My Boy Puns

He said, “Wow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”

no matter what he's still arson

We named him Carson.

...Until my wife gives birth that is. Only three more months to go!

It's one part rum, three parts pum.

(A favorite of mine from Tim Seidell)

And I think it's poor for four.

It’s where I learned you can tie the knot in different ways

"I'm over here dad." He replied.

I told them, "You guys should take turns".

Me, to my two boys: "Hazel tried to escape, but I rescued her!...Or....should I say captured her?"

Boy 1: (pronunciation) "cap- CHURR!"

Boy 2: "Or... You CAT-tured her!"

Boy 1: "No, you CAT cat-ture Hazel!"

She liked my suggestion of calling the girl Denise, but had second thoughts when I suggested calling the boy Danephew.

“...my mother was never a young boy.”

I said "You Ken if you want to."

I said, “I know. I think that’s how soccer works.”

One happened to put the letter T into a toy stacking cup I was holding. I tried to give it to him but he didn't want it.

So I turned to my other son and said, "Hmm, guess it's not his cup of T".

Neither 3yo got it so I had to tell someone.

Not long after that, I became a fishmonger.

I'd always heard adults talk about it, but I finally knew what they were talking about.

I'll never forget the pain of my first kid knee stones...

"Me and my recliner go way back."

Sea son's greetings.

He claims it has a nice ring to it.

They're all booby-traps.

Go to the corner there always around 90°

I went to their first practice, and they spent the whole time tripping over each other while trying to dance.

I guess they weren't N-Sync.

I told him to check for nuts.

Because I was born in the 80's and that makes me an eightieist.

//I'm not making this up.

How did the light bulb cross the road?

With legs!!

The Hurt of two feetie.

I would have two sons that are my favorite

On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.

He became an extractor fan.

I looked down at him and said ‘Yes we arson’

He fixed it and said, “Beep repaired”

I followed him and came across two men fighting, so I asked him, "Which one's your dad?!"

He replied, "I don't know, that's what they're fighting about."

I told him I'd do it as soon as he hands me my dadglasses

I said, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all."

So the boy picks up the snake which bites him, and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror.

I continued, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."

I said, "Marilyn Monroe was never a boy."

Therapist: Tell me why

I'm really not ready to have a Sun. Any advice?

We're gonna call it a Friends-zone-giving.

Father: 'Really, what?'

Boy: 'That the potato should go in the front.'

The boy's nervousness builds, but he then asks, "Do you like potato pancakes?"

"No," comes the answer and the silence returns like a suffocating blanket.

"Do you have a brother?"

"No."

After giving it some thought, the boy plays his last card, "If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?"

Doc: Wow! That’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I have ever seen.

Doctor: WOW! That’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.