A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"

"Yes, my master, I have."

"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"

"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."

"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"

"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."

"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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Today I discovered my dear friend it's actually a female.

Now it's a doe friend.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SomeItalianBoy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
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Dear Mother in law...Don't teach me how to bring up my children...

I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/VERBERD
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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OC posted in honor of my dear father-in-law, who died of cancer today

Apologies for not following the usual formatting. My father-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months ago. A few weeks ago, we learned it had spread to his brain. Later that day, he told me:

โ€œWell, everyone came by after they heard about the lung cancer and told me how strong and great I am, and that Iโ€™d beat lung cancer...โ€

pauses for effect

โ€œ...I guess I let it go to my head.โ€

Edit: thank you all for the kind words (and the silver/gold/platinum...Iโ€™ll be making matching gifts to St. Judeโ€™s or a similar organization).

Yes he was a great man. At age 20 he was given 3 months to live due to another โ€˜incurableโ€™ disease. He stuck around for another 45+ years. I could go on and on...

๐Ÿ‘︎ 19k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/bilgerat78
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
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I always wanted to follow my dear Dad as a commercial fisherman..

But his Net income always put me off.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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My dear old grandmother always used to say the way to a man's heart was through his stomach,

which is why she lost her job as a cardiac surgeon.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 25
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Ubadishnard
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
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Sherlock Holmes: My dear Watson, you have a mole on your right upper thigh. /r/Jokes/comments/fu4m13/โ€ฆ
๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kookykau
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
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Dear whoever stole my disc copy of Microsoft office

I will find you. You have my Word.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 1k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DemApplesAndShit
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
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Dear punners, my biology class has to decorate our door. We will make a bunch of snowglobes out of petri dishes. But i need Pun! Help?
๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/keishii10
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 19 2018
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It's elementary, my dear Watson
๐Ÿ‘︎ 55
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/The_Spooder_Matt
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 07 2018
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I made a sculpture in the likeness of my dear old dad: an infamous jewel thief who has never been caught.

Although now he's been busted.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 16
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/garbagearmy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 23 2017
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I can't even picture my dear Morgan going to jail

But if he does, he'll have to change his name to Morgan Man

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/riderx26
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 25 2018
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My dear wife got me

She sends me the following exchange on Facebook Messenger today, while I am elbows deep into a pile of shit @ work.

Her: hey I heard darth vader's wife works in your building Her: Her name is Ella Vader Me: Go, just go.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 14
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/redditg0nad
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 21 2016
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My kids think I call my wife dear as a term of endearment...

But it's because of the horns growing out of her head...

๐Ÿ‘︎ 19
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 19 2017
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This morning, my wife asked me to look up a song on youtube called 'Dear life'...

I said "Is that the remix to 'antelope life'?"

She rolled her eyes, groaned and then laughed.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BruceBannersDick
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 12 2017
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I just found this subreddit, here's a couple of my favorites from dear ole' dad. I can only hope to be a blip of his greatness when I'm his age.

How do you kill a blue elephant?

  • With a blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a white elephant?

  • Choke him till he turns blue, then use a blue elephant gun.

Did you know elephants paint their toenails to hide in bags of skittles? No? Have you ever seen an elephant in a bag of skittles? NO? WELL I GUESS IT WORKS!

All the guys in highschool band would call me a girl whenever my stomach would hurt after playing an instrument too long.

  • Why'd it hurt your stomach? Minstrel Cramps.

I brought a girl over once and her name is Jessica. My father has a pretty severe case of tinnitus where he hears about 5-6 different tones at any given time. She announced her name and he thought it was Melissa for a few minutes. Eventually she corrected him.

He stared at her blankly for a moment and then asked, "Why'd you change your name Melissa? I think Melissa is a much nicer name."

Goddamnitdadwhyyoudothistome.

These are only a few. I practice very hard every day with my friends to become as punny and corny as a father should be with jokes. Someday I'll make him proud.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 15
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CptSmackThat
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 22 2013
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Just dad joked my dear mom

We were in the kitchen talking about musicians who served in World War 2 and Glenn Miller was brought up and how he served in the airforce. She finished her point by saying:

Mom:"A lot of musicians in that era volunteered to serve over seas."

Me:"Yea you'd think Glenn Miller would have wanted to stay at home but I guess he was in the mood."

She threw a piece of bread at me and banished me from the kitchen.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/drfunkenstien014
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 06 2014
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My dad found a book called "Dear Zoo".

Apparently they spelt it wrong.

He laughed and said he makes them up by the minute... It's been a minute, do you want another one?

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/hawk135
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 04 2015
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My Dear Old Man

My dad asked me to fix him a refreshing drink, I said okay but then without missing a beat, he added:

"Not so sweet...
... cause I'm already too sweet!"

My dad is diabetic.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/gaatikah
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
OC posted in honor of my dear father-in-law, who died of cancer today

Apologies for not following the usual formatting. My father-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months ago. A few weeks ago, we learned it had spread to his brain. Later that day, he told me:

โ€œWell, everyone came by after they heard about the lung cancer and told me how strong and great I am, and that Iโ€™d beat lung cancer...โ€

pauses for effect

โ€œ...I guess I let it go to my head.โ€

Edit: thank you all for the kind words (and the silver/gold/platinum...Iโ€™ll be making matching gifts to St. Judeโ€™s or a similar organization).

Yes he was a great man. At age 20 he was given 3 months to live due to another โ€˜incurableโ€™ disease. He stuck around for another 45+ years. I could go on and on...

๐Ÿ‘︎ 25
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/KoronaSenpai
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Dear person who stole my copy of Office, I will find you.

You have my Word.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 22
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dankassmememachine
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 17 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I made a sculpture in the likeness of my dear old dad: an infamous jewel thief who has never been caught.

Although now he's been busted.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 20
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/garbagearmy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 23 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

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