A man went to the doctorβs and told him, βI feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.β
He said, βWow, thatβs the worst case of parking sonβs disease Iβve ever seen.β
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︎ Sep 17 2020
my wife and I found out that our boy was convicted of burning down houses
no matter what he's still arson
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︎ Nov 03 2020
My wife gave birth to our baby boy otw to the hospital...
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︎ Nov 26 2020
So the doctor sat me down and gently revealed to me me that my child is a boy trapped in a girls body...
...Until my wife gives birth that is. Only three more months to go!
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︎ Jul 22 2020
My favorite holiday drink is the Little Drummer Boy...
It's one part rum, three parts pum.
(A favorite of mine from Tim Seidell)
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︎ Dec 11 2020
My Spanish friends little boy still can't say please....
And I think it's poor for four.
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︎ Nov 25 2020
My time in the Boy Scouts really made me a supporter of gay marriage
Itβs where I learned you can tie the knot in different ways
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︎ Oct 16 2020
I entered my sons room and said, "Remember, boy, masturbating can make you go blind."
"I'm over here dad." He replied.
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︎ Jul 27 2020
My boys were arguing about who would get to drive the go-kart around the track...
I told them, "You guys should take turns".
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︎ Oct 24 2020
Realized my boys will someday be dads after the cat tried to sneak outside tonight
Me, to my two boys: "Hazel tried to escape, but I rescued her!...Or....should I say captured her?"
Boy 1: (pronunciation) "cap- CHURR!"
Boy 2: "Or... You CAT-tured her!"
Boy 1: "No, you CAT cat-ture Hazel!"
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︎ Oct 31 2020
My sister had twins, a boy and a girl, and asked for help naming them.
She liked my suggestion of calling the girl Denise, but had second thoughts when I suggested calling the boy Danephew.
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︎ Oct 16 2020
I was talking to my friend and he asked me, βAs a young boy was your mom strict with you?β I told him, βTo be honest,...
β...my mother was never a young boy.β
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︎ Jul 30 2020
My daughter asked if she could cut the hair off of one of her barbies to make a boy barbie.
I said "You Ken if you want to."
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︎ Sep 28 2020
βOh my God!β, my wife said, smiling, βour boy is...kicking.β
I said, βI know. I think thatβs how soccer works.β
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︎ Sep 26 2020
My twin preschool boys were playing with foam letters in the bathtub.
One happened to put the letter T into a toy stacking cup I was holding. I tried to give it to him but he didn't want it.
So I turned to my other son and said, "Hmm, guess it's not his cup of T".
Neither 3yo got it so I had to tell someone.
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︎ Jun 10 2020
I remember the last words my grandfather ever said to me. He said βYou selfish boy!β
Not long after that, I became a fishmonger.
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︎ Jul 31 2020
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︎ Aug 15 2020
When I was a young boy, I was walking down a gravel road with my grandpa. I accidentally slipped and fell to the ground, cutting my knees. Grandpa gently bent down and began to clean the wound, removing the little pebbles now embedded in my skin as I cried...
I'd always heard adults talk about it, but I finally knew what they were talking about.
I'll never forget the pain of my first kid knee stones...
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︎ Jun 04 2020
My son walked into the living room only to find me looking around all misty eyed. Reluctantly, he asked, "What's up pop?" I blubbered, "My boy, I really love our furniture..."
"Me and my recliner go way back."
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︎ Jul 21 2020
Hi, I'm Poseidon. Just had to share this. I'm so proud of my boy. He's already working on his Christmas cards for this year, and I walked by and noticed what he was writing in each one.
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︎ Jul 26 2020
My brother and his wife decided to name their baby boy Tinnitus.
He claims it has a nice ring to it.
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︎ Jun 17 2020
I told both of my boys to beware of brassieres
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︎ Jun 27 2020
[from my 4yo boy] How do you keep warm in a cold room?
Go to the corner there always around 90Β°
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︎ May 08 2020
So my kids want to become a Boy Band
I went to their first practice, and they spent the whole time tripping over each other while trying to dance.
I guess they weren't N-Sync.
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︎ Jun 11 2020
My son asked me how to tell a boy squirrel from a girl squirrel.
I told him to check for nuts.
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︎ Apr 11 2020
My 10yo boy seriously thought I'm an atheist.
Because I was born in the 80's and that makes me an eightieist.
//I'm not making this up.
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︎ Dec 06 2019
A joke from my 4 year old boy
How did the light bulb cross the road?
With legs!!
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︎ May 05 2020
On our imaginary trip to Maui, my boy and I both stubbed our toes at the same. We were the chosen ones because we were gifted...
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︎ Apr 20 2020
I told my son that if he brings home a boy, that he wouldnβt be my favorite son.
I would have two sons that are my favorite
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︎ Mar 14 2020
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money.
On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.
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︎ Dec 12 2019
Once my little boy stopped loving tractors, he started to really suck the air out of the room.
He became an extractor fan.
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︎ Jan 20 2020
Today my little boy came up and asked me βDad, are we pyromaniacs?β
I looked down at him and said βYes we arsonβ
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︎ Jan 10 2020
My car horn wasnβt working, so I took it to a Boy Scout.
He fixed it and said, βBeep repairedβ
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︎ Feb 25 2019
A little boy came running up to me and said, "Please help, my dad is in a fight!"
I followed him and came across two men fighting, so I asked him, "Which one's your dad?!"
He replied, "I don't know, that's what they're fighting about."
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︎ Feb 09 2018
My boy asked me to hand him his sunglasses.
I told him I'd do it as soon as he hands me my dadglasses
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︎ Jul 08 2017
One of my boy scouts asked me, "Sir, is this snake poisonous?"
I said, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all."
So the boy picks up the snake which bites him, and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror.
I continued, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."
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︎ Jul 28 2017
"I really fancied Marilyn Monroe as a young boy," said my husband.
I said, "Marilyn Monroe was never a boy."
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︎ Oct 20 2019
I had a terrifying experience with my therapist after trying to get over of my reoccurring nightmares with the Backstreet Boys. Me: I'm terrified of the Backstreet Boys
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︎ Aug 25 2019
1 boy was named trouble and the other was called shutup. One day trouble got lost so shutup went to the police station and said βI lost my brotherβ. The police said βwhat is your nameβ βshutupβ the police said βwhat did you say to meβ βshutupβ. The police said βare you looking for troubleβ βyepβ
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︎ Jun 07 2019
I thought my wife said we were having a boy, but she just gave birth to a self-luminous gaseous spheroidal body who immediately started performing nuclear fusion reactions
I'm really not ready to have a Sun. Any advice?
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︎ Jan 19 2019
I told my teen daughter to invite all the boys she texts over for Thanksgiving...
We're gonna call it a Friends-zone-giving.
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︎ Oct 23 2019
A boy complains to his father: 'You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!'
Father: 'Really, what?'
Boy: 'That the potato should go in the front.'
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︎ Jul 23 2019
A boy was feeling very nervous about his first date, so went to his father for advice. "My son, there are three subjects that always work with women: food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they stare at each other for a long time...
The boy's nervousness builds, but he then asks, "Do you like potato pancakes?"
"No," comes the answer and the silence returns like a suffocating blanket.
"Do you have a brother?"
"No."
After giving it some thought, the boy plays his last card, "If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?"
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︎ Oct 03 2019
Doc, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!
Doc: Wow! Thatβs the worst case of parking sonβs disease I have ever seen.
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︎ Dec 12 2019
βI feel like such a failure, doc. All my 5 boys want to be valets when they grow up.β
Doctor: WOW! Thatβs the worst case of parking sonβs disease Iβve ever seen.
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︎ Apr 30 2018
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