My girlfriend asked if we could have an old movie night and watch β€œGaslight”

I told her β€œwe already watched that together, don’t you remember?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
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I have 17 guys coming to my movie night, looking for one more

It says it's M 18+

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deadly_R
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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My wife and I are having movie nights at home now, and making our own popcorn and drinks.

It's not easy, but these days we all have to make concessions.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/edrinshrike
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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I watched a movie about graphs last night, but I was slightly disappointed.

The plot was predictable, and the special f(x) was terrible.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
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I am staying at a hotel and watched a great movie last night with lots of cowboys, gunfights, and drinking.

It was the Best Western I’ve ever seen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2020
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We decided to have a Stallone Movie night.

They got mad because of the Cliff Hanger ending.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommyWiseaus_butt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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Movie night

Me and the family are staying off the streets these days. Going to stay in and watch a Tentin Quarantino marathon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/urlordcov
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
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Saw a great movie last night about databases.

Can't wait for the SQL.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xRubyyRed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
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Last night I went out and watched a movie about cheese.

It was G-rated.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
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Brainstorming food/movie theme nights. It es-kale-lated quickly. Only thing in my Bumble profile now.

When Harry Met Salad

What About Ke-Bob

Cumin to America

Weekend at Bearneaise II

Steakin I, II, & III

A Few Good Salmon

You’ve Got Kale

Shawshank Re-Dim Sum

Romancing the Scone

An Γ‰clair to Remember

Roman Hollandaise

Glazed and Confused

Bill & Ted’s Eggcellent Adventure

The Evil Bread

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang Shrimp

Fondue the Right Thing

Ribeyes Wide Shut

Mignons

Plante of the Grapes

Spider Manchu

Sushis All That

A Wok to Remember

Marsala-la Land

Apocalypse Cow

Die Chard

Die Chard with a Vinaigrette

Hogan’s Gyros

The Sand Latkes

A League of their Macaroni

Revenge of the Curds

Rush S’More

Braising Arizona

Demolition Ham

10 Things I hate About Ewe

Saladin

Oliver and Com-penne

Dirty Rotten Chanterelles

Sex and the Satay

The Truth About Cats & Hotdogs

Morella Enchanted

Provolone Together

Clear and Pheasant Danger

The Big Chili

LΓ©mon: The Professional

Ava-Tartare

Hocous Pocous

High Fi-Deli Meat

Madagascargot

The Fifth Elementos

Muensters Inc.

There’s Something About Rosemary

I Am Ham

Quiche Lorraine Man

Barley & Me

Lentil Giants

Peggy SoufflΓ© Got Married

Face Stroganoff

Con GruyΓ©re

Fast Times at Porridgemont High

Bok Choys in the Hood

Papillonion

Requinoa for a Dream

Serial Cardamom

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kat_fogg
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
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On a movie night, Her: Ugh, are we really going to watch Batman Forever?

Me: No, only for the next 2 hours.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2018
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Last night I forgot a Disney movie outside.

It was Frozen

r/papgrappen

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Geoffreyzzz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2016
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Dad joked on family movie night

this was years ago, I had forgotten until it came up in conversation today. when Finding Nemo came out on DVD most of us hadn't seen it, and my oldest sister was home from her first year in college. my mom gets all excited to have a Disney movie night for old time's sake and makes a big deal about it.

so we all get settled with popcorn and all, and the movie begins. if you haven't seen it, the first scene is a bit tragic... to refresh people's memory, a barracuda attacks the soon-to-be parents and eats the mom and unhatched eggs. this is probably less than 5 minutes into the movie.

it's dead quiet in the house as Marlin swims around yelling for his mate and looking in the now empty spot where their eggs were hidden. He sees the lone surviving egg on the ocean floor and swims to it. honoring his deceased mate's wishes, he names his only child "Nemo"

instantly my dad stands up, turns off the TV and says "Ha! I found him! that was fun." and walks away.

tl;dr: my dad beat the whole family in a game of "Finding Nemo"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cjswitz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2014
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Watched Wreck-It Ralph last night. I think it should be this sub's official movie youtu.be/cGAPM2Vo4Yw?t=5s
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πŸ‘€︎ u/greenclayrooster
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2013
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I was working the ticket drop at the movie theater last night...

Dad spends 35 dollars on tickets for him and his family to see Divergent.

As the group approaches the ticket drop, I hear the dad ask the mom what half of 35 is. She says "17 and half" and the dad gets this big shit eating grin. I rip their ticket stubs and the dad puts on a serious face and says "All right, I'd like $17.50 back please."

The whole family proceeds to groan and tell him to stop as I reluctantly play along and pretend to find some cash.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gurame21
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2014
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My wife and I watched 3 movies back to back last night.

Luckily I was the one facing the screen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deedubya8
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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A lot of people can't understand why Daniel Day Lewis's twin brother Daniel Night Lewis didn't make it in the movies.

That's because the difference between them is night and day.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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In horror movies, why do clowns like to attack at night?

They think it’s dark humour

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wishfulpeacherino
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
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My SO and I were at the movies last night...

And I bought her M&Ms for a snack. The movie is letting out and we are sitting there talking.

Her - "ugh the M&Ms are melted."

I begin to tell her M&Ms history about how they were made so soldiers could have chocolate without the worry of them melting.

Her -" but the shells are sweaty"

" yeah how else do you think they stay cool?"

She literally just got up and left while I was sitting there laughing my ass off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sheepdog136
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2016
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GF Got Me At The Movies Last Night

Me (making fun of Indiana): Do you want some of my corn?

Her: Isn't it Pop's corn?

Guy behind us: Really? tries to hold laughter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whythisname
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2014
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Groundhog Day

Not completely sure this is a dadjoke but it sure got the same reaction. This happened about two years ago.

My wife used to work nights and on Friday and Saturday after she went to work, my then-12yo son and I would often watch a movie together. Sometimes he picked, usually it was a movie from The List, movies I liked when I was his age, things that shaped my sense of humor. I want him to be able to recognize the stupid quotes and references I throw at him. It’s his cultural education.

So we settled in for Groundhog Day. I’m a sucker for time travel shenanigans. Finished it up, he enjoyed it, and the next morning he was off to Boy Scout camp for a week.

He came back, we’re all excited to see him, and I tell him I got Groundhog Day 2 from Netflix. Threw it in the DVD player and we got about 20 minutes into before he looked at me and said β€œthis is just Groundhog Day all over again, isn’t it? There is no Groundhog Day 2.”

So worth an extra week hanging onto the disc.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shellexyz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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I dare you to read this

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, β€œConstipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said β€œNo, doc, it’s dis knee.”

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.

What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.

My friend told me, β€œPeople who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, β€œYeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. β€œTaken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kinjago
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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Two Tens for a Five

A classic Β Abbott and CostelloΒ routine, from their first movie, Β One Night in the Tropics, where Β Bud AbbottΒ shows that he’s not above running a quick scam on his friend, Β Lou Costello, in order to make a few dollars.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfraymond
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
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Bacon Puns

Why didn’t the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!


Whats green and smells like bacon? Β Kermit the Frog’s finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?


Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.


Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Β Kevin Bacon


If you can’t get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries


Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? A1: Frankenswine A2: Hamlet Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.


Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.


What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.


Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon. What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.


What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.


How do they get up there? In pigup trucks. What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.


What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.


What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you’re bacon my heart melt.


What are they warned to watch out for? Pigpockets.


First Carter Page and now Betsy DeVos. Trump’s cabinet is like a game of six degrees of Kevin Bacon except with Russia.


Everything must be wrapped in bacon, including bacon.


If Kevin Bacon doesn’t whisper β€œHere comes the Baconator” before he has sex all my faith in humanity is lost


I’ll acknowledge Canada Day when they finally acknowledge that’s not bacon


If Donald Trump really KNOWS the average WORKER then where are the pics of Trump hungover in 7-Eleven buying bacon in sweat pants?


This guy ordered a vegetarian sandwich and then added bacon. It was like watching someone have a mid-life crisis and then find a cool hobby.


If we don’t build a wall on our northern border, they’ll soon be maple syrup & Canadian bacon trucks on every corner.


I signed an Executive Order to make Saturday morning bacon and eggs and pancakes with triple butter and syrup non-fattening.


My bedroom smells like maple, bacon and beaver…because I’m Canadian.


When the waitress calls you Babycakes you know you’re getting extr

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2017
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Does this count as a joke?

My dad and I were sitting, watching TV the other night when I scrolled past something about the Titanic movie on my phone. I asked him what he would’ve taken from the Titanic if he were on it and had the chance to escape. Without looking up from his magazine, he just flipped a page and replied with β€œthe iceberg.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theashtonjay
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2018
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Dad-joked by a toilet

For all of my life, my brain has played a soundtrack. At all times, in all places, I hear music going through my head, from the moment I awaken in the morning until I go to sleep at night. I can only shut it off by listening to other music, watching a movie, etc. but it soon starts up again once the outside source of stimulus is removed.

Yesterday I was travelling. When I visited the restroom prior to boarding my flight, the the music in my head suddenly switched tracks from "I've Been Everywhere Man" (that got really old after the first hour. Oy!) to "Africa" by Toto. "That's odd", I thought to myself, "the music in my head usually doesn't switch tracks unless something has changed around me." I finished my business, cleaned up, stood up, and turned around to flush.

Then I saw it. There, emblazoned on the porcelain, was the word "TOTO". The manufacturer of the toilet. "Nice job, brain, funny, hah-hah," I thought to myself.

The song in my head came to an abrupt halt. Silence, for just one moment. Blessed silence. Rare for me. Then I realized. My brain was giving me time to digest the previous joke. Waiting for me to think I'd arrived at the punch line. Pausing for a beat before it delivered the next one. "Africa" started over again, telling me exactly why the DJ deciding songs in my head had picked this exact moment, this exquisite situation, this exact set of circumstances to deliver the internal Dad Joke of the year:

"Doodoo doo-doo doodoo do dooooooooo...."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/txgsync
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2016
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Reminded of when my dad saw The Mist

A while back my parents had a night out and they'd mentioned they would probably go to a movie, so when they got home I asked them which one they saw:

Mom: That Stephen King one, The Mist, I think.

Me: I wanted to see that sometime, how was it?

Dad: It was entertaining, but to be honest I thought it might have been a little over cast.

-Cue boisterous laughter and counter top slapping-

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaconGristle
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2013
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2nd date with a beautiful woman

We were at her place and watched a movie - I know, really romantic, right? She had a kitten who was climbing all over me, sitting in my lap, shedding all over me, pretty much the whole night.

At the end of the date before I turned to leave, I said "You know, I was hoping I'd get a little pussy tonight!"

Little did I know that dad joke was the start - she's now my wife and mother to two wonderful children.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chargrill
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2015
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The best date ever?

I'm a female and my dad asked what I was doing this past Saturday night.

Me: "I'm going to see that movie Lone Survivor with Mark Wahlberg!" Dad: "Wow! You got a date with Marky Mark? I'm impressed!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ClearlyClarified
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2014
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So I'm texting this girl that I've been seeing

Currently watching the movie Straight Outta Compton while texting this girl that I have a date with tomorrow night.

She mentioned that she is drinking a glass of wine but put a bunch of ice in it. Six big cubes.

I responded with "wow 6 ice cubes? This movie that I'm watching only has one ice cube in it"

She laughed. Looks like our future's set.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrDeez444
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2016
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I think this was an unintentional dad joke

So me and the girlfriend had date night tonight and at one point prior to the movie she talked about how everything is changing and I should know she is afraid of change. Shortly after the movie as we pull out of the theatre I reach into the handle of the car door and grab a couple coins and toss them at her while she's posting how great the movie was. She gets startled and does a Eep I immediately just go hmm... I guess you are afraid of change and she just sighs in aggravation

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2016
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Got dadjoked by my grandpa

This Father's Day, I took my dad out to a movie, just the two of us. We saw Godzilla (which was quite good!). Later that night, we all had dinner with my grandparents and aunt's family. I was telling my grandpa about the movie. I said something like "It was good! But it was intense."

"Well that doesn't make sense," he said. "Why wouldn't they have it in the movie theather?"

I looked at him confusedly, and then he grinned, and said "Well, it would make more sense to have it in the theater, rather than in tents."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/killerclarinet
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2014
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Got my friend with a good one.

So last night I was at the movies with a few friends, seeing the Jungle Book. At one point during the movie, my friend Faith got up to get a refill on her popcorn and drink. When she got back, she complained to me that she tripped on the stairs and spilled her popcorn that she just had refilled. I looked her in the eye and said, "I guess you could say you Faith-planted".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FLIGHTxWookie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2016
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Got my friend while watching Mulan

Was watching Disney's Mulan last night with some friends. It was toward the beginning of the movie, right when Mushu (the dragon voiced by Eddie Murphy) is introduced. At this point, I cleverly quipped, "Looks like Mulan is about to get her drag on."
Groans aplenty.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2015
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Every time my dad tells this it gets just a little more elaborate. But this is how I remember it.

Paul has a shitty life, his wife constantly berates him, his job sucks, his boss is a bully, his car is a shitty 85 ford pinto with a cracked windshield and is in bad need of a new transmission and to top it all off he's chubby, balding, and he has a small penis.

The only thing good in Paul's life is his friend Artie. Artie isn't the brightest bulb in the world, but he's always been there for Paul in the tough times. On October 5, 1953 Artie stood up for Paul against his bully in 7th grade. Artie got his ass handed to him at that time, but so did Paul. That incident resulted in a life long friendship. Paul and Artie went to the same High School together. They traveled around Europe that one summer in college. Artie was Paul's best man at his wedding. Everyone thought speech Artie gave was terrible, But Paul loved it Artie was his best friend.

Artie's life wasn't much better either, he never had the smarts for that great Job. In fact he was stuck in a dead end job as a construction labourer. Artie's car was pretty shitty too. Artie never married, but he was happy in the knowledge that at least he didn't end up with Paul's shitty wife.

For Paul's 46th birthday Artie was pretty broke, so all he could get his friend was a single lottery ticket. Artie being the sentimental guy that he was picked the date of the start of their friendship, and their respective ages (46, 45). Paul loved the present, and thought that the two of them should go to the Legion that friday to split a round of beers and listen to them call out the numbers.

On Friday they are both sitting there at the Legion having a laugh over a couple of beers when the cute lottery girl comes on the t.v. to read out the numbers. Paul pulls out the ticket and spreads it out on the beer stained table in front of them. The lottery girl starts reading out the numbers, 45, 10, 05. Both of Paul and Artie's hearts start beating, thats 200$ already. 53, Holy crap thats like a 10, 000 ticket. They both start losing their shit. 46....... Paul feints. He just won the jackpot. 37million dollars.

Two minutes later Artie finally revives Paul. Paul and Artie celebrate the night away, buy round after round for the people at the Legion and get absolutely shittered. They close out the bar and as the ugly lights come on they stumble blitzed, singing, onto the street arm in arm with the winning lottery ticket in hand and start the long walk back to Paul's place.

Halfway home, Paul comes to two drunken

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clearwind
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2014
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I dadjoked my GF at 50 Shades of Grey.

We were both in a giddy mood because of how bad the movie was. It was more comical than anything else. This was the highlight of the night.

Christian Grey: "What are you doing for breakfast tomorrow." I lean over and whisper to my gf: "Eating breakfast" smh!

Hated the movie, but felt super proud of myself!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dahiya1991
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2015
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"I'm tired"

After a long night of packing for the beach and watching movies, my family had to get up extremely early to start driving to the beach. About 3 hours into the drive, we pull over at a Hardee's so my family could use the restroom. Upon getting back into the car and being the extremely tired person he is, my father proceeds to point across the street to a very large pile of tires in a gas station parking lot and says "Wow, I'm tired." He smiled; we groaned. It was agonizing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSilentGhost
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2014
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Nighttime Dadjoke

After a family movie night, we are all heading off to bed.

Dad: When you guys go to bed, be sure to make leave this room as happy as it can be!

Me: Huh?

Dad: De-lighted

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Invisible_Walrus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2014
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Last night my wife and I watched three movies back to back

Luckily I was the one facing the TV

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinnber
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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Last night me and my wife watched three movies back to back.

Luckily I was the one facing the TV.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yazinak
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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Last night my wife and I watched three movies back to back

Luckily I was the one facing the TV.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/edotri
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2020
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Last night your mom and I watched three movies back to back.

Luckily I was the one facing the TV.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JustMy2Coppers
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
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Last night, me and my friend watched all the Harry Potter movies back to back

Luckily I was the one facing the TV

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aurikidink
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
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Your mom and I watched 6 movies last night back to back

Luckily I was the one facing the TV

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lee_Hey_pat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2018
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Last night your mother and I watched two movies back to back...

Luckily I was the one facing the TV.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aceoftrachs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2016
🚨︎ report

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