If Mary is the mother of Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of God

Does that mean that Mary had a little lamb?

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Tigger
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
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Dad joke but.. I'm a mother..

What Job did Beethoven get after he died?

He decomposed.

πŸ‘︎ 292
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adolfin4ever
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
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When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.

Turns out, identity theft is a crime.

πŸ‘︎ 113
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Farshief
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
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What did the Indian kid say to his mother before he left the house?

Mumbai.

πŸ‘︎ 232
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iOSSwiftDeveloper
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
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My mother told me she was abandoning the family to go across the world and study yoga. I had only one thing to say to her:

Namaste.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StringTraveler
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
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You want to know where dads store all the dad jokes?

They store it in dad-a-base.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chihiro_yoru
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
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A man called 911 after his 76 year old mother wandered out of the family home during the night. When asked what she had been wearing and if she had any personally identifying features about her, he advised she was barefoot, half naked and had a visible scar from her hysterectomy.

The dispatcher replied, β€œSo... no shirt, no shoes, no cervix?”

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
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My kids came out of school and told my partner they have made cards for her for Mother's Day. I asked for a card, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,

on Sonday.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skilldan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
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My wife texted, "I can't stand my mother."

So I replied, "Try laying her down."

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PuffPuffPassHomie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
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My therapist just told me I have extreme difficulty in picking up social cues.

I think she is in love with me.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
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I told my mother-in-law there's a leek in her sink.
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NationYell
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
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Why is it so hard to understand mothers who use overly bright decorations?

Too much MUMbling

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
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when I was a child we were so poor that my mother made us clothes out of the scraps my dad would bring home from work at the sandpaper factory

It was rough.

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kinkybenny
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

Go to sweep, dear.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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Me: β€œOh, I wish I’d listened to my mother” Friend: β€œWhy? What’d she tell you?”

Me: β€œI don’t know, I wasn’t listening”

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
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My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives

I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
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When I was a kid, I was so ugly, my mother took me everywhere....

....just so, she wouldn't have to kiss me goodbye.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
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Mother in law came for dinner and asked, "Why does your dog keep staring at me?"

"Because you're using his plate."

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
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When my parents would go to the bar, my dad would always carry his drink to the table in his left hand and my mother’s in the other. I finally asked him why...

And he said, β€œBecause your mother is always right.”

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uncle_Bug_Music
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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What did the mother airplane say to the child airplane when the child was acting high and mighty?

"I've had it with your altitude"

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/levivilla4
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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I have a constant urge to eat my mother’s pot brownies...

I think I’ve developed an edible complex.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaChuteQuiMarche
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
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What do you call the wife of an elephant’s mother’s brother?

Eleph-aunt

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ok_Ostrich2974
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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Which spice will get a mother busted for trying to buy booze underage?

Cardamom.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaenHoffiCoffi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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Repetition is the Mother of learning.

So who's the father?

Daddycation.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skraatatta
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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My mother is much smaller than me. I'm not sure how tall she is...

...But I know she's the minimum height.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lohin123
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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Dear Mother in law...Don't teach me how to bring up my children...

I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

Supplies!

πŸ‘︎ 798
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.

She didn’t razor right.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call the Mini-Me of your mother?

Minimum

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Albus_Veritas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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How I Met Your Mother was just

one long Ted Talk

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ghostwriter623
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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I was really moved when I realized my mother let me win at cards.

It meant a great deal to me.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Taco_Pie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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I apologise if this isn't allowed.

New to this subreddit. I know the point of this thing is to share funny jokes, but since I'm a newbie I hope you'll allow me this one opportunity to make a serious but friendly PSA: If you're lucky enough to have a father, don't take him for granted. Even when they scold or punish you, trust their judgement, it's likely for good reason even if you can't see it at the time. When I was a child I narrowly avoided a horrific accident in which 4 of my friends were electrocuted at a playground we used to play on every day after school. I used to hate my old man for being so strict and disciplining me when all of my friends got to run wild, but if it weren't for him I definitely would have been electrocuted too that day. But I wasn't. I was grounded.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoThruTrucks
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Your mother is iron man. How do I know?

She's a Fe male

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moosetwin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the mother melon say to her daughter when she wanted to run away to get married?

You cantaloupe!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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I took out my mother in law yesterday

Being a sniper is so much fun

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cameforthevibe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
How do one-armed mothers raise their kids?

Single-handedly.

πŸ‘︎ 132
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Swistiannt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
A man is found dead in the desert. Cause of death appeared to be dehydration. The police go to his mother's house.

"Ma'am you son dried "

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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What's another word in a thesaurus for 'mother' ?

Can't say. Mum's the word.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1963Jan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the Indian say to his mother after leaving Bombay?

Mum bye.

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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My mother's zodiac was Cancer, which is ironic

because she died from a giant crab.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wmd1234
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a father or a mother who's kid looks a lot like them ?

Apparent

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhantomD3vil
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
The cannibal said to his mother, "I don't like my vegetables."

Mother says, "well, just eat your wife."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrewciferCDXX
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.

Turns out identity theft is a crime

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/growupyall
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Repetition is the Mother of learning.

So who's the father?

Daddycation.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/skraatatta
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.

Turns out, identity theft is a crime.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheVengefulKitten
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Dear Mother in law,

Don't teach me how to bring up my children. I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report

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