Tungsten carbide.
It's literally a WC.
They were avoiding cross contamination.
Half-Life!
“Oh, I just reddit somewhere.”
I think I'll take a bow
Fleece Navidad
Would they be prime-mates?
It’s just a blanket statement.
Ninten-D’OH!
So my wife is a teacher, and is attempting to explain puns to her students. She mentioned that dad jokes would be the perfect examples. So what are ya'lls BEST puns?
Update: Thank you all, these were fantastic and had my wife and I chuckling through the weekend. She has more material than she thought possible! You also aided me in driving her insane by telling her these jokes almost every two minutes, so from the bottom of my heart; thank you for helping to fulfill my purpose, it's quite wonderful! Thank you all, these were all fantastic!
It was the final nail his coffin.
Night fell and they were exhausted. The hotel on the map was nowhere to be seen.
They knocked on the door of a farm and asked if they could spend the night.
The farmer said, “Of course, but I only have a small room with two beds. One of you will have to sleep in the barn.”
The Hindu priest said, “I need no material comforts. I will gladly take the barn.”
The rabbi and the politician were settling in when they heard a knock on the door. They opened it to find the Hindu priest standing there.
“So sorry, my friends, but there is a cow in the barn, and I cannot sleep beside such a holy animal.”
The rabbi said, “No problem, my brother. I’ll take the barn.
The Hindu priest and the politician were settling in when they heard a knock on the door. They opened it to find the rabbi standing there.
“So sorry, my friends, but there’s a pig in the barn, and I can’t sleep beside such a filthy animal.”
The politician said, “OK, let it be remembered that I sacrificed my comfort for the greater good.”
The rabbi and the Hindu priest were settling in when they heard a knock on the door. They opened it to find the pig and the cow standing there.
Alabastard
It was a repeat.
I didn’t believe her at first, but when I checked his room, all the sines were there.
A Meaty-ore
Wondered what he was going to do with all the wheelchairs 🤔
Tequila Mockingbird
Like there's only rock and metal?
Calculator.
Don't worry, it's just a hoptical illusion.
Ground beef
Discardboard
They already have petals
Woo! Tang forever!
"...far too clingy..."
Does no one have any material about the other 25 letters?
Now That’s his own dumb asphalt.
His people were dissatisfied with his greed and revolted. He was forced to leave his vast wealth and gorgeous material possessions behind and escape to a deserted island for refuge. The only treasure he was able to smuggle away with him was his throne- a beautiful throne of solid gold chased with jewels, his most prized possession. But in his escape, he lived in fear that he would be tracked down and his last piece of luxury stolen. Therefore, he built himself a hut of grass and straw on his new island, but created a secret attic in the hut to conceal it, beneath which he slept. And for a time, he was safe. However, the rains came, and the damp grasses could no longer support the weight of the heavy golden throne, and the attic floor collapsed while the king slept, taking his life. The moral of this story, of course, is that people who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
He just stared me in the eyes and said, "it's all about the crowds energy, joule know watt to use"
He's all out of material.
Please!
j/k, love the guy but he likes to greet me with things like this:
"Hey, what would you call fake feces?"
"Sham-poo."
I told him I was going to post it here to see how it rates as a qualified dad joke!
Is this a trick question?
Rep tiles
a potay-dough
they were doing asbestos they could
Jokes on him
They don’t want to crack up
Tar-get
To keep running, they had to beg, borrow, and steel.
But they haven't really cotton.
Jesus is walking in Jerusalem when he sees Benjamin Goldstein, the robemaker.
“Excuse me, Ben? I have been told that you are the man to see when you want to have robes that will last walking for miles and being touched by hundreds at a time”
Goldstein ponders for a minute, then an idea comes to him. He makes Jesus the most beautiful robes ever made, all colors and the softest but most durable material Jesus had ever seen. Jesus was grateful and wandered off to give sermons.
About a year goes by, and Jesus finds his way back to Goldstein. “Pardon me, Ben? The robes you made me were magnificent, but as all good things do, these are now well worn. Can you make me another?”
Goldstein takes a moment to plan out his masterpiece, then proceeds to make a second robe that put the first robe to shame. It almost glowed in the sunlight. While delivering it, he told Jesus, “you know, since I made your last robes, I have seen more customers come through my doors than I could ever have hoped for, and I’m sure I’ll get even more from these ones! Hey, Jesus! We should start a company!”
Jesus inquired “what should we call it?”
Goldstein shrugs and suggests, “how about Jesus and Goldstein’s robes?”
Jesus looks back and says, “let’s call it Lord and Tailor”
The Four Chops.
