New Father Puns

Thanks for the Baghdad!

But it just wont cut it.

It was of a Thermos flask that he took to work

I was just checking it out closely, just then he said

"Hey, don't touch my Thermos tat"

She replied “Thanks for the Baghdad”

Today while driving, my 2.5 year old asked for "tookies" and I replied with "Turkeys?" She responded quickly with her little "no". I feel proud that I can finally dad joke my child now. (This is an advancement in conversation structure between us)

When I asked what happened to the old ones he said “ they decided it was time to go to wire college”

His father says, "Son, now you've got a child of your own, I think it's time you had this."

And with that, he pulls out a book called, "1001 Dad Jokes".

The new Dad says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.

His father says, "Hi Honored, I'm Dad."

Son: Dad, I turn 16 in a few months and would really like a car for my birthday.

Father: Well son, I’ll make a deal with you. If you do three things for me, I’ll get you the car. First, you need to improve your grades. Second, I want you to see you in church every Sunday. And finally, I want you to cut your long hair.

A FEW MONTHS PASS

Son: Dad, next week is my birthday and I’ve done everything you asked. Can I get a car?

Father: I did notice you got straight A’s on your report card and I’ve seen you at church every Sunday. But you didn’t cut you hair. I told you to cut your hair.

Son: I wanted to talk to you about that. In bible study I learned that Moses, John the Baptist, and Jesus all had long hair.

Father: Yes they did. And they walked everywhere they went.

Cant wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

I was with my wife in the hospital after the birth of my first child.

Wife: It's crazy how she knows to suck on my boobies for food.

Me: Of course she knows. She wasn't born yesterday!

She shook her head and stopped talking to me. I have succeeded.

it runs in the jeans

(first dad joke i remember my father telling me)

Dad said: "Guess you could call him a pop-cicle"

I eventually pulled him over and said "c'mon dude, there's a thyme and a plaice" but this is not it!

... It is going to be rough. (Yes he actually is going, and it is a real thing)

"The first close up images of Pluto are in......"

http://i.imgur.com/1BkwLcu.png

..it took a while to sink in.

Friend 1&2: Talking about computers and virus software and it was brought up how you don't really need extra virus protection if you buy an apple computer. Friend 3: Didn't apple have a big virus recently? Without missing a beat someone responds was it a worm?

and it showed an artist sketch of a person that had been robbing some local corner stores. The sketch had a dude in a snow cap and sunglasses.

I didn't catch the first half of the story and asked what he was wanted for.

His response..."I guess he was looking kinda shady." and then gave me that little dad joke smile.

http://imgur.com/4ksqE94

"Break an arm or something!"

The girl replied, “Thanks for the Baghdad”

She said, “Thanks for the Baghdad.”

"Well son, now that you've got a kid of your own, I think it's time to give you this"

"Dad, you don't mean-"

"Yes son, I do" Dad pulls out a copy of 1001 dad jokes.

"Dad .. I'm honoured ..", he says, tears sparkling in his eyes.

"Hi honored", replies his father. "I'm dad".

His father says, "Son, now you've got a child of your own, I think it's time you had this."

And with that, he pulls out a book called, "1001 Dad Jokes".

The new Dad says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.

His father says, "Hi Honored, I'm Dad."

A proud new father sits down with his dad to have a drink.

"Well son, now that you have a son of your own its time I gave you something."

"Dad you dont mea-"

"Yes I do. You've earned it." Says the father as he passes a copy of '1001 Dad Jokes 5th Edition' to the son.

"Dad I dont know what to say...I'm honored."

"Hi honored," Replies the father. "I'm dad."

A proud new dad sits down to have a drink with his father

"Well son, now that you’ve got a kid of your own, I think it’s time to give you this"

"Dad, you don’t mean-"

"Yes son, I do" Dad pulls out copy of 1001 Dad Jokes, 5th Edition "Dad… I’m honoured…", he says, tears sparkling in his eyes.

"Hi honoured", replies his father. "I’m dad".