Michael Witney Puns

Hey everyone! I love this sub and all of your posts. I like your ideas for improving the show. You all have great ideas. Here are some of mine, alongside your’s!

— Themes —

Most Memorable Year

Switch Up Week (stars have a different pro)

Halloween / Christmas

Icon Week

Broadway Week

Hollywood Week (movie/tv show)

Fashion Week

Disney Week

— Also —

-Bring back Trios and Group dances

-bring back the Troupe, have more pro dances

-Have better time management

-Let the pros choreograph

-Let us see more footage of the practices.

-better music choices

— Hosts —

Alfonso Ribeiro and Chelsie Hightower

David Ross and Keke Palmer

Wayne Brady and Jeannie Mae

Would love Tom Bergeron and Erin Andrews back, too!

— Judges 4 —

Head: Derek Hough

Anna Trebunskaya

Mark Ballas

*Guest Judge

Have a different ‘guest judge’ each week.

Guest Judges:

Julianne Hough, Tony Dovolani, Karina Smirnoff, Louis van Amstel, Maks, Many Moore, CAI, Bruno, Len

— Pros 13 —

Valentin Chmerkovskiy

Witney Carson

Artem Chigvintsev

Jenna Johnson

Daniella Karagach

Pasha Pashkov

Britt Stewart

Brandon Armstrong

Lindsay Arnold

Keo Motsepe

Emma Slater

Bring on 2 New Pros

*I would cut these ones:

Alan Bernsten

Gleb Savchenko

Sasha Farber

Sharna Burgess

Cheryl Burke- she should retire, and be a guest judge.

— Stars —

(These are stars I’ve come up with and ones I have read on here that you all would like to see as well.) No particular order:

Christy Carlson Romano -child Disney star. She seems like she has a lot to share; and most of us want to see her dance.

Skylar Diggins -awesome women’s basketball player

Melissa Gorga -Bravo’s Housewife of New Jersey. She’s naturally a pretty good dancer.

Jamie Lynn Spears -Britney Spears little sister. Would love to watch that drama.

Jackée Harry -actress (Sister Sister). She’s hilarious. She would be similar to Kristie Alley

Francis Bean Cobain -Kurt Cobain & Courtney Love’s child

Jesse McCartney -early 2000s pop singer

Alex Morgan -soccer superstar

Michael Oher -NFL player, movie with Sandra Bullock made after him

Alexis Neiers -reality star of Pretty Wild

Rachael Leigh Cooke -90’s actress

David Bromstad -American designer and tv personality

Lauren Collins -actor (Degrassi)

Eugene Lee Yang -one of the TryGuys

Bridget Everett -hilarious comedian

Bob Behnken -astronaut

Dez Bryant -NFL player

Sunny Anderson -host of the Kitchen on food network. She see

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Buenosdillas

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

The Clarkson Review: Bentley Continental GT Mulliner

This is a car where you can indulge any whim that takes your fancy

By Jeremy Clarkson (Sunday Times, September 19)

Like most sane people, I decided not to bother with a foreign holiday this year because I figured it would be cancelled by new Covid restrictions at the last minute. So then I’d lose all my money and I’d have to go on a radio phone-in and complain, in a regional accent, about the travel agent and Boris Johnson, and this would make me look foolish.

I even worked out that I didn’t need a holiday. It’s not a God-given right. They didn’t have holidays in the 14th century and they don’t have them now in places like Ethiopia. And besides, I now have so many jobs, there wouldn’t be time to go away anyway.

However, last week I was unexpectedly gifted three days off — the harvest was aborted by rain — so I decided to relive my childhood and go to the British seaside to do a bit of rock-pooling. But where? Normal people would say that as I was born in Yorkshire I should go to Whitby or Scarborough, but there are those who say that actually life begins at the moment of conception. And I was conceived in Cornwall — at the Bedruthan hotel, in case you’re interested. Room 7.

Plus we had all our family holidays down there and I remember them fondly. Sitting in cafés in Padstow, drinking bitter tea from thick-rimmed mugs, while my mother peered through the hole in the condensation she’d made on the rain-streaked windows to announce that it was “brightening up”. But it never was.

We’d hunt for quartz and amethyst in the rain, we’d look for crabs in the rain, I played with my little wooden yacht in the sea in the rain and we’d sit in the shed we’d rented, playing Monopoly and listening to the rain beat down on the tin roof. They were happy times, so I booked us into the Idle Rocks hotel in St Mawes and off we set, in the rain.

Cornwall has changed since I was eight. Even though it still rains all the time, it’s much busier these days. Mostly this is because of all the film crews who are down there making programmes in which locals sit in their teak and mahogany Hatteras sports fishing boats, moaning about how their tiny cottage is now worth £17 million and how their catch is snapped up every day by bloody Londoners who are willing to pay forty quid for a sardine.

The hotels have changed too. I’m duty bound to say that friends of mine own the Idle Rocks, but God it’s good. The fastest chec

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

You take away their little brooms

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!

[Removed]

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Nothing, it just waved

Bob

So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."

Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.

Just to clarify, 12345678

Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...

Notices there's only 2;

Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."

I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.

I was just sitting there doing nothing.

“BOOM”?!

free

"That's what they're fighting about."

Because his Visa didn’t work.

Because the audience only responds in a low ha

When I got home, they were still there.