There's supposed to be a new time travel movie coming out next year.
Here’s a positive post for the new year
As my son proudly handed me my new grandchild, I asked him if he knew the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling. Puzzled, my son replied, "No, what?" I explained...
"One is a whiny toddler and the other is a tiny waddler!
My seven-year-old daughter came up with this joke. If it’s not a new joke, my apologies, but it was a first time I’ve heard of it:
What goes after USA?
USB.
Edit: Thanks for the awards and the upvotes! My daughter is going to love this.
Our 8-year old stopped family dinner conversation to tell us he made up a joke… “Hey Doctor, I need a new butt…”
“This one has a hole in it.”
My wife was dying trying not to laugh too much and encourage him.
He swears he made it up on his own. Original or not, I couldn’t be prouder.
I know you're tired of new year jokes but I want to tell you one
Wishing you all a Happy New Year!!!!
For my new year’s resolution l’m not going to use deodorant spray anymore
My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate more.
But I’m gonna start tomorrow.
My 16 year old son told me I was a simp (probably because I'm looking to get into a new relationship), after I looked up the meaning I told him:
You must be a Simpson then.
This year I made my New Year's Resolution...
To finish everything I sta...
My new year’s resolution is to start finishing all my jokes
What did Adam say at midnight the first New Year?
My New Year’s Resolution is to become a wood carver.
Right now I only know a whittle.
The new year photos came out beautiful.
They had a very good resolution!
My New Year’s Resolution this year is to stop taking my multiple disorder meds.
Instead of 'Happy New Year' I said 'good year' to my wife.
I procrastinated on planning for my New Year’s Eve party..
Guess I dropped the ball.
How’d the prepubescent boy celebrate the new year?
Every Year on New Years Day
(dad hears something funny) That's the funniest thing I've heard ALL year.
(Dad eats dinner) This is the best thing I've eaten ALL year.
Not to brag, but I kept my new year’s resolution for 2020 by tackling the Rockies.
Next year, it is the Rambos.
My New Year’s resolution is to start collecting highlighters
My new year’s resolution was to read more.
so.. I turned the subtitles on the tv! It's been working great!
A toast for the new year!
It the first thing you do on January 1st is go to a restaurant and order a starter dish, you’re having an APPY new year.
I Started A New Business Making Yachts In My Attic This Year
The sails are going through the roof
Starting the new year positive!
I got my covid test yesterday
I named my dog "Happy New Year"
when I call him in every night, the neighbors think I've lost my mind
When I lived in New York, my bike got stolen at least once a year
I haven't seen my personal trainer since last year but the results are still showing. She was great and I really miss her. I just wanted to give you guys details on the new campaign I'm launching for her:
"Abs Since May" kickstart, go fund her!
I have only two new years resolutions this year. One: get back to the weight I was before the accident.
Two: stop referring to last year's junk food binge as 'the accident'
Son: Hey dad, did you know there’s a new Fast and Furious movie coming out next year!
Me: Oh, I didn’t know that.
Son: It’s the tenth one, know what they’re calling it? Fasten your seatbelt!
You know, this happens every year. I tell myself it’s the end of the Christmas season and not to get too emotional. The holiday season has to end sometime and we have a whole new year ahead. But still, when I take down the tree…
I can’t help but get a little sappy.
For the new year I’m sharing my resolution
This year I've made a new years resolution to stop listening to Ed Sheeran.
I don't want to start bad habits.
It was a tough job to get Big Ben fixed in time to go "bong" for the new year.
They had to work around the clock!
Don’t forget when you’re writing the date tomorrow, the first set of numbers in the new year is twenty.
The second set isn’ twenty too, it’s twenty-two.
I make the same New Years resolution every year, and I break it every year.
I resolve to never make another New Years resolution.
Hi. Tired of new year jokes? But I want to tell you one
As my son proudly handed me my new grandchild, I asked him if he knew the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling. Puzzled, my son replied, "No, what?" I explained...
"One is a whiny toddler and the other is a tiny waddler!
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