I visited the National Braille Museum today
Hispanic Magic Act
A Hispanic magician tells his audience he will vanish on the count of 3. “Uno… Dos…” poof he’s gone.
He disappeared without a trés
Did you hear about the omelet museum?
It’s not all it’s cracked up to be
My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo
So I had to put my foot down
How does the Norse god of mischief act in his off time?
I have to go to work at the museum this evening, moving suits of armour around.
What is something that looks and acts like a vacuum cleaner?
What kind of wood that can sing,dance and act
What do a long-drawn-out comedy act and a bunch of thirsty partygoers have in common?
A long wait for the punch line.
Before becoming famous as an escape artist, Harry Houdini focused more on disappearing acts.
He performed this using a complex set of trap doors.
But it was just a stage he was going through.
What did the shirt say when the man was acting suspicious.
I’ve decided to open a museum dedicated to bracelets that happen to be magnetic.
Hopefully it will be a big two-wrist attraction.
I'm usually easygoing, but when my wife asked me to stop acting like a flamingo-
I had to put my foot down.
Have you heard about the street performer who does his act in the middle of a storm?
I took my Chesney Hawkes tribute act over to Mexico after I heard no one else was doing it there
At the museum they're beginning to disassemble the mummies exhibit.
I guess that's a wrap then.
The act of christening a ship by breaking a bottle of champagne against it should be called 'Shiptoasting'.
Why did the art thief’s van run out of gas as he drove away from the museum?
Because he had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh
A Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German went downtown to see a juggling act...
The performer saw the men arrive and that the crowd was large so he stood on his cart and yelled "can you see me now!?" to which the men replied Oui! Si! Ja!
What did 2 tell 3 when they saw 6 act like an idiot?
Don’t mind him. He’s just a product of their times.
My neighbour got bit by a female deer and starts acting like one on a full moon...
How do you act big pimpin' at a pool party?
What's a geologists favorite museum?
My friend said, “You have a BA, Masters and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot.”
It was a third degree burn.
What multi-talented dinosaur can act and rap?
What do you call the act of rummaging around in a purse by a warthog that is good at talking to women?
Why was the farmer given an award for acting as a living scarecrow?
Because he was simply outstanding in his field.
What do you call the act of an Italian having sex with pasta?
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
Dad: “... and if I’m being frank you are acting terrible about it”
Child: “ if you are being frank who is being dad?”
Actual conversation I heard in the store
I won’t act like I’m not impressed
My teenage daughter is really acting odd...
My wife said, "You act like a detective too much, I want to split up."
"Good idea!" I replied. "We can cover more ground that way!"
Saw an Adam & The Ants tribute act
I said “you’re not Adam Ant!”, he said “yeah i am.” we argued all night, but he really was adamant.
Is there anyone who would act in a movie based on J.R.R Tolkien's The Silmarillion?
I went to the museum and saw a painting of a criminal, who claimed his innocence and insisted the police planted evidence.
I hate it when people act all intellectual and talk about Mozart..
...while they've never seen one of his paintings.
People act like the North and South poles are exactly the same
...but really, there’s a whole world of differences between them.
My Russian wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo.
So I'm Putin my foot down.
My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo
so I had to put my foot down
My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo.
So I had to put my foot down.
My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo.
So I had to put my foot down.
What did 2 tell 3 when he saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Don’t mind him. He is just a product of our times.
What did 2 say to 3 when they saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Don’t mind him. He is just a product of our times.
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