Native Love Puns

Then how can it choo choo?

Complements of my 6 year old.

And a Czech one too, and a Czech one too.

Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger!

Me Why?

A man gets a new job at the zoo.

On his first day, he still doesn't really understand what exactly he's meant to do, just that it involves the Gorillas. He goes and checks in and the manager sits him down to explain.

"Now look," says the manager, "We've been having some troubles lately with our gorilla. He was acting up, getting really agitated with the environment, so we had to send him away. We told the people that enclosure's being repaired, but we're actually looking for a new gorilla - can you do it for us?"

The man is unsure, but he needs the money, so he agrees, puts on a gorilla suit and goes out there. At first he's a bit mopey, so he sits around a lot.

After a couple of days he begins to warp up and eats a couple of bananas and wanders around a little.

Over the course of the next few weeks he becomes progressively more outgoing, moving around, playing in the jungle gym, hollering around and beating his chest. He's a big hit and everything's going really well for him, until one day he's on his monkey bars and getting really into it, but he slips and flies through the air, over the pit, clears the fence and lands in a pile of bushes in the next enclosure.

He is just beginning to pick himself up, when out of the corner of his eye, he sees something in the foliage.

A pair of eyes lock with his.

It moves closer.

He knows this is it.

He begins to pray.

Suddenly the creature leaps and tackles him - the biggest, ugliest lion he's ever seen!

It leans in close.

He can see every gleaming tooth in it's mouth

He can smell the lion's breath

It opens it's mouth

And from inside the lion he hears a whisper.

"Make this good or we'll both lose our jobs."

He must have it in his Genes.

But seriously check out his Star Trek track listings. The guy loves a good pun.

Star Trek

1. Star Trek

2. Nailin' The Kelvin

3. Labor Of Love

4. Hella Bar Talk

5. Enterprising Young Men

6. Nero Sighted

7. Nice To Meld You

8. Run And Shoot Offense

9. Does It Still McFly?

10. Nero Death Experience

11. Nero Fiddles, Narada Burns

12. Back From Black

13. That New Car Smell

14. To Boldly Go

15. End Credits

Star Trek Into Darkness

1. Logos / Pranking The Natives

2. Spock Drops, Kirk Jumps

3. Sub Prime Directive

4. London Calling

5. Meld-Merized

6. The Kronos Wartet

7. Brigadoom

8. Ship To Ship

9. Earthbound And Down

10. Warp Core Values

11. Buying The Space Farm

12. The San Fran Hustle

13. Kirk Enterprises

14. Star Trek Main Theme

Star Trek Beyond

1. Logo and Prosper

2. Thank Your Lucky Star Date

3. Night on the Yorktown

4. The Dance of the Nebula

5. A Swarm Reception

6. Hitting the Saucer a Little Hard

7. Jaylah Damage

8. In Artifacts as in Life

9. Franklin, My Dear

10. A Lesson in Vulcan Mineralogy

11. MotorCycles of Relief

12. Mocking Jaylah

13. Crash Decisions

14. Krall-y Krall-y Oxen Free

15. Shutdown Happens

16. Cater-Krall in Zero G

17. Par-tay for the Course

18. Star Trek Main Theme

Note: Quality Very Varying (I see what I did there) and sometimes subject to specialist knowledge. So I apologise in advance. Shame me with your better puns.

While I was languishing in the Language Centre, doing some semantics antics and considering how all the other linguistics students despised and derided me, I was accosted by a stout man with large glasses who made me a preposition. It was that I should collect terrible puns, to do with linguistics, in order to ingratiate myself yet further with the other linguistics students (including even the phonetics fanatics).

I'm struggling to think of a pun to do with grammaticality that both makes sense and "Is grandma tickly?" correct. I'm also stuck on 'morphologician'. (I'm not actually sure that's a particularly logical word for the subject, though I guess that's more for, er, more for a logician to worry about.)

The problem I have with writing about phonological variation is that one is constantly forced to choose between being fun or logical - very Asian!I always get in trouble with electricians, they think I'm calling them a 'dialectician' whereas in fact I'm just saying "Die, electrician."

I like pscycholinguistics – the only department of linguistics where it’s acceptable to wear a cycle helmet. My Australian accent is terrible but I like to think my Sath Efrican one is predicate. My favourite accent is Received Pronunciation, because it is the accent chiefly used by invisible Japanese people who are ordered online. When the first recipient of an invisible Japanese person got the parcel, they wrote a complaint saying "Received but can't see Asian" and the name stuck.

Why did the speakers whose native languages weren't English, but whose only shared language was English, but they weren't very good at it and kept on having to stop to think about it, stop talking to one another? They came to an agreement. (Get it? If not, write your answer on a pastecard and paste it to the below address.)

What did the 'a' say to the 'the'? "You definitely are ticklish, 'the'!"

Why was the small man eaten by the large bear, which was proportionately bigger than him? It had, er, relative claws.

I think the reason there are so many speakers of Russian is because they all partake in an activity called "copulae shun". (Ok, ok, I know, that was Pushkin it.)

I know a man called Hillary who can, might, should, did, must, shall and will ride an ox. We call him "Ox Hillary".

I always think the verb 'to be' in the senten