I'm running a D&D campaign and I figured out the best riddle for the players to solve to open a door.
"Take thine father's blade and ascend!"
>!The solution is Pa's Sword 1234!<
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︎ May 03 2021
A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y,Z
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︎ Dec 25 2020
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called '1001 cures for itches."
I guess, I've got to start again from scratch.
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︎ Nov 16 2020
A, B, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, & Z are all racists.. How do I know?
Because they're all not 'C's.
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︎ Dec 11 2019
My imterviewer asked me why I put A, C, D, E, I, M, N, O, R, and T on my application.
I told him they were the letters of recommendation.
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︎ Jul 10 2020
Communism sounds good on paper, but I'm not sure I'd trust it to work...
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︎ Jun 25 2020
They told me I'd never be good at poetry because I'm dyslexic.
But so far I've made 3 jugs and a vase and they're lovely.
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︎ Feb 24 2020
Iβm proud of my son, I never thought heβd go so far
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︎ Apr 16 2020
Iβm abscessβd with puns
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︎ Jun 16 2020
They told me Iβd never be good at Poetry because Iβm Dyslexic.
But so far Iβve made 2 Vases and a Jug and they are lovely.
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︎ Oct 25 2018
I'd like to believe I'm okay at art, but
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︎ Feb 19 2020
I thought my wife was joking when she said she'd leave me if I didn't stop singing βI'm a Believerβ..
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︎ Apr 01 2020
I'm a trucker. My dispatcher texted me to ask if I'd picked up a load of frozen toast. This was my response...
20,000lb of frozen bread so clearly I'm loafing along and a gluten for punishment.
Bad puns are the yeast of my problems. This load takes me to the upper crust, but if I don't get it in on time I'm toast!
Sorry about my rye sense of humor...
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︎ Jun 25 2019
Can I play World War Z without having played World War A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X and Y before?
/r/ShouldIbuythisgame/comβ¦
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︎ Mar 27 2020
Son: Dad, whatβs your favorite rock group? Dad: If Iβm being subjective, Iβd say The Who.
But if Iβm being objective, Iβd say The Whom.
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︎ Jul 18 2018
Really excited to be going to this rock concert, I'd love to crowdsurf but I'm slightly concerned
I might get a bit carried away.
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︎ Jan 27 2020
Where did Dr. Pepper get his M.D from?
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︎ Dec 08 2019
Iβm looking for punny popsicle names. Iβd like them to be a play on actual names like Pop Ross, Mary Pop-pins, Pop Seger, Albert Ice-stein, Freezy F Baby, David Pop-perfield, and Iggy Pop. Iβm particularly interested in playing upon the names of historical female figures. Help please and thank you!
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︎ Jul 18 2019
My job is telling genuine trees apart from fake trees. I was so worried I'd be bad at it but as it happens I'm quite good.
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︎ Sep 20 2019
A trio of jokes I'm hitting my students with today. Yesterday I was told my jokes were "so bad that I shouldn't ever tell a joke again." =D
Q: What is the average math teacher?
A: mean
Q: What dessert do math teachers eat the most?
A: pie a la mode
Q: Where does the average cop hide when catching people for speeding?
A: The highway median
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︎ Jun 03 2015
I'm a street performer at the Minnesota Renaissance Festival. I tell punny jokes there, thought you'd enjoy them.
The King is in love with the Spanish Armada, in fact you could say he warships it.
I got into a fight with a group of jesters, I escaped by going for the juggler.
I recently read "Gulliver's Travels" it was a Swift read.
Have you read the book about traveling through hell? It's a Dante-ing read.
Q: How many animals can you fight into the Lord High Sheriff's tights?
A: Ten piggies, two calves, a rooster and an ass.
Vikings raided the royal cheese supply, they left nothing behind but de Brie.
I met a wizard, I told him he looked like a mana action.
The unskilled mason forget to put a water supply in the new castle. He did not keep well.
The angry archer was so surly he had everyone convinced he was a cross bowman.
The failed stone cutter also lost his job as a bounty hunter. He could never find his quarry.
The nun kept spilling sacramental wine on herself. She made a bad habit of it.
The pope enjoys chocolate on his boat. He like sailing indulgences.
The pope loves summer, they say he is infallible.
Two fae fell in love. They keep fauning over each other.
The knight suffered from boils, he had to get them lanced.
Why did the wood nymph use some much lotion? Because she had dryad skin.
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︎ Sep 09 2016
I'd break my neck to prove I'm not masochistic.
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︎ Dec 31 2018
W.M.D
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︎ Dec 21 2017
I phoned up the place where I'd applied for a job at. I said, "I'm looking for Jane Wilkinson. The manager of the department."
She said, "Speaking...?"
I said, "English."
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︎ Jul 04 2018
My dad has a Ph.D. and M.D...
Everytime the waitress brings food to our table he shouts "Just what the doctor ordered!"
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︎ Aug 19 2013
Iβd tell you a joke about construction but Iβm still working on it.
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︎ Sep 05 2018
I didn't think I'd get lost at sea, but now I'm not so shore.
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︎ Jan 29 2018
[REQUEST] I'm looking for the best comeback to the old schoolyard joke, "Do you like seeeeee food?" While smacking and showing off the half chewed mouthful of lunchable they'd just choked down....
And I know most of you here can do better than my,
While stiff arming their face, "I don't wanna seeeeee yo food."
Do you get it? Do ya, cause it's about turning the joke back... You get it right?
Anyway, help a guy increase his dadjoke street cred with his kiddo and his lunchroom hecklers.
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︎ Nov 30 2015
I'd like to think I'm like a rare mushroom...
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︎ Jun 28 2017
I'm not a dad, but I guess I'd be an alright one.
A wall clock had stopped working so I changed the batteries:
Dad: did you fix it?
Me: only time will tell.
Got em.
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︎ Aug 26 2015
I'm considering buying this photo, but I can't decide if that'd be exercising good Juddgment or not.
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︎ May 18 2017
So I'm in D.C. visiting my dad.
We've just finished our thanksgiving shopping, when we pass by the Turkish embassy. My dad then exclaims, "I guess that's where we should've gotten the turkey!"
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︎ Nov 27 2013
A little Christmas song. A B C D E F G H I J K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L...
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︎ Dec 02 2020
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called '1,001 cures for itches.'
I guess I'll have to start again from scratch.
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︎ Jun 01 2020
My wife told me to stop singing "I'm A Believer" or she'd kill me. I thought she was kidding.
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︎ Feb 06 2019
I thought my wife was joking when she said she'd leave me if I didn't stop singing "I'm a Believer."
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︎ Mar 06 2020
I thought my wife was joking when she said she'd leave me if I didn't stop singing "I'm a believer"...
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︎ Apr 26 2020
I thought my wife was joking when she said she'd leave me if I didn't stop singing 'I'm A Believer'...
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︎ May 10 2019
I have updated the alphabet for festive period. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z
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︎ Dec 11 2019
My wife told me to quit singing βIβm a Believerβ or sheβd leave me. I thought she was joking.
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︎ Feb 07 2019
They told me Iβd never be good at poetry because Iβm dyslexic
But so far Iβve made 3 jugs and a vase and theyβre lovely.
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︎ Nov 02 2018
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