Margaret Dumont Puns

Period: 208.19 days

###Top Submitters' Top Submissions

1. 3261 points, 91 submissions: /u/Superbuddhapunk

2. Imposter Syndrome (274 points, 8 comments)

3. Danny Devito & Arnold Schwartzenegger from Twins (1988) (218 points, 6 comments)

4. The Oval Office between US Presidents (211 points, 8 comments)

5. Robert Kearns, the inventor of intermittent windshield wipers, tried to sell his idea to the auto industry and was turned away. When they began showing up on new cars, he sued the manufacturers from the industry and won millions of dollars in settlements. [Long] (197 points, 4 comments)

6. Charles Darwin’s walking stick was made of whale bone and looked like a super villain’s cane. (156 points, 2 comments)

7. Persian rug map. Persian rugs are classified on the basis of region. Each region in Iran has its own style. (133 points, 5 comments)

8. In Gangs of New York (2002) there is a statue of a Native American labeled "Tamanend" in Tammany Hall. He was a Lenape chief known for his love of peace. He was nicknamed Saint Tammany, as he was considered a patron saint of the United States. Tammany Hall in New York City was named after him. (108 points, 5 comments)

9. Faire chabrot or faire chabròl is an ancient Occitanian custom whereby at the end of a soup or broth, one adds red wine to the bowl to dilute the remnants and brings it to the lips to drink in big gulps. (91 points, 4 comments)

10. Plague Doctor BF (91 points, 1 comment)

11. Zen GPS (84 points, 1 comment)

12. 2593 points, 78 submissions: /u/nickoftime444

13. Chuckle Finster from Rugrats? (165 points, 7 comments)

14. [The decrease in boat noise in Alaska during covi

Original article with good photos https://www.vulture.com/2014/02/alec-baldwin-good-bye-public-life.html

[ETA background on his MSNBC show getting cancelled and why this article is just him whining about how much he hates MSNBC https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/tv/tv-news/msnbc-cancels-alec-baldwin-talker-660152/]

Alec Baldwin: Good-bye, Public Life

Feb. 23, 2014 (As told to Joe Hagan.)

I flew to Hawaii recently to shoot a film, fresh on the heels of being labeled a homophobic bigot by Andrew Sullivan, Anderson Cooper, and others in the Gay Department of Justice. I wanted to speak with a gay-rights group that I had researched and admired, so I called its local Honolulu branch.

The office number turned out to be some guy’s cell phone. I left him a message—I said, “I’m from out of town, I’m visiting Hawaii on business, I’d like to get some information on your group.” After two or three more calls, he answered the phone. I said, “Yeah, I’m the guy that called about your organization.” And he said, somewhat impatiently, “Okay, well, what did you want?” I said, “Well, let me put it to you this way, Nick. Your name is Nick? Nick, let me begin by asking you a question. Who would you say, by your estimation, is the most homophobic member of the entertainment industry currently in the media?” And he paused for a long count of four and said, “Um … Alec Baldwin?”

And I said, “Ding, ding, ding, ding! Bingo, Nick, bingo! That’s who you’re talking to.”

He said, “C’mon!”

I said, “Nick, I want to come in and talk.”

I met with Nick and others from two LGBT organizations. We talked for a while about the torment of the LGBT life many of them have lived while growing up in traditional Hawaiian families. Macho fathers. Religious mothers. We talked a lot about words and their power, especially in the lives of young people.

One young man, an F-to-M tranny, said, “Are you here to get dry-cleaned, like Brett Ratner?” Meaning I could do some mea culpa, write them a six-figure check, go to a dinner, sob at the table, give a heartfelt speech, beg for forgiveness. I thought to myself: Beg for forgiveness for something I didn’t do?

I said, “No. I don’t want to get dry-cleaned. I don’t want to be decontaminated by you, Karen Silkwood–wise, scrubbed down. I want to learn about what is hurtful speech

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

* Eastern time zone closures ** Central time zone closures

Introduction

Good evening. We will be posting a discussion thread for each group of states as their polling locations close. Polls have now closed in Alabama, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida (Central time zones), Illinois, Kansas (Central time zones), Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan (Eastern time zones), Mississippi, Missouri, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Dakota (Central time zomes), Tennessee, Texas (Central time zones), and the District of Columbia. Results and forecasts for the presidential election in each state are provided below, along with a list of US Senate elections, state governor elections and competitive US House races.

National Results:

NPR | POLITICO | USA Today / Associated Press | NY Times | NBC | ABC News | Fox News | CNN

New York Times: Race Calls: Tracking the News Outlets That Have Called States for Trump or Biden

Alabama

Presidential

Results

AP / USA Today | NY Times | NPR

Forecasts

FiveThirtyEight | The Economist

US Senate

Cook Rating: Lean R

• Doug Jones (D) (Incumbent)
• Tommy Tuberville (R)

C

24 City, Jia Zhangke, 2008
Abel’s Island, Michael Sporn, 1988
Ace in the Hole, Billy Wilder, 1951
After Hours, Martin Scorsese, 1985
An Affair to Remember, Leo McCarey, 1957
Angel, Ernst Lubitsch, 1937
The Angel Levine, Ján Kadár, 1970
The Apartment, Billy Wilder, 1960
Bluebeard’s Eighth Wife, Ernst Lubitsch, 1938
Bonjour tristesse, Otto Preminger, 1958
Born to Win, Ivan Passer, 1971
Center Stage, Stanley Kwan, 1991
Chocolate Babies, Stephen Winter, 1996
Ciao! Manhattan, John Palmer, 1972
Citizenfour, Laura Poitras, 2014**
The Clock, Vincente Minnelli, 1945
The Crowd, King Vidor, 1928
Cluny Brown, Ernst Lubitsch, 1946
Crimson Gold, Jafar Panahi, 2003**
Da yie, Anthony Nti, 2019
Dark Days, Marc Singer, 2000
The Devil and Daniel Johnston, Jeff Feuerzeig, 2005
Do the Right Thing, Spike Lee, 1989
Downtown 81, Edo Bertoglio, 2000
Drifting Clouds, Aki Kaurismäki, 1996
Edward, My Son, George Cukor, 1949
The End of the Affair, Edward Dmytryk, 1955
Eye of the Devil, J. Lee Thompson, 1966
Fear of a Black Hat, Rusty Cundieff, 1993
Flowers of Shanghai, Hou Hsiao-hsien, 1998
Freedom Fields, Naziha Arebi, 2018
The Garment Jungle, Vincent Sherman, 1957
God Told Me To, Larry Cohen, 1976
Grass: A Nation’s Battle for Life, Ernest B. Schoedsack and Merian C. Cooper, 1925
Heaven Can Wait, Ernst Lubitsch, 1943
The Hottest August, Brett Story, 2019
The Hucksters, Jack Conway, 1947
In the Cut, Jane Campion, 2003**
The Innocents, Jack Clayton, 1961
Jason and Shirley, Stephen Winter, 2015
Jean-Michel Basquiat: The Radiant Child, Tamra Davis, 2010
Jeannette: The Childhood of Joan of Arc, Bruno Dumont, 2017
Jia Zhangke, A Guy from Fenyang, Walter Salles, 2014**
Joan of Arc,​​Bruno Dumont, 2019
Just Another Girl on the I.R.T., Leslie Harris, 1992
King of New York, Abel Ferrara, 1990
Koshien: Japan’s Field of Dreams, Ema Ryan Yamazaki, 2019
La Cage aux Folles, Edouard Molinaro, 1978
Lights in the Dusk, Aki Kaurismäki, 2006**
Little Fugitive, Morris Engel, Ruth Orkin, and Raymond Abrashkin, 1953
Little Murders, Alan Arkin, 1971
Los Sures, Diego Echeverria, 1984
maɬni—towards the ocean, towards the shore, Sky Hopinka, 2020
The Man Without a Past, Aki Kaurismäki, 2002
Margaret, Kenneth Lonergan, 2011
Mountains May Depart, Jia Zhangke, 2015**
Mr. Jealousy, Noah Baumbach, 1997
Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle, Alan Rudolph, 1994
My Country, My Country, Laura Poitras, 2006

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

Mathematical puns makes me number

They were cooked in Greece.

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

He lost May

Today is the thirteenth of September! MOASS almost definitely confirmed for today, because all the cellar boxers have been waiting for the markets to open on this Monday! Look what this day brought us over the past years, and just imagine what that day will bring us in 2021! <3

Events

585 BC – Lucius Tarquinius Priscus, king of Rome, celebrates a triumph for his victories over the Sabines, and the surrender of Collatia.

509 BC – The Temple of Jupiter Optimus Maximus on Rome's Capitoline Hill is dedicated on the ides of September.

379 – Yax Nuun Ahiin I is crowned as 15th Ajaw of Tikal

533 – Belisarius of the Byzantine Empire defeats Gelimer and the Vandals at the Battle of Ad Decimum, near Carthage, North Africa.

1229 – Ögedei Khan is proclaimed Khagan of the Mongol Empire in Kodoe Aral, Khentii: Mongolia.

1437 – Battle of Tangier: a Portuguese expeditionary force initiates a failed attempt to seize the Moroccan citadel of Tangier.

1501 – Italian Renaissance: Michelangelo begins work on his statue of David.

1504 – Queen Isabella and King Ferdinand issue a Royal Warrant for the construction of a Royal Chapel (Capilla Real) to be built.

1541 – After three years of exile, John Calvin returns to Geneva to reform the church under a body of doctrine known as Calvinism.

1584 – San Lorenzo del Escorial Palace in Madrid is finished.

1609 – Henry Hudson reaches the river that would later be named after him – the Hudson River.

1645 – Wars of the Three Kingdoms: Scottish Royalists are defeated by Covenanters at the Battle of Philiphaugh.

1743 – Great Britain, Austria and the Kingdom of Sardinia sign the Treaty of Worms.

1759 – Battle of the Plains of Abraham: the British defeat the French near Quebec City in the Seven Years' War, known in the United States as the French and Indian War.

1782 – American Revolutionary War: Franco-Spanish troops launch the unsuccessful "grand assault" during the Great Siege of Gibraltar.

1788 – The Philadelphia Convention sets the date for the first presidential election in the United States, and New York City becomes the country's temporary capital.

1791 – King Louis XVI of France accepts the new constitution.

1808 – Finnish War: In the Battle of Jutas, Swedish forces under Lieutenant General Georg Carl von Döbeln beat the Russians, making von Döbeln a Swedish war hero.

1812 – War of 1812: A supply wagon sent to relieve Fort Harrison is ambushed in the Attack at the Narrows.

1814 – In a turning point in t

I guess the concept didn't work

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

And now I’m cannelloni

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

And boy are my arms legs.

Put it on my bill

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

Period: 207.38 days

###Top Submitters' Top Submissions

1. 3659 points, 105 submissions: /u/Superbuddhapunk

2. Imposter Syndrome (274 points, 8 comments)

3. Danny Devito & Arnold Schwartzenegger from Twins (1988) (221 points, 6 comments)

4. The Oval Office between US Presidents (206 points, 8 comments)

5. Robert Kearns, the inventor of intermittent windshield wipers, tried to sell his idea to the auto industry and was turned away. When they began showing up on new cars, he sued the manufacturers from the industry and won millions of dollars in settlements. [Long] (197 points, 4 comments)

6. Charles Darwin’s walking stick was made of whale bone and looked like a super villain’s cane. (163 points, 2 comments)

7. Persian rug map. Persian rugs are classified on the basis of region. Each region in Iran has its own style. (133 points, 5 comments)

8. In Gangs of New York (2002) there is a statue of a Native American labeled "Tamanend" in Tammany Hall. He was a Lenape chief known for his love of peace. He was nicknamed Saint Tammany, as he was considered a patron saint of the United States. Tammany Hall in New York City was named after him. (107 points, 5 comments)

9. Faire chabrot or faire chabròl is an ancient Occitanian custom whereby at the end of a soup or broth, one adds red wine to the bowl to dilute the remnants and brings it to the lips to drink in big gulps. (93 points, 4 comments)

10. Plague Doctor BF (86 points, 1 comment)

11. Zen GPS (86 points, 1 comment)

12. 2732 points, 80 submissions: /u/nickoftime444

13. Chuckle Finster from Rugrats? (170 points, 7 comments)

14. [This map displays how long it would take to get

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

Because she wanted to see the task manager.