I love Christian music.

I listen to it religiously.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sam_Anderson_4848
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2022
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who pretends to love classical music?

A simp phony.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kwan_e
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2022
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Chemists love music...

They love dancing to EDN.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2022
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Did you know Alaskan sled dogs love metal music?

You’ll often see them in mush pits

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pookells
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2022
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What type of music do wind turbines love?

They’re huge metal fans!

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arakashi_moku
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2022
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The music streaming app on my phone said it could read my mind and guess my favorite Tina Turner song based on things I love.

I thought to myself "What's love got to do with it?"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Belscnickle
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2021
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Dad: Son, your love of Korean music is tearing this family apart.

Son: K. Pop

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2040009
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you know all woodpeckers love heavy metal music?

Because they’re all head bangers. (Credit to my 11 year old).

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IsaacPickle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A composer once fell in love with his music

They had an arranged marriage

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-CrestiaBell
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2016
🚨︎ report
so for Christmas I decided to hang a decoration that shows both my love for music and for our founding fathers

It’s a wreath of Franklin

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/metalsgt90
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Friend: I love country music

Me: o.O??? ... Which country?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTimeDictator
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do shoes love the blues and jazz music so much?

Because they both have a lot of soul.

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2076baseballbat
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2017
🚨︎ report
If music be the food of love...

Get Chopin

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ReadingRocker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2017
🚨︎ report
I like to draw lame jokes/puns an the old chalkboard in my kitchen. Thought you folks might appreciate it.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2022
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I have a friend who writes songs about sewing machines.

She’s a singer songwriter, or sew it seams

πŸ‘︎ 517
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NikonDexter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2022
🚨︎ report
I found a pretty killer recipe for Moroccan rolls

The recipe called for fresh thyme, but I only had old, dried out thyme, but I was lazy and didn't want to go to the store, so I made them anyway. They came out really good! Amazing!

I still sit around and think about those old thyme Moroccan rolls

πŸ‘︎ 234
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GamerExecChef
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2022
🚨︎ report
A list of over 350 Dad Jokes!

Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.

3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.

5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.

A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. β€œI’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. β€œSorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. β€œYou’re out of your head.”

A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'

A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.

A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. β€œWe don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. β€œWhy not?” one yogurt asks. β€œWe’re cultured.”

A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.

A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.

A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, β€œWhat are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, β€œIt’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”

A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, β€œWhat’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, β€œArrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, β€œI don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Armed robbersβ€”some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.

Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.

Can February March? No, but April May!

Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.

Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!

Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.

Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!

Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bugasum
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2022
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Need help naming my A/C unit - artist edition

Hey guys, i'm in need of your absolute best puns! I've finally installed my two a/c units today and i love naming my devices punny names in Google home.

One of the units is now called David Blowie, but i'm in need of a second name for unit #2.

So far we've came up with:

Air Air Cool J

Katy Airy

Airosmith

DJ Airfrojack

Airetha Franklin

Kurt Blowbrain

Airiana Grande

CoolCool Chanel

And the usual: AC / DC

But i just know there are some better ones out there we've not thought of yet, so i decided to ask for your amazing brains to help. Please show me your best! (or worst)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pyrrolidone
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2022
🚨︎ report
Do you know what car someone who loves rhythmical music should own ?

A Honda Beat.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigBeat25
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Musical GPS

I'm so tired of musical GPS systems

Fleetwood mac keep telling me to go my own way, Bonnie tyler keeps telling me to turn around, and diana ross keeps telling me to stop in the name of love.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Formal-Ad8037
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2022
🚨︎ report
A bar owner is looking for some new musical acts to spice up the ambiance of his establishment.

He goes online, trying to find some local up-and-coming bands. He finds a couple of okay options: some country, some rap, some metal… Nothing really sticks out as the next big thing to him though. He keeps at it for an entire weekend, struggling to find something he really likes.

He then stumbles upon this video of an old man, playing the acoustic guitar on his front porch: a beautiful rendition of β€˜β€™Stairway to Heaven’’. Gentle, touching, absolutely gorgeous. The bar owner can’t help but cry. He immediately knows this is the man he wants for his bar, and gets in contact with him.

The musician, over the phone, thank him over and over again for the amazing opportunity. He explains that he’s a retired judge who was pressured to go into law by his parents, over 50 years ago. In his heart, he’s always dreamed of being a musician and to perform in front of a real audience. This is the first time he’ll ever get to do it.

The bar owner is even more touched by his story, and decides to immediately sign him on for 10 night shows. The old judge is over the moon, this is everything he’s ever dreamed of! The two men leave the call, happy and content.

That night, the bar owner hypes all of the regulars, telling them about this amazing new act that they’ll get to see tomorrow. He tells them to bring some friends, bring some family, no one has ever heard music like that before. The patrons are excited and promise to bring everyone they know.

The night arrives, and the old judge gets on stage. The bar is absolutely packed, people give him a standing ovation before he’s even started. Beaming with joy and trying his best not to cry, he calms the audience down. β€˜β€™Thank you, thank you so much, everyone. Thank you to Jim, the owner, for believing in me. I know he loved my cover of β€˜Stairway to Heaven’, but tonight, I figured I’d do some original compositions. I hope you like them.’’ He sits down and starts playing.

He slams down on his guitar and lets out a piercing screech. Everyone in the room freezes

For the next half hour, without ever stopping, he plays dozens of discordant chords while yelling incoherent words like β€˜β€™pineapple sauce!’’ and β€˜β€™love and hate are second cousins!’’. He screams then whispers, playing notes that don’t make any sort of reasonable sense.

The audience is stunned. No one dares to say a word. The sweet old man seems so sincere in his rendition, yet it’s just… horrendous.

The owner has a million thoughts racing all at once. How could this h

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpadesFairy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2022
🚨︎ report
My new desk fan loves music.

Its a metal fan.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TDEvans21
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
🚨︎ report
did you hear about the Rockstar, apollo

Nasa really loves his music

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Movie_nerd_96
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2022
🚨︎ report
I loved to play music on my violin

That was before it baroque

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/s-ymon
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Greek person who loves classical music?

A Bach lova!

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Senior-Esponce
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
🚨︎ report
All you dad's are going to love my Pun musical

It's a play on words!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/garboooge
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
If Keith Urban loves country music so much ...

Why doesn't he change his name to Keith Rural?

(From "The Glass House" TV series compendium book.)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I love those musical Tesla coils

They're great at conducting electricity

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoftCriticTy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Pig, Horse, and Cow meet in college.

Pig plays the drums, Horse sings, and Cow plays the guitar. They’re all exceptionally talented, and form a band, supplementing other spots from around the city. They play local dives, some free shows in the park, and they begin to get some traction. Pig suggests they record an album, and they send demos all over. One label is willing to give them a shot, and they open for a B List name on their tour. During the tour, they amass millions of fans, and by the time they record their first major studio album, they have a following so big that 3 of their songs top the charts. They soon find themselves headlining their own tour, as well as every major music festival.

The three friends are over the moon with their success. Never in their wildest dreams did they believe they’d find themselves rubbing shoulders with music greats. It doesn’t come without its downsides, though. Pig has turned to coke and pills to help him get through the long nights. Horse loves the party side of his new life, and his band mates often hide bottles from him when they’re not dragging him, drunk, to his bed. Cow is sad. Watching his friends fall apart, he misses being home and when things were more simple. Keeping his friends in line and covering for them is taking a toll on his own health.

After a year and a half on the road, the band is in the studio attempting to record their second album. Horse is fast asleep, drooling on the mixing board, hungover from the night before. Pig hasn’t even shown up. Cow has a breakdown, and shakes Horse awake. β€œI’m done. I can’t do this anymore.” Horse waves him off, and falls back asleep. Cow packs up his guitar and buys a one-way ticket home.

A few days later, Pig is all over the news. He’s in jail for possession. Cow watches the news and shakes his head. He knew it was a sinking ship. Horse hears the news from their manager, who is also calling to tell him that he quit. He wakes up to the phone call, and texts Cow, pleading to have a conversation. Radio silence. Horse stumbles out of bed and heads for his favorite pub. He can’t believe that he’s down two friends, that the band has split up, and his life is in shambles. He sits at the bar. β€œI’ll have my usual,” he says. The bartender leans over to hand Horse a whiskey. β€œHey buddy, why the long face?”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itMetheBigT
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2022
🚨︎ report
When a person who loves classical music says hi to you

You say hello Bach

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolmower
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2018
🚨︎ report
A C major scale walks into a bar and orders a drink

The bartender said "No, you're a minor"

πŸ‘︎ 876
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kablaaw
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2021
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I had a friend who performed in a circus

His act had him using his body to transmit electricity to a lightbulb. He was really cool and all the people were amazed. But one day the lightbulb started to grow dimmer and dimmer before it eventually never lit up. As such he was removed from the circus.

A few months later he calls me to tell me his music passion paid off and he was hired to lead an orchestra! But at their first concert everyone got lost on the sheet music and the audience all went home with headaches. He was let go shortly after that as well.

Eventually he got this new job, but he called me a few days later as an absolute wreck, sobbing to the phone about how he was fired from that job as well, and he was so sad because it had him in a train and he loved trains.

I wasn't really sure how to go about telling him he was a bad conductor.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Piper_Brioche
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2022
🚨︎ report
Christmas decorations

A guy walks into a bar orders a beer and admires the Christmas decorations. "Are you decorating your house for Christmas?" the bartender asks him. "Yes, this year I decided to hang a decoration that shows both my love for music and for our Founding Fathers," the guy replies. "It's a wreath of Franklin."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Firegoat1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Music to my ears

An up-and-coming musician was involved in a terrible accident. He lost both of his arms, which caused him great anguish as his hopes of playing in a jazz band were crushed.

However, his love of music kept him looking for solutions until he found a man who made custom instruments. The musician explained his problem and was overjoyed when the instrument maker came back with something that did not require the use of fingers:

It was an all-toe sax.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DantesDame
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2022
🚨︎ report
There was a man who wanted his funeral to be perfect...

... so he insisted his friends attend practice over and over again to get all the details right, from the music to the speeches to the lowering of the coffin at the end.

He just loved rehearsing.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ehldas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2022
🚨︎ report
There was a knight whose job it was to guard other knights while they sleep

But as anyone that has worked the night shift knows it can be a long and boring affair. No great threats to defend against. So this knight decided to improve himself, night after night he would bring books to read while he stood guard. Learning languages, math, philosophy. The smarter he gets the more he realizes that he will likely leave the world and be forgotten. In his depression he turns to music, learning instrument after instrument, style after style. Using his knowledge of math to create beautiful patterns and moving songs. He learns that it is they rhythm more than anything that draws people to a song and sets his nights to finding the rhythm that will be universally loved. Now, hundreds of years after his death, people the world over still remember Sir Cadian's Rhythm.

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirDianthus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
🚨︎ report
After hearing me sing for the first time, my music teacher told me I should be tenor.

Tenor twelve feet away from her and all musical instruments at all times.

πŸ‘︎ 388
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
🚨︎ report
There’s a science to this..
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scartol
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the favorite cheer for Maine's best rowing team, the Vegetarians?

Lettuce romaine!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnabbe
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2017
🚨︎ report
Doctor: Your brain seems to have deleted all information about 80s music!

Me: Yikes! What is The Cure?

Doctor: Oh my God. It is worse than I thought!

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2018
🚨︎ report
What kind of music do balloons hate?

Pop

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/athei-nerd
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2022
🚨︎ report
My pet chicken loves classical music. He always asks by name for his favorite

Bach.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AbortedMunk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend writes songs about sewing machines.

He's a Singer songwriter. Or sew it seams.

πŸ‘︎ 170
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreatGreenGobbo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Introducing Old Music to Young Kids

My husband and I were playing classic rock on YouTube one day, trying to introduce our boys to music we loved growing up. A song by The Doors comes on and my husband says "I love The Doors!" To which our 11yo replies, "Yeah, especially the sliding glass ones."

We almost didn't catch it. He brings it up about once a month now.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lady_Teio
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2021
🚨︎ report

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