Naughty Harry Potter Puns

Answer - Expecto Petroleum

Walking...

JK. Rolling!!

While assembling a new shelf for the wife she instructed me. "Don't mess up the floor!" So I threw down the flatten box with authority and proclaimed, "Protecto Dafloor'um"

The eye rolls for her and the kids were priceless!

As my title suggests, my mom is a huge Harry Potter nut. She and my dad actually met in a harry potter “IRC” (like Disord but for old people) in the early 00s got married had kids and from day one decided to embarrass us for life by naming us after some Harry Potter and Star Wars characters.

It’s honestly been hell. I have a stupid name and since we were little my parents have forced stuff like Harry Potter, Star Wars, marvel movies, etc etc down our throats. Everything is about dragons and magic and blah blah blah. I’m so sick of it. Every birthday every holiday everything is just organized around “fandom.”

So just like every Christmas the days leading up to Christmas we have to sit down every night and watch Harry Potter movies. It’s. So. Fucking. BORING!!!! I can usually get away with knitting or drawing on my Ipad during this but this year my mom was like “let’s just have a technology and distraction free night every night”

I arranged to go over to my friend Missy’s house instead for like two nights. Missy’s family is NORMAL and likes things a NORMAL amount. My mom got really mad and started talking about how it’s a family tradition and how I’m basically rejecting her and went on her whole thing about how “you wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for harry potter.”

I finally had it and just yelled “NOBODY CARES THAT YOU WERE A BIG NAME IN THE HARRY POTTER FAN CLUB!!! I don’t like Harry Potter! I don’t like Star Wars! I HATE MARVEL MOVIES THEY’RE ALL SO BORING PLEASE JUST LET ME HAVE MY OWN INTERESTS!”

I couldn’t help it I started crying because I was just so frustrated because everything always has to be about harry potter this star wars that and now that we’re all older they started doing game of thrones. EVERYTHING is centered around some kind of movie or tv show or book series.

Just onces I want my family to band around something that DOESN’T have to do with media or these nerdy things. We live in Utah where we have like 5 National Parks and even though I ask every year for my birthday I’VE NEVER EVEN BEEN TO ARCHES!!!!

Well my sister called me saying that mom was angry and to just come home and to stop with the theatrics. I told her that I’m sick of having all this old “nerd” stuff crammed down my throat and just once I want to have a normal time watching normal Christmas movies and not having to pause for “lightsabre battles”.”

AITA?!??!

HEY GUYS I know you think you're "cool" and "in on the joke" wink wink when you DM me and ask me for my n

Thought this would be an interesting question. How could JKR have ended the Harry Potter books that would have most pissed you off or made you angry?

For me

• Harry choosing to get on the train when Dumbledore made the offer, essentially choosing to die rather than to live.

• Hermione and Draco realising they are incredibly in love and want to be together forever.

• Ron being killed in a stupid and/or pointless way. I could accept him dying in a way where he saved lives, doing something really brave, but it would have pissed me off a lot if he died by some other means, or some reasonably pointless death.

• It was all a dream. Harry defeats Voldemort and the final line is "and then Harry woke up in his cupboard, a tear running down his cheek as he realised Ron, Hermione and Ginny never existed"

Any of those events would have angered me a great deal.

So, what could JKR have done to end the books that would have angered you?

The discussion of JK Rowling naming the only East Asian character Cho Chang has recently resurfaced on my twitter timeline, and people seem to be angry at this representation of a Chinese girl.

HOWEVER, I am a Chinese girl with a Chinese name - I grew up in England, and my sister and I were the only Chinese kids at our school. Cho Chang was the first Chinese character I encountered whilst reading. I felt seen. Her name, and even the fact that she was the only Chinese girl (that I knew of) at Hogwarts, resonated with me. I also think this reflects the time in which JK Rowling wrote the books: there just wasn’t as many Chinese people in the country as there are now.

I don’t think the problem is Cho Chang - I think it’s that I haven’t come across another relatable character (ethnicity-wise) whilst reading.

I just needed to vent today… exam season is taking its toll on me…

Currently watching the reunion special, would love to chat with some fellow potterheads!

Because it's the Griffin Door.

She didn't get it. And didn't think it was funny when I explained it. I thought it might be better received here.

I’d like to see a Cursed Child TV show or a Voldemort prequel show.

I increased the sampling temprature a lot so that's why this shit makes no sense. Anyways, here it is:

>Harry potter was a violent, unhurt wizard. One day, he decided grow his hand for Ron, his best friend from Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Ron was pointing Snape and said "you got a good look." Dumbledore stood drunkenly and roared at Ron because he was enraged by Ron's mouth words. Ron instinctively veiled his rock cakes. Hepzibah happily said "this is my friend James Potter." Harry felt that James was not remotely flat. James approached Harry and said "you might belong in Azkaban." Harry was glad. Dumbledore was trying to drown Mrs. Longbottom, alongside Hermione Granger, Harry's friend from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Dudley Dursley was playing with his Playstation but he knew that Harry had feelings for him. Horace, Draco Malfoy's best friend, decided to remain bearded. Bellatrix showed Snape her eyebrows and retreated. "Moving 'arry potter tonight." said him. Mundungus fletcher stole fang the boarhound, bellowing with sarcasm. Fang the Boarhound knew that he must not speak now.

I said “Hmmm about 9 and 3/4”

I understand being a massive fan of something. Hell I love LoTR but I don’t spend hundreds on the merch. I just think it’s a bit cringe for 30 somethings to be so obsessed with a secondary school that doesn’t exist.

He wore a Hedwig

He never seemed to learn anything in school except how to disarm people and summon things, while his dad had already figured out how to create the Marauders Map and become an Animagus at his age.

How do you get to the weight room at Hogwarts?

Through the Dumbell Door.

You know, I think in the movies they downplayed Lily's sacrifice. We see her hit with the killing curse during flash backs and her telling baby Harry that she and James love him but that's it. That's so maddening.thats the worst part to me.

What about y'all?

It's crazy to me how quickly Harry Potter caught on, especially given that it wasn't an established IP or author. To be clear, I'm not looking for a literary analysis (I'm sure the content helped, but great books get missed all the time). Rather, I am curious what external factors allowed such an incredible rise in popularity. Did some media giant pick up the series early and decide "we're going to market the hell out of this"? Was there a lull in children's fiction at the time that led to a huge demand? Did the english-speaking world just decide that 1997 was the year to read to their kids a lot more than they used to?

Mine is that Harry named a child after Snape, but did not name a child after Hagrid

Walking...

JK. Rolling