I went to a Ford dealership the other day looking for a specific model. The salesman told me they didn’t have what I was looking for and that I wasn’t allowed to leave.
My dad wanted to post something on Reddit and I told him there’s specific subs he would want to post on and certain ways to post
And he responded “oh so there’s reddiquette to it then”
(Also he’s on Reddit now so if he sees this then hi dad)
I just found out the Mortal Kombat theme was based on something old
Did you know that Mortal Kombat was actually based on an old Scandinavian worship song?
I built a model of Mt.Everest and my son asked, "Is it to scale?" I replied "No."
Alright guys, which is the best name for a llama? (All pun based)
Sometimes, I just can’t remember a specific part of a song.
Maybe it just isn’t note-worthy.
I heard that a gang based in Los Angeles is creating paper money with pictures of the founder's foot's digits in place of presidents...
I dunno if the Crip-toe currency will take off or not.
Did you hear about the fashionable scientist who can design your baby to your specifications?
They are always bragging about their designer jeans
What did the vegan say when they ate a plant based chicken nugget?
I work as a tattoo artist in a wellness center making very specific designs and everyone get really surprised when I tell them that I'm also a doctor...
Nobody expects the Spa Niche Ink Physician.
My dad used to hit me with cameras
The spread of Covid 19 is based on 2 factors....
-
How dense the population is.
-
How dense the population is.
My wife doesn't share my view that insulting a specific water bird is a good idea.
I think we're going to have to agree to diss a grebe.
I'm not usually secretive when it comes to base units.
But there is one that makes me KG.
There are 2 types of people in this world: 1: People who can extrapolate information based off of incomplete data
I'm going broke trying to model my life based on the plot of "Fight Club"
You could say I'm living my life paycheck to Palahniuk
What kind of bird doesn’t know the words to their own song?
After careful consideration, I’ve decided to go on an entirely vegetarian based diet.
I will now only eat animals that are herbivores.
The Pfizer and Moderna vaccines are based on mRNA.
Could someone say that we're shooting the messenger?
In scotland we name all our road gritters pun based names
My father died and requested to be buried at a specific farm.
He always told us one day he'd be a dead beet Dad.
Need your best rock/stone based puns
I play dnd and my bard is very annoyed, that our party's druid, who is an earth genasi (appearance was described as a living statue)) won't give anyone his name.
So my bard will only address them with rock based puns until they properly introduce themselves.
You want to know where dads store all the dad jokes?
They store it in dad-a-base.
I once went to a city with a culture based on swimming to deep places
In the French Court of Louis XIV, going to the bathroom happened all over the place, but loud farting was really stigmatized. So people experiencing gas had to rush to a specifically appointed room called the...
Is there anyone who would act in a movie based on J.R.R Tolkien's The Silmarillion?
A fat man came into the store trying to decide if he wanted a hammock. He laid down in the display model and I tried pushing him so he could feel what it was like to gently rock. I wasn't strong enough. He left without purchasing it.
Why are models against air conditioning?
Because they use OnlyFans
Looks like the Democrats are going for a fruit-based strategy
They're going with either impeachment or impairment.
The problem with models
… is they’re all such posers.
Did you hear about the summer camp for aspiring models? They’re hiring counselors for next year, but it’s not for everyone.
The camp goers are pretty intense.
Did you hear about the priest who invented a vegetable-based fragrance?
Why do we base our work around 7 days instead of a fortnight?
Because working for a fortnight would make everyone too weak.
An astronaut is making coffee onboard the ISS...
He turns to his crewmate and says:
"Damn, I can't find any milk for my coffee."
The crewmate replies:
"In space no one can, here use cream."
You shouldn't discriminate against first graders based on their age.
An answer in a listening test was "specific background material" and a classmate asked if it was ok to just write "background material"
The teacher said it had to be specific
I stole this, sorry for the Roblox base
Impossible Foods is introducing a new line of Edible Plant based Panties.
A two-star officer was so vain about how good he looked in the updated uniform...
...he ordered all flare guns to be loaded with an action figure in his likeness. That's right:
the Very model of a modern major general.
Dad caught me chewing on my clothes.. he asked me..
are you on a pant based diet?
I just showed my friend my model of Mount Everest.
"Is it to scale?" He asked.
"No," I replied. "It's to look at."
I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, “Is it to scale?” I replied, “No…”
I bought a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, "Is it to scale?"
I replied, "NO!! It's to look at."
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