I found a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
I just found out that my new electric toothbrush is not waterproof.
Did you hear a team of scientists found a new pill that does the exact opposite of Viagra?
The lead scientist said “it wasn’t hard”.
My wife found this new beauty regimen...
She was rubbing avocado on her eyes twice a day to get rid of crows feet. It was actually working until she started having eye problems.
Opthalmologist said it was the worst case of guacoma she ever saw.
Just found out they have opened a new library in my town...
I couldn't help myself- before I knew what was happening, I found myself bragging about getting the new Nintendo console in 2006.
I had to break up with my new girlfriend today after I found out both of us hates exercising.
My son chewed on an old quarter he found and asked me if he could exchange it for a new one..
I had to say no because I don’t trade bitcoins
Geologists in Turkey found a lode of a new type of precious mineral.
Naming it after the great Roman emperor, it's called Constantine-opal.
Wife wanted new shoe laces, found some at 36 inches and asked if 3 feet would be enough..
I said, "why, you only have two."
- based on true story today. :)
Darth Vader found his new wife near the stairs...
Ever since my doctor had me start this new medication, I’ve found myself writing additional lyrics to popular songs.
Must be an add-verse reaction.
Scientists have added a new element to the periodic table that's only found in beans
Just found a great new year joke in Vietnamese [English below]
My buddy found a bike in the trash and fixed it up like new
What do you get if all the vowels in the alphabet found new homes?
You’d be having a full vowel movement!
Told by my 8 year old daughter at the dinner table tonight. I was soo proud and laughed, her mom just rolled her eyes.
I named my new cat Ben but then found out it was a girl.
It is said that King Kong was found by the British in Kowloon in 1934, having escaped from New York.
They treated him nicely, but he escaped anyway and killed a bunch of their people.
So they Hong Kong.
Scientists just found a new species of bears without ears. They are called...
I found it easier to follow my new year's resolution after I misspelled it.
I am now on a no-crab diet
Found this in new thought it belonged here
What did the chemist say when they found two new isotopes of helium?
A new mummy was found in Egypt. It was covered in chocolate and nuts.
The archeologists believe he was known as Pharaoh Rocher!
My wife just texted me about a new mattress she found online for $600 off
I replied “Don’t you think we should sleep on it first?”
Found this while looking for a new fridge freezer
I found a new bakery today, but they only sell 11 loaves a day.
It's called A Leaven Bread.
Mate of mine used a modified Fatman in a New Vegas inspired talbetop-RPG. We both found the damage calculation of the lingering damage the GM thought of quite punny:
"Type: Radioactive Fallout, 7d6"
New Dad and I just found this sub!
https://imgur.com/a/f44TpVo
What did the bird say when it found a brand new brick wall?
The new sailor, Leo, asked me where the ship's cook could be found.
I said, "He's in the Galley, Leo."
I swear, that guy struts around like all the planets revolve around him.
I found out where the new courthouse is being built ...
Do you think this is grounds for legal action?
There is a new found side effect of coronavirus.
Found this in my local paper about Ed Sheeran playing in New Zealand.
A new study has found that white envelopes tend to be delivered faster than envelopes of any other colour
I guess you could say that there's...
white mail privilege
A new study is showing surprising advances in primate evolution: Dr. Thomas Ink, a researcher in southern Africa has found certain groups of apes 'brewing' alcohol by leaving old fruit to stand in water pools then drinking from it and becoming inebriated.
Dr. Ink has dubbed these 'Monkey Bars'.
Did you hear they found new evidence of the missing link?
Hopefully it's not just another fossil arm.
My dad has found a new way of cutting the grass.
He tells dad jokes until the lawns moan.
A new study found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers.
Due to a fire at the bowling league’s headquarters, though, we will probably never know for whom the Tells bowled.
My favorite porn start has found a new career!
She moved from the teen category to the MILF category!
I found this new rock band that has obsessive compulsive disorder
I found a new bread recipe where you don’t need to get your hands messy by mixing the flour.
I found a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
I just found out that my new electric toothbrush is not waterproof.
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