Chickens

How do you keep a rooster from cock - a-doodle-doing on Monday morning?

Eat him for Sunday dinner .....

👍︎ 3
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📅︎ Apr 23 2020
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So John just started working at the butcher's shop...

and things are going great for the first few days, handling deliveries, putting cuts into and out of storage, etc. After his first week, coming in at 8am to work with the Butcher's supervision, the Butcher decides that he can trust John with a little more responsibility. The Butcher is a bit of a perfectionist and he tells John that he has to be there by 6am Monday morning because a delivery of fresh beef was due to arrive at 6:15 and it needed storage and processing immediately. John was incredibly excited and set extra alarms Monday. He snoozes his 5am alarm, but his 5:15 alarm gets him going, and he arrives at the shop at 5:55, tired and slightly panicked. He gets into the back room and takes a catnap.

He is shaken awake at 7:45am by the Butcher, who is asking where the cuts are. The deliveryman didn't see John and so the beef wasn't delivered or cut. The Butcher was incredibly disappointed in John, and had to fired him because he had caused too many missed steaks.

👍︎ 10
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📅︎ Jun 04 2017
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Got my wife this morning...

The kids didn't find it funny either....

When she woke up this morning, I had coffee on the kitchen counter for her. a few minutes later she was talking about the new bed we bought, and having it come in on Monday. So, I make a crack about "testing" the new bed Monday night...

Wife: aaargghhh... you make me crazy. (as in "you're an idiot, stop talking to me")

Me: No, I made you a coffee. It's on the counter... remember...

👍︎ 11
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📅︎ Sep 27 2013
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Took me a couple days to set this one up

Baby sitting my nephew for a week since Monday. I've been teaching him to make the bed so everyone morning I'll remind him to make the bed.

"Now what do you do when you first wake up?"

"make the bed"

"good"

This morning:

"Now what do you do when you first wake up?"

"make the bed"

"no, you open your eyes"

👍︎ 20
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👤︎ u/bopodogo
📅︎ Dec 06 2014
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My Maths teacher's bicycle jokes.

My maths teacher was demonstrating a 'How to calculate the speed of something when the distance is x and the time is y' type question which involved a bike. It is the first lesson after break-time on Monday morning, so most of us (the students) were dozing off. The maths teacher notices this and begins the 'jokes..'

"I know you're all tired, but you just had brake and I have spoke to you all about not being lethargic in class.

Cue awkward laughter

👍︎ 3
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👤︎ u/N00dles98
📅︎ Feb 23 2014
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My dad said this one while at the dinner table...

Dad's friend: "...so I guess I will have to get a doctors note for Monday morning"

Dad " Tell them you have Anal Glaucoma and you don't see your ass coming into work"

👍︎ 3
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👤︎ u/BennyKB
📅︎ Feb 09 2014
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