I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.”
I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
There will be point in the future when Canada will take over the world.
And then you will all be sorry.
If you think that your microwave collecting data and the TV spying on you is bad enough...
the vaccum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years...
I was at a garage sale yesterday, and I saw a 70 inch TV for $5. I asked the person running the garage sale what the catch was. They told me the volume is stuck at max, so you know what I said?
My favorite crime tv show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
Alright #2 for the Basketball/Car enthusiast: Who do you call when you need a ride during covid to the NBA Finals and your having engine problems.
A Booker with a working CP3
True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling “I stepped on a Bee!”
I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...
Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.
Apparently I had dropped one...
Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....
A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.
When I was working at McDonald’s I had to wait on an NBA team.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
Whenever a dad looks for a TV remote..
they are always in a remote location
Johnny's father took him on a fishing trip to Canada.
On returning home after catching only three fish his father says, "The way I figure it each fish cost us $400!"
Little Johnny replied, "Well, at that price it’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more of them than we did."
It took my friend a lot of balls to appear in the Reality TV show “Embarrassing Bodies”.
Was planning a big announcement that I’m watching the new Marvel TV show.
But I’m keeping it low key.
"The perfect TV crossover doesn't exi.. oh."
I noticed that Marvel aren't going very much promotion for their new upcoming tv series...
They want to keep it low key
Anton LaVey tried to sign with a NBA team
But he was told he doesn't have a shot in hell.
How do you say "No TV" in Russian?
Two TV Antennas got married….
The wedding was terrible but the reception was great
What sport do fisherman always try to catch a game of on TV?
My grown son asked me how I never seemed to lose the tv remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
How did Canada get its name?
They figured out the fairest way to name their country was to pull letters out of a hat. So they gathered around and a guy started pulling letters...
pulls letter "C, eh."
pulls another "N, eh."
pulls another "D, eh."
And that's how Canada got its name.
Did you hear about the new TV show called The Walking Dad?
It’s about dads who walk around the house all day turning off lights and muttering that they’re “not made of money.”
Came to the living room and found the TV screen was white.
"Who's watching Peace TV?"
My buddy was promoted to quality inspector for the Canada Goose Jacket Company. He doesn't like it very much though...
...lately, he's been feeling down.
Who is Canada’s favourite rap artist?
I hate TV Tropes
I was watching a show about these politicians. But then I woke up and it was all a dream.
How much of Northern Canada is habitable?
What tv show did the astronaut appear in?
What is Canada’s national board game?
How does a dog stop a TV show....
Bounty Paper Towels has introduced a drone which will retrieve a TV remote from anywhere in your house...
It’s the “Clicker Picker Upper.”
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry
What do you call a Smart TV?
I just saw an announcement on TV. Seems there’s a fortune teller that happens to be a dwarf, wanted by the FBI
To sum it up, there’s a small medium at large.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
TV repair during the pandemic has been pretty easy.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Did you know that Canada doesn't have any Wells Fargo locations?
I just found out the country of Canada is a complete work of fiction.
My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, “Dad get out of the way!”
I said, “You’re the ones blocking!”
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
True story: As kids, my sister and I were fighting over the TV remote and it got heated. The remote flew across the room and a couple AAA batteries fell out. My sister threw one at me, and I grabbed a nearby salt shaker and threw it at her.
My mother, who was watching this go down, just laughs and says, "Assault and battery!"
She then left the room, cackling.
I found pictures of Mt. Rushmore before it was carved
Its natural beauty was unpresidented
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Who do you call when you need a ticket during covid to the NBA Finals.
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