if not, Who is
He scored a home run every single at bat, and always the exact same way. Way over right field, too high for anyone to reach, and it always landed in exactly the 17th row of the stands, give or take a couple feet.
He earned the nickname “the machine” for how consistently he hit the exact same spot every time. Right field, 17th row, every single time. He did this for 20 years before he retired. Tickets to the 2-3 seats that the ball always landed on sold for over $2k a pop by the time he retired because you were guaranteed at least a couple home run balls.
And the day he retired a reporter asked him “How does it feel to be retiring as the greatest hitter of all time?”
Hugh just looked at the reporter puzzled. “What do you mean?” He said.
The reporter clarified “literally over 5,000 times you went to the plate and hit a home run to right field, 17th row of the stands!”
Hugh looked dejected and disappointed “yeah, my greatest failure...”
“What do you mean?” Said the reporter incredulously.
Hugh let’s out a long sigh, and looked down at the ground quietly for a moment before finally speaking.
“I’ve been aiming left this whole time”
Son: What?
Dad: Not Dr What son... close.. who
Son: Who?
Dad: Yes
Son: Who’s Dr Yes?
Dad: No, Who is who
Son: In the the zoo?
Dad: No, who isn’t in the zoo.
Son: What?
Dad: He’s on second.
Sherlock BONES
Down Jones
Fus Roald Dahl
Me: Christopher Columbus?
Dad: Your Stupid, it's Internet Explorer
"Let the music PAY"
Napoleon Bone-apart.
Lady Gagarin.
It was the center of a-tension.
Tom Braidy! I'm sorry, that was dreadful.
Henry Fjord
While getting paint for a project at Lowes, my wife asked the customer service rep which option was the most popular sheen.
I said "Charlie" and neither of them found it funny.
H. D. Thoreau!
D'artagnan.
Actual conversation with my wife this afternoon.
Me: If they named schools after their most famous alum, then I would have gone to "Duane, 'The Rock' Johnson High."
Wife: I suppose so.
Me: Home Economics enrollment would go through the roof.
Wife: confused Why?
Me: So they could smell what The Rock is cooking.
Wife: Oh God, you are SUCH a Dad.
Edit: I apparently can't apostrophe.
The Nude Eel
then Who is.
...Then Who is.
Then Who is.
Then Who is.
then Who is
