A list of puns related to "Monday Jokes"
http://i.imgur.com/HyijC2g.png
Me: It must be my weekend immune system.
But donβt forget, only 48 hours ago, it was a sadder day.
"I have kleptomania. Sometimes when it gets really bad, I take something for it."
I asked my dad "When are the tree fellers coming?"
He replied "Monday, but I'm not sure if it'll be tree fellers, there might be four."
He said it with a stone-cold serious tone, whilst poking around on his ipad. The best sort of delivery for that sort of joke.
But 48 hours ago was a sadder day.
( OP here )
Eating steak
"This is the best steak I've had all day!"
End of my birthday
"This was the best birthday you've had all year!"
Any day of the week
"This was the best Sunday/Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday/Thursday/Friday/Saturday I've had all week!"
Along with the New Years jokes and other various annual holidays.
I have a theory
That you must tell no one,
About the way
That dads make a pun.
It all starts out
With an underground meeting:
7:30 on Mondays,
With limited seating.
They talk and converse
To say their new jokes,
Like
"I'm all out of whites,
But got plenty of yokes!"
From there they spread
To dads far and wide,
For use on their kids,
All mercy aside.
There's no way to stop it,
Believe me, I've tried.
The only thing that can help
Is to plug your ears, and hide.
On Tuesday I asked my daughter a silly question. She looked at me funny and I asked, "What? Were you born yesterday?" Baby girl was born Monday. I wore that prideful grin while my wife groaned. But now... my sweet baby's outgrown the joke :(
http://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/front-range/arvada/arvada-man-knocked-out-by-lightning-while-videotaping-monday-nights-storm-from-inside-his-garage (video autoplays)
>His daughter Ileah heard the crash, ran over, and found her dad convulsing on the floor.
>"At first I thought he was joking, because that's the kind of person my dad is..."
Doctor Grant would have been proud. https://gs1.wac.edgecastcdn.net/8019B6/data.tumblr.com/a6a9170d54b98df4d8ef9f4f9c39b2ae/tumblr_inline_mlme68KRS11qz4rgp.gif
My maths teacher was demonstrating a 'How to calculate the speed of something when the distance is x and the time is y' type question which involved a bike. It is the first lesson after break-time on Monday morning, so most of us (the students) were dozing off. The maths teacher notices this and begins the 'jokes..'
"I know you're all tired, but you just had brake and I have spoke to you all about not being lethargic in class.
Cue awkward laughter
I said, βIt must be my weekend immune system.β
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