I burned my batter based breakfast this morning...

It tasted waffle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
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Verbatim account of a conversation with my son at breakfast this morning that makes me feel like I’m dadding well:

Son: β€œI hate crumbs.”

Me: β€œThat’s not cool. Crumbs never did anything to you.”

Son: β€œWell I don’t want to eat them.”

Me: β€œAnd they don’t want to eat you.”

Son: β€œCrumbs can’t eat anything, Dad. They don’t have a mouth and they can’t swallow things inside them.”

Me: β€œWhat if there’s a river of crumbs going into the ocean and a duck lands on them and it’s like quicksand so the duck gets swallowed up at the mouth of the river of crumbs? I’d say it just got eaten.”

Son: β€œAnd I’d say you’re ducking weird.”

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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My girlfriend usually has peanut butter toast for breakfast, but this morning we were out of bread, and she’s been grouchy all day.

I never knew she was lack-toast intolerant.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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Making my morning rounds in hospital when I ask a patient how his breakfast was. "The eggs and sausage were fine, but the Kentucky Jelly was awful," he replied. "What 'Kentucky Jelly'?" I ask.

Then he shows me the empty packet of KY Jelly had smeared all over his morning toast.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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My daughter was particularly grumpy one morning even after breakfast. I gave her a single piece of crushed ice. "What's this?" she asked,

A chill pill.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mahstir
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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A woman asks her husband in the morning regarding breakfast.......

"Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?"

He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It must be the Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite.

At lunchtime, she asks him if he'd like something. "How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?"

He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food.

Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"

He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra. I'm still not hungry."

"Well," she says: ""Can you now stop and get off me? I'm bloody starving!!".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
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I walked into the kitchen this morning and I saw my wife was cooking breakfast in her slippers again.

I thought to myself "I really should buy her a fry pan "

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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This morning I told my son I was going to cook a frozen ritto for breakfast.

It's cold, that's why it's called a brrrr-ritto.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOriginalGPS
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
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This morning at breakfast... Me: do you want this with honey? Son: No, I want it without honey

Me: What's "Outhoney"?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
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I was a bit afraid of making breakfast this Halloween morning but...

I ain’t afraid of no toast

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scottspears89
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
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Every morning at breakfast, I tell my family that I’m going for a jog, and then I don’t.

It’s my longest running joke of the year.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
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This morning at breakfast, my dad looked at us very seriously and said, β€œIt hurts me when I say this..”

..”But I have a sore throat.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
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I paid $6.66 for breakfast this morning.

It was one hell of a good breakfast.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
🚨︎ report
when I smelled breakfast in the morning it was bacon me eggcited.

Badumm tss.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TH31NT3LL3CTUAL
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2018
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Wife: β€œThis morning’s breakfast tasted like crap.”

Husband: β€œIt wasn’t crepe, it was toastered.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jadekinsjackson
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
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I went over to my dad's house this morning for breakfast. With a worried look, I turned to him and said, "Dad, did you know there's mold in your fridge?"

He came over and saw this. I honestly don't know why he wasn't prepared for that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grammarxcore
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
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My girlfriend and I had breakfast this morning. And she asked me how were my waffles.

They weren't w-awful.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BambooGamer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2018
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I went to a cafe and ordered eggs for breakfast this morning and the woman behind the counter asked, "How would you like your eggs cooked?"

"Does it affect the price?" I asked.

"No, not at all." she replied.

"In that case, I'd like them cooked with bacon, sausage and tomato please."

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2018
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This morning my wife and I walked in to the kitchen only to find a panda bear frying up some eggs and bacon for breakfast. My wife exclaimed in horror: β€œWhat the hell is that?!”

β€œA frying pan. Duh!”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ErikMFoss
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
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My roommate ran out of buns and used the last of my flatbreads for his breakfast this morning. He didn't find my response amusing.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/imnotwitty
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2014
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I had the best Grand Slam breakfast I've ever had at a Denny's this morning.

They really knocked it out of the park.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2018
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I was cooking my wife breakfast this morning…

Wife: These eggs are the best! You're an egg professional.

Me: I'm an eggspert.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alexrandau
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2017
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Girlfriend hit her roommate with this one while she was out getting breakfast this morning.

Girlfriend woke up this morning and threw up and is cramping badly, so she took pregnancy test. I've had kids, been through this before, but it came out negative. Her roommate had been joking about my gf being preggo before she left to get breakfast, so my wonderful woman hit her with this one:

https://i.imgur.com/DCFyfQv.png

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoSaysCory
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
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Early morning breakfast joke

Wife finally agreed to cook breakfast and asked "What kind of eggs do you want?" (How do I want them cooked?).

After pondering for a moment I responded: "I think Chicken eggs today".

By that time she was slicing a bagel with a knife and with a furrowed brow made threatening motions toward me with the knife... :-D

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chargen2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2014
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My parents are visiting and we went out for breakfast this morning...

My Mom ordered eggs.

Server: "How would you like your eggs?"

Dad: "Easter style! Can you hide them for her?"

Classic, Dad. Classic.

πŸ‘︎ 97
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πŸ‘€︎ u/clone0001
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2014
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This morning at breakfast, my daughter said she doesn't really like syrup on her pancakes, but sometimes she'll "sneak a little on there"

So I said, "well, aren't you syrup-titious!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2017
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Got my son while he was cooking breakfast this morning

My son asked me "Where's the chili powder?"

I replied "Right next to the Argentina powder."

To his credit, he slitted his eyes and intoned "I said 'chill-EE' powder, not 'chill-AY' powder, Dad."

πŸ‘︎ 114
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zamoose
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2014
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We were eating breakfast this morning and as my son was reaching for a banana, I suddenly yelled, "Don't eat that! We need to take it to a doctor immediately!""

"It isn't peeling well!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2017
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I had cooked bread for breakfast this morning...

It was synonym 'Toast'.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/twin802
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2016
🚨︎ report
At breakfast this morning, I told my friends I had to "ketchup" on my puns

I could have done so much butter

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LittleDanishBoy69
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2013
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Eating breakfast with my girlfriend this morning.

Her: "this should be enough butter for your bagel" Me: "that's debageble"

She didn't think it was as funny as I did.

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HoboStabz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2015
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My wife cooked me a great breakfast this morning. She was bragging about it.

After a great steak & eggs + side dishes breakfast...

Wife: Man. I'm so great. Cooking requires more creativity and skill than baking. You're just reading measurements with baking. With baking, all you need is time - a lot of time.

Me: What about basil or rosemary?

Wife: Huh?

Me: Basil or rosemary?

Wife: Huh?

A few seconds later, she gets it, sighs, then laughs. A few more seconds later...

Wife: I can't believe you're still laughing at your own joke.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/claytondufresne
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2015
🚨︎ report
My dad to my daughters this morning at breakfast....

Q: Do you know what you would have if every car in the u.s. was pink? A: A pink carnation

Q: What does a cat in the desert and Christmas have in common? A: SandyClaws

Q: What do a plum and an elephant have in common? A: They're both purple except for the elephant.

Q: Do you know how you get down from an elephant? A: You don't... You get down from a goose.

Q: How do you if an elephant has been hiding in your fridge? A: there are footprints in the cheesecake.

There were dozens more....

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/therealsmitty
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2013
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I had two pieces of toast for breakfast this morning...

Because I'm lactoast intolerant.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slidshocking_Krow
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2016
🚨︎ report
My wife while cooking breakfast this morning...

I walk in to pour a cup of coffee, and she looks at me and says, "Honey, I hope you don't go bacon my heart."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MDDDIY
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2013
🚨︎ report
DadJoke comic by the great Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thirtyseven1337
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2014
🚨︎ report
The alien was making breakfast this morning

Had space jam on his toast

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/THISISDAM
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2016
🚨︎ report
Got my wife this morning at breakfast

"Do you want some eggs honey?"

"No thanks, I'm not really a big egg person."

"Don't worry, these are regular sized eggs!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/metroidfan220
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2015
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My girlfriend asked me how I liked my breakfast this morning.

"Eggcellent! Its eggactly what I wanted!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thisismeredditing
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2014
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Got dadjoked at breakfast this morning.

Me: Honey, do you want some of these eggs?

Him: Nah, omelet you eat those.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/barcalonga
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2014
🚨︎ report
This morning at breakfast

I was sitting at the table eating breakfast and my dad walked up and dropped this one. How'd the hipster burn himself? He drank his coffee before it was cool

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2014
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Sunday morning breakfast

Me: oh my god! This cereal is soooo stale! Wife: what is it??? Me: Cheerios with ancient grains Wife: *head shaking *eye rolling

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2015
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I was a bit afraid of making breakfast this Halloween morning but...

I ain't afraid of no toast.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
A classic from Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal [Comic]

This isn't my original work, but I think you of all people can best appreciate this.

http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?id=3178

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Saxoman53
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2015
🚨︎ report

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