My granddad has the heart of a lion
and a lifetime ban from London zoo.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jan 28 2021
"I love you from my heart to-ma-toes"
π︎ 596
π
︎ Oct 17 2020
A guy told me the size of my heart matters more than my physical size.
Good thing I went to the cardiologist before the gym.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 02 2021
My girlfriend that I loved with all my heart left me while I was in the bathroom screaming with constipation.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Nov 15 2020
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 12 2020
You want to know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 10 2020
My horoscope said my heart would be broken in 12 years time.
So I bought a puppy to cheer myself up !
π︎ 52
π
︎ Jul 23 2020
My dad is going through heart failure, and the first text that I get from him after sending him a card says:
βNo more corny jokes, now just corn-orary jokesβ
Iβm glad he still has his sense of humor through these tough times
π︎ 141
π
︎ May 31 2020
My mate Gav sadly passed away this morning. Doctors say it was severe heart burn.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Aug 10 2020
My friend and I were playing golf. He hit the flagpole on the shot and said βthat gave me a heart attack!β
I told him βactually that was a strokeβ
π︎ 15
π
︎ Jul 05 2020
My dad had a failing heart and refused to get surgery.
But in the end, he had a change of heart.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Jul 10 2020
My friend created an artificial heart from stuff he got from a mine and an old pistol...
The heart is a vital ore-gun.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 14 2020
Please accept my Heart Felt thanks.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Apr 27 2020
My dear old grandmother always used to say the way to a man's heart was through his stomach,
which is why she lost her job as a cardiac surgeon.
π︎ 25
π
︎ Jan 27 2020
My Dad has the heart of a lion
and now he's banned from our local zoo.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 02 2020
My mother always used to say "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach"
Nice lady and all, I truly loved her, but a terrible surgeon
π︎ 16
π
︎ Feb 15 2020
My mate Gavin passed away from heart burn last week.
Still canβt believe Gaviscon
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 22 2019
My wife always says the way to a manβs heart is through his stomachβ¦
Lovely woman.
Useless surgeon.
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Sep 02 2017
My watch can call people, record my heart rate and even help me with my math
I have such a smart watch
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 20 2020
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
π︎ 47
π
︎ Mar 05 2019
It was a lovely movie and I had a hot date, so I asked her to whisper something in my ear that would make my heart beat faster. She gave me this sly little smile and then she replied,
"Don't look now, but your wife is sitting right behind us."
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 29 2019
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
π︎ 871
π
︎ Feb 08 2018
βI told you Doc!! Iβve got fatigue and my heart keeps skipping a beat! Why do you keep calling me a liar??
Doctor: βSir, Iβll say it again, thatβs A Fib!β
Sorry, Itβs not a good hearted joke.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 26 2019
My kid got tattoos of a heart, club, diamond and spadeβall without my permission.
I might have to deal with him later.
π︎ 198
π
︎ Apr 17 2018
My doctor told me I had to avoid intense activities due to my heart condition.
Now I have to quit my job at the circus and cancel my camping trip.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 26 2019
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Mar 02 2019
Today, my daughter stole my heart...
it's ok though, its my least favorite part of the artichoke
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 12 2019
My dad has a heart of a lion!
And a lifetime ban from the zoo
π︎ 18
π
︎ Jan 11 2021
My Grandfather has the heart of a lion
And a lifetime ban from the zoo
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Apr 12 2020
My grandfather had the heart of a lion
And a permanent ban from the nearby zoo
π︎ 39
π
︎ Oct 20 2020
My grandpa has the heart of a lion
And a lifetime ban from the zoo
π︎ 15
π
︎ Sep 02 2020
My horoscope told me I was going to be heart broken in 12 years
So I bought a puppy to cheer myself up
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jul 08 2020
My grandfather has the heart of a lion...
...and a lifetime ban from the local zoo.
π︎ 28
π
︎ Aug 17 2020
My old grandad has the heart of a lion.
And a lifetime ban from the zoo.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 11 2020
My son has the heart of a lion....
And a lifetime ban from the zoo!
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jul 27 2020
My brother has the heart of a lion.
And a lifetime ban at the San Diego Zoo.
π︎ 120
π
︎ Jan 20 2020
My grandpa has the heart of a lion...
And a lifetime ban from the zoo
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jun 15 2020
My grandpa had the heart of a lion
And a lifetime ban from the Zoo
π︎ 16
π
︎ Mar 27 2020
My dad has a heart of a lion
and a lifetime ban from the zoo
π︎ 70
π
︎ Jul 04 2019
My grandfather has the heart of a lion...
And a lifetime ban at the zoo
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Nov 21 2017
My grandfather has the heart of a lion
And a life time ban from the zoo
π︎ 18
π
︎ Oct 04 2019
My father has the heart of a lion...
... and a life ban from the local zoo.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 10 2019
My grandfather has the heart of a lion
And a lifetime ban from the zoo.
π︎ 21
π
︎ Jul 15 2019
My grampa has the heart of a lion
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
π︎ 48
π
︎ Nov 07 2018
My Grandpa had the heart of a lion...
And a life time ban from the Zoo.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jun 13 2019
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jun 03 2019
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