh28
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2014
🚨︎ report
Knock knock

who's there

L-M-N-O-P

L-M-N-O-P who?

no! It's L-M-N-O-P-Q!!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EJayDoubleU
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2015
🚨︎ report
Dad just layed this one on me

You know the funky thing about living on "O" st.? You have to go a block to "P".

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DotKill
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2014
🚨︎ report
This one is best said aloud.

Dad: Hey, what does Mβ€’O (pause) Pβ€’Hβ€’E (pause) Aβ€’D spell?

13 years old Bokanovsky: "mowfeeadd?"

Dad: shit eating grin Mophead!

Bokanovsky: hangs head in shame

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bokanovsky_Jones
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2014
🚨︎ report
From my professor today.

Professor: "so you see the golf here." Me: "golf? You mean gulf." P: "That's what I said. Golf. It's a u that sounds like an o." Me: "no. It's a u that sounds like a u!" P: "well of course I sound like me!! Who else would I sound like?"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ynwestrope
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2014
🚨︎ report
A little Christmas song. A B C D E F G H I J K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L...

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/December_Soul
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I have updated the alphabet for festive period. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z

No-el no-L

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RikM
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did A, B, C...?

Why did A, B, C, D, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y and Z all get sent to the principal's office?

Because they were naughty! (Not "E")

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2022
🚨︎ report
Teacher: Sing the alphabet.

Student: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, phosphorus, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z.

Teacher: How did you say phosphorus instead of L, M, N, O, and P?

Student: Because phosphorus is EL-EM-EN-TAL P.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Fun fact: there are actually 2 β€˜N’s in the alphabet...

... l m N o p ... w x y N z

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SubstantialBelly6
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2021
🚨︎ report
I commissioned an artist to make me a set of letters of the alphabet out of cast iron.

I received A, B, C, D, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z.

I'm missing the iron E.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tratemusic
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
🚨︎ report
You would expect A Queue to go in order

but it skips b c d e f g h I j k l m n o and p

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/G3RRRIT
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.