Daddy, you're sad because it's SADurday.
I was so proud.
Because all that's left is WTF.
"That is correct," I replied.
He said, "Would you be able to work outside those hours?"
I said, "No, I might catch a cold."
I said, “It must be my weekend immune system.”
Me: Yikes! What is The Cure?
Doctor: Oh my God. It is worse than I thought!
My brother's (pregnant) girlfriend, who I work with, was speaking with our co-workers.
She said, "I'm going to get a sonogram on Monday. I'm nervous."
I replied, "I thought you wanted a daughter-ogram?"
I was kicked out of the room...
We moved desks on Monday and today I found a working highlighter which the previous occupant had left under mine. My colleague groaned when I told him it was 'the highlight of my day'.
I came home yesterday (Friday) and excitedly told my wife that my boss decided to offer paternity leave to all new dads at the law firm.
She reminded me that I'm self employed and the only employee of the firm, and that if I wanted to pay the rent next month, my ass better be back at work on Monday.
So I guess I'll be at work on Monday...
and things are going great for the first few days, handling deliveries, putting cuts into and out of storage, etc. After his first week, coming in at 8am to work with the Butcher's supervision, the Butcher decides that he can trust John with a little more responsibility. The Butcher is a bit of a perfectionist and he tells John that he has to be there by 6am Monday morning because a delivery of fresh beef was due to arrive at 6:15 and it needed storage and processing immediately. John was incredibly excited and set extra alarms Monday. He snoozes his 5am alarm, but his 5:15 alarm gets him going, and he arrives at the shop at 5:55, tired and slightly panicked. He gets into the back room and takes a catnap.
He is shaken awake at 7:45am by the Butcher, who is asking where the cuts are. The deliveryman didn't see John and so the beef wasn't delivered or cut. The Butcher was incredibly disappointed in John, and had to fired him because he had caused too many missed steaks.
Me: Dad you need start working out
Dad: I do work out almost every day, almost Monday, almost Tuesday ...
Tested it on Monday and it worked great, so he spent Tuesday - Thursday sailing it around. On Saturday the bow ruptured and it sank. The man sighed, shook his head and mumbled "shoulda known".
What caused the sub to fail?
The weekend.
I'm making enchiladas for my work tomorrow but I forgot to buy baby jack cheese for my cheese enchiladas. I've been calling stores to ask them ahead if they have any, but no store in my neighborhood has it.
I told my dad about my frustrations as I was calling Food 4 Less, and my dad said, "Hey if they don't have it, tell them - tell 'em, 'Well you guys don't have JACK!'"
I then put my hands on my face began groaning as he closed out with, "I perform every Monday through Thursday!"
I was eating some left over casserole from earlier in the week.
>Me: "You want me to warm you up some?"
>Her: "No, I dont trust it. I'm waiting to see if you get sick before I eat it." (she got food poisoning from some bad chicken a few weeks ago)
>Me: "Fair choice, I don't work till monday so I have some time to work through it if it's bad."
>Her: "Yeah, I thought eating it might be a little hairy."
>Me: "There wasnt any hair growing yet, I checked"
>Her: "..."
"The look" she gave me was more satisfying than I expected.
Me: I'm hungry can you make me a sandwich?
Dad: Here, let me make you a grilled cheese.
(proceeds to open fridge, and take out the cheese)
Dad: GOD DAMNIT CHEESE,YOU LAZY GOOD FOR NOTHIN. I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO GET SOME WORK DONE TODAY. KEEP THIS UP AND YOU WONT BE HERE NEXT MONDAY...
I never got a sandwich.
