If Mary is the mother of Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of God
Does that mean that Mary had a little lamb?
Dad joke but.. I'm a mother..
What Job did Beethoven get after he died?
He decomposed.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
What did the Indian kid say to his mother before he left the house?
My mother told me she was abandoning the family to go across the world and study yoga. I had only one thing to say to her:
You want to know where dads store all the dad jokes?
They store it in dad-a-base.
A man called 911 after his 76 year old mother wandered out of the family home during the night. When asked what she had been wearing and if she had any personally identifying features about her, he advised she was barefoot, half naked and had a visible scar from her hysterectomy.
The dispatcher replied, “So... no shirt, no shoes, no cervix?”
My kids came out of school and told my partner they have made cards for her for Mother's Day. I asked for a card, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,
My wife texted, "I can't stand my mother."
So I replied, "Try laying her down."
My therapist just told me I have extreme difficulty in picking up social cues.
I think she is in love with me.
I told my mother-in-law there's a leek in her sink.
Why is it so hard to understand mothers who use overly bright decorations?
when I was a child we were so poor that my mother made us clothes out of the scraps my dad would bring home from work at the sandpaper factory
What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
Me: “Oh, I wish I’d listened to my mother” Friend: “Why? What’d she tell you?”
Me: “I don’t know, I wasn’t listening”
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives
I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.
When I was a kid, I was so ugly, my mother took me everywhere....
....just so, she wouldn't have to kiss me goodbye.
Mother in law came for dinner and asked, "Why does your dog keep staring at me?"
"Because you're using his plate."
When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my mother’s in the other. I finally asked him why...
And he said, “Because your mother is always right.”
What did the mother airplane say to the child airplane when the child was acting high and mighty?
"I've had it with your altitude"
I have a constant urge to eat my mother’s pot brownies...
I think I’ve developed an edible complex.
What do you call the wife of an elephant’s mother’s brother?
Which spice will get a mother busted for trying to buy booze underage?
Repetition is the Mother of learning.
So who's the father?
Daddycation.
My mother is much smaller than me. I'm not sure how tall she is...
...But I know she's the minimum height.
Dear Mother in law...Don't teach me how to bring up my children...
I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
What do you call the Mini-Me of your mother?
How I Met Your Mother was just
I was really moved when I realized my mother let me win at cards.
It meant a great deal to me.
I apologise if this isn't allowed.
New to this subreddit. I know the point of this thing is to share funny jokes, but since I'm a newbie I hope you'll allow me this one opportunity to make a serious but friendly PSA: If you're lucky enough to have a father, don't take him for granted. Even when they scold or punish you, trust their judgement, it's likely for good reason even if you can't see it at the time. When I was a child I narrowly avoided a horrific accident in which 4 of my friends were electrocuted at a playground we used to play on every day after school. I used to hate my old man for being so strict and disciplining me when all of my friends got to run wild, but if it weren't for him I definitely would have been electrocuted too that day. But I wasn't. I was grounded.
Your mother is iron man. How do I know?
What did the mother melon say to her daughter when she wanted to run away to get married?
I took out my mother in law yesterday
Being a sniper is so much fun
How do one-armed mothers raise their kids?
A man is found dead in the desert. Cause of death appeared to be dehydration. The police go to his mother's house.
What's another word in a thesaurus for 'mother' ?
Can't say. Mum's the word.
What did the Indian say to his mother after leaving Bombay?
My mother's zodiac was Cancer, which is ironic
because she died from a giant crab.
What do you call a father or a mother who's kid looks a lot like them ?
The cannibal said to his mother, "I don't like my vegetables."
Mother says, "well, just eat your wife."
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
Repetition is the Mother of learning.
So who's the father?
Daddycation.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
Dear Mother in law,
Don't teach me how to bring up my children. I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
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