'My wife is on a plane to Illinois.'
'Chicago?'
'Nah, she passenger.'
I built a model of Mt.Everest and my son asked, "Is it to scale?" I replied "No."
I found pictures of Mt. Rushmore before it was carved
Its natural beauty was unpresidented
Mt oldest is getting to be pretty good at using my own jokes against me when I'm not expecting.
Kid: Hey dad, look at that! (Points with his finger to something off in the distance.)
Me: (Looking in direction he's pointing) What? Where? I don't see anything.
Kid: (Still pointing) Right there, look, you see it?
Me: (Still looking, getting annoyed that I don't see it) WHAT? What is it??
Kid: (Holding up the same finger) It's my finger!
I have been doing this to him recently and it always gets him. I love that he's able to totally get me with it now.
Edit: MY oldest, not Mt oldest. Not sure what the oldest mountain is, but it probably isn't as funny as my oldest kid is becoming.
I heard they opened a new restaurant near the top of Mt. Everest
Careful though, the steaks are high
"Son, do you think we should find an expert to guide us in our trek up Mt. Everest?"
In Illinois, it's illegal to have legal possesion over fecal matter of any sort.
Can't have shit in Detroit.
I was driving from Illinois to Oklahoma but I got lost.
I've been in a state of Missouri ever since.
What did Zeus say when he saw everyone getting drunk and acting foolish on Mt. Olympus?
Did you hear about the Mt. Everest expedition that got snowed in?
They said their nights were intents....
My dad refused to accept that he was not hiking in a mountain called Mt. McKinley
My life peaked when I finally climbed Mt. Everest
But it's all been downhill from there.
Wanna hear a story of how my Himalayan friend and I climbed Mt Everest?
Which rock group has four members and doesn't sing?
My son asked me what it's like to climb Mt. Everest
Have you ever seen a picture if Mt. Rushmore before the faces?
It was unpresidented beauty.
I saw a picture of Mt. Rushmore before the presidents' faces were carved into it
Its natural beauty was unpresidented
So the travel agency said I could climb Mt. Everest and it would only cost $100,000.
I said no thanks, that's a bit too steep.
Did you know that an eye makes Massachusetts Institute of Technology popular?
If they didn't have it, their campus would be MT.
When they run out of ingredients at the Mt. Dew factory they have to make Dew with what they've got.
I dunno man, Mt. Rushmores kinda gay
I mean 4 guys, rock hard, and no one said no homo
If people were mountains, I'd be Mt. Cleverest.
I hear people from Illinois get mad when you pronounce the S,
It really ill-annoys them.
In 1939, an unusual farm animal named Gertrude became the first cow to climb to the peak of Mt. Everest carrying gear for the climbers, setting a world record that still stands unbroken.
Since then, the steaks have never been higher.
Texan came to visit my farm in Southern Illinois and asked me how many acres I had.
I said "about 500".
Texan said: "I can get in my truck and drive all day and never get off my property!"
I said:"yeah, I had a truck like that."
I always wondered what was on top of Mt. Everest
I guess it always peak-ed my curiosity.
Whats similar in Everest and my wallet?
Good News for Illinois Coffers
They say Montana is fairly populated, but it’s actually MT.
(Revising my previous joke)
I imagine eventually there will be a day when we have a WiFi hotspot on Mt. Everest.
Only then will we reach peak internet.
Petition to lock this sub once a week
Because there's no post on Sunday
While visiting George Washington's estate, Mount Vernon...
My Dad went inside the old outhouse and said "It says here, for a good time call Martha!" at which point he stepped outside the door, put his hands up to his mouth and called "MAAARTHAAA!!!"
To me at age 10, this was the funniest thing he ever said.
Hey dad I'm still missing an Illinois quarter.
"I'll just remember Sick-o-Sound."
'What?'
"You know Ill-of-noise, sick of sound"
"..."
Long, stupid Dad joke
The ancient Greeks greatly feared volcanic explosions from Mt. Olympus, so they developed a tradition of sacrificing young maidens to the Gods on the mountain. Every year they selected five girls, and sacrificed four. Then they assigned the other one to stomp the olive harvest. That’s where we get Extra Virgin Olive Oil.
Did you hear about the guy who tried to ride a bike on the summit of Mt Everest?
It started out well but then things went downhill pretty fast.
If you are sad and angry, what American state are you from?
Illinois.
Edit: I meant sick, not sad. Whoops
90% of the pumpkins in the USA are raised within a ninety mile radius of Peoria, Illinois. That's gourd to know.
Did you hear about the man who survived the fall from Mt Everest?
Yeah, he just couldn't stick the landing.
Mt. Horeb
Stopped at a red light on Mt. Horeb Road. It's on a bit of an incline.
Dad: Mt. Horeb Road? Must be Horeb-le when it snows.
Dang it, Mt Rushmore was so beautiful before it was carved out...
Its natural beauty was honestly unpresidented
While driving from Oklahoma to Illinois, I got lost on the way.
I've been in a state of Missouri ever since.
The natural beauty of Mt Rushmore, before it was carved,
Did you get to see Mt Rushmore before it was carved?
Its beauty was unpresidented
I saw a picture of Mt. Rushmore before it was carved...
What was the view of Mt. Rushmore like before it was carved
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