A list of puns related to "Must See Tv"
What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!
I heard a scary math joke, but Iâm 2^^2 to tell it!
Have you heard of that new movie, âConstipationâ? Well it doesnât matter, it never came out.
I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said âNo, doc, itâs dis knee.â
Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.
When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses donât cause reactions, after all.
Whatâs the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.
What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!
I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."
Why canât you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!
Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.
Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You donât wanna wake the sleeping pills.
What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!
What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!
Help, I canât stop reading books with female protagonists! Iâm a heroine addict!
How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!
When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!
19 and 20 got into a fight⌠21.
My friend told me, âPeople who sell meat are disgusting!â So I said, âYeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!â
How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!
What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond⌠ionic bond. âTaken, not shared.â What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)
How much does Santaâs sleigh cost? $0, itâs on the house.
If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.
I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.
Iâm going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, Iâm outstanding.
Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!
What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide Whatâs the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon
Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But thatâs just a blanket statem
... keep reading on reddit âĄDad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.
What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I donât think theyâll fit me.
Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but donât turn it on.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itâs a little fishy.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.
âEvery time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, âThe good news is..itâll feel better when it quits hurting.'â
Whatâs brown and sticky? A stick.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itâs tearable.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
âIâll call you later!â- âPlease donât do that. Iâve always asked you to call me Dad!â
Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!
What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.
This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.
âMy dad literally told me this one last week: âDid you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.ââ
âWhenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, âNo, just leave it in the carton!ââ
I got so angry the other day when I couldnât find my stress ball.
If I had a dime for every book Iâve ever read, Iâd say: âWow, thatâs coincidental.â
Iâm not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
How does a penguin build itâs house? Igloos it together.
âMe: âDad, make me a sandwich!â Dad: âPoof, Youâre a sandwich!ââ
âI heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there
A steak pun is a rare medium well done.
âHow can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? Theyâre all girls, otherwise theyâd be uncles.â
Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth â its pasteurized before you even see it
âWhatâs Forrest Gumpâs password? 1forrest1â
The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.
I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: âDonât worry; this is a piece of cake.â I said: âNo, itâs a math problem.â
I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.
I donât play soccer because I enjoy the sport. Iâm just doing it for kicks.
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
... keep reading on reddit âĄWhy did the scarecrow win a prize? Because he stood alone in his field! He stood there for years, rotting, until he was forgotten.
I tell my kids, youâre allowed to watch the TV all you want⌠Just donât turn it on! This way they will begin to understand the futility of all things.
How does a penguin build a house? Igloos it together. Like all animals, it is an automaton, driven by blind genetic imperative, marching slowly to oblivion.
Why donât skeletons go trick or treating? They have no body to go with them! The skeletons are like us: alone, empty, dead already.
I donât really like playing soccer. I just do it for kicks! Like all of humanity, I pretend to enjoy things, and others pretend to care about my charade.
You hear about the moon restaurant? Good food, no atmosphere! If you eat there, you forfeit your life, which would make no difference to the universe as a whole.
Why did the blonde focus on an orange juice container? It said concentrate! She realized that societyâs depictions of her were like the juice: formulaic, insipid, fake.
My wife told me to put the cat out. I didnât know it was on fire! By the time I could act, it was incinerated, a harbinger of the path we all must take.
How come the invisible man wasnât offered a job? They just couldnât see him doing it! This man stands for all of us: unseen, misunderstood, irrelevant.
Today I gave away my old batteries⌠Free of charge! No one wanted them, so I became angry and threw them in the yard. The battery acid now leaks into the soil, killing a colony of ants. A sparrow eats their bodies and is poisoned. Somewhere in the Serengeti, a lion devours his rivalâs cubs. Then the lion is shot by a poacher and sold to an unloved rich man whose father was an unloved rich man. In five billion years, the Sun will become a bloated giant, boiling the oceans and consuming our pointless cruelties with flames. I wake sweat-drenched and screaming, staring at the visage of a faceless god. âWHAT HAVE I DONE?! HOW COULD I BRING A CHILD INTO THIS WORLD!?â But this god, like all gods, is nothingâjust my sonâs Wilson baseball mitt, sitting on my dresser, mocking me.
Will February March? No, but April May! Soon we become ash, and time forgets us.
Source: https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/nihilist-dad-jokes
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