Well that didn't cross my mind
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Jun 11 2021
So my dad just died because he needed blood and we didnβt know his blood type.
He was so brave and even tried to encourage us, the family around him, with his last breaths. He kept whispering to us to Be Positive.
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Jun 14 2021
This morning Siri said "don't call me Shirley"
I'd accidentally left my phone in Airplane mode.
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Jun 09 2021
Argon enters a bar, the bartender says βWe donβt serve noble gases here.β
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Jul 06 2021
Iβm sorry aboot these. Please donβt kick me out of this sub or shoe me away....
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Jun 12 2021
Ah sorry i didn't read the name of the subreddit right
π︎ 249
π
︎ Jun 30 2021
MODS please remove this post if it doesn't belong on this sub
π︎ 3k
π
︎ May 26 2021
If my son ever came out to be trans then I wouldnβt have a son anymore
π︎ 7k
π
︎ May 07 2021
Why didnβt Hans Solo enjoy his steak dinner?
π︎ 267
π
︎ Jul 06 2021
Don't know if this was posted here before
π︎ 6k
π
︎ May 10 2021
People who donβt know the difference between entomology and etymologyβ¦
Bug me in ways I cannot put into words.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Jun 21 2021
I have finished childproofing my home but I didn't do a good job.
My kids are still able to get in the house.
π︎ 9k
π
︎ May 19 2021
People in Dubai donβt like The Flintstones.
But people in Abu Dhabi do.
π︎ 880
π
︎ Jun 29 2021
My Bluetooth speaker wasnβt working so I threw it into the lake.
π︎ 8k
π
︎ May 11 2021
My son asked me today, βwhy didnβt the head go to prom?β
Me: βwhy?β
Son: βBecause he had noBODY to dance withβ
Heβs ten and says he came up with it on his own. Iβm so proud.
π︎ 486
π
︎ Jun 27 2021
My favourite sport starts with a "T".
π︎ 289
π
︎ Jun 27 2021
Initially I didnβt believe that my chiropractor was any good.
But now I stand corrected.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Apr 28 2021
Why don't you ever see elephants hiding behind trees?
Because they are good at it
π︎ 300
π
︎ Jun 29 2021
I need someone to repair the stone wall in the front of my house, but I donβt have a lot of money.
Incidentally, Free Masons are not what they sound like.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Jun 11 2021
There were 30 cows and 28 chicken. How many didn't?
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Apr 19 2021
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 in Roman numerals.
π︎ 408
π
︎ Jun 18 2021
My wife said, βI donβt really understand the science behind human cloning.β
I said, βThat makes two of us.β
π︎ 8k
π
︎ May 09 2021
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Apr 27 2021
What starts with W and ends with T.
It really does , I swear.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ May 24 2021
It wasn't much fun last year having a broken neck.
But at least now I can look back and laugh.
π︎ 357
π
︎ Jul 03 2021
You can't do this to me. I know my rights!
π︎ 720
π
︎ May 28 2021
What rock group has four men but doesnβt sing?
Mount Rushmore.
This joke was probably posted before, but Happy Fourth of July! πΊπΈ
π︎ 110
π
︎ Jul 04 2021
Why don't vultures check bags when they fly?
They're strictly carrion birds
π︎ 695
π
︎ Jun 17 2021
The T-Shirt that my Daughter got me for Father's Day is a Dad Joke about Dad Jokes
I wish I could post a picture here, but it says, "Dad Jokes are how eye roll."
It's a meta-Dad joke. I'm so proud of her!
π︎ 419
π
︎ Jun 20 2021
If anyone ever asks you to spell part backwards, DON'T DO IT
π︎ 206
π
︎ Jul 03 2021
I don't tell dad jokes
He never understands them.
π︎ 170
π
︎ Jul 02 2021
An outdoor neighborhood cat was hiding in some bushes while I was hedge trimming. Didn't see him and clipped his tail clean off. I panicked and grabbed the cat and his tail rushing to my car and drove like a mad man to Walmart. The greeter was puzzled and asked why I brought the cat.
"Because you're the largest re-tailer in the world!"
π︎ 372
π
︎ Jun 25 2021
Why shouldn't you put more than 239 beans in a soup?
Because adding just one more would make it too farty. Straight from my 7 year old daughter.
Edit: Thank you so much for the awards and upvotes. I showed my daughter how many people saw and appreciated her humor and she's extatic. I know she probably didn't come up with the joke herself but this was one of the first times she really got me with a good one and I thought I'd share it with some fellow dads and others.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Apr 13 2021
Pandoraβs box wasnβt actually a box.
In fact, all the trouble started because it was ajar.
π︎ 4k
π
︎ May 09 2021
Why can't T-rexes clap?
π︎ 133
π
︎ Jun 28 2021
Why don't dinosaurs make good pets?
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Apr 07 2021
You can't plant flowers
π︎ 147
π
︎ Jun 22 2021
At least he won't turn over in his grave.
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Mar 27 2021
I haven't moved a muscle in over a year. I thought it was nothing to celebrate.
Imagine my surprise when my doctor told me I was getting a trophy.
π︎ 238
π
︎ Jun 24 2021
I quit my job as a personal trainer because I wasnβt strong enough
Just submitted my too-weak notice
Edit: my instead of by
π︎ 302
π
︎ Jun 19 2021
Why couldn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because he didn't habenaro.
π︎ 446
π
︎ Jun 13 2021
People who don't know the difference between the words burro and burrow
don't know their ass from a hole in the ground
π︎ 98
π
︎ Jul 02 2021
Mountains aren't just funny
π︎ 262
π
︎ Jun 19 2021
Batman invited the Justice League to an evening discussing Bitcoin investments but the Superman didn't go because it was,
π︎ 338
π
︎ Jun 21 2021
If a cow doesn't produce milk is it a milk dud?
π︎ 111
π
︎ Jun 25 2021
If you can't appreciate this, please furgive me
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Mar 12 2021
Matthew McConaugheyβs new book is a great read, but he almost didnβt write itβ¦
After some convincing from family and friends he finally said, βIβll write, Iβll write, Iβll write.β
π︎ 85
π
︎ Jul 05 2021
Noone Loves You, a t-shirt concept. [OC]
π︎ 15
π
︎ Jun 20 2021
What kind of bird doesnβt know the words to their own song?
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Apr 30 2021
People who can't distinguish between etymology and entomology:
You bug me in ways I can't put into words
π︎ 396
π
︎ Jun 13 2021
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
