M Systems Puns

You could say I'm a pro-grammer.

Me (dad): You're going to redo the whole solar system?

My dad: Yeah, we're gonna put in a new transformer and replace some cable and add some panels.

Me: But where are you gonna put Jupiter?

My son: Daaaaaad!

I only rate it one star

I will call it, "Sure-lock Homes".

Maybe, I just have a weekend immune system.

I said it must be my weekend immune system

So we had this issue yesterday where secure shell commands were failing from our newly enabled backup system to a downstream application.

I logged in manually using the correct credentials to confirm the keys were fine, but I noticed it was the first time in known hosts, so i typed “yes” to put the entry in and figured that would fix it.

When the problem came back today, I was surprised at first, but then it hit me...

Same ssh -t different server...

The singer had a Weeknd immune system.

An over-active nervous system.

A sprinkle system.

A sprinkler system and it irrigated her

There was, for instance, the time he conducted a crew of new S.A.R.H. (Society for the Aesthetic Rearrangement of History -BJ) recruits – all from late twentieth-century Terra – on a training study of Carter’s World, a newly established agricultural colony attempting to support itself by the export of edible nuts. Barely into their second generation, and having yet to show a profit, the colonists were technologically backward. Nevertheless, they showed a surprising ingenuity in the use of their few advantages. It was this resourcefulness that Feghoot was demonstrating to his rookies.

“Look at the perfection with which these streets are graded”, exclaimed one student. “Earth-moving machinery on this scale is strictly high technology stuff. How can they do it?”

“A new alleyway is being constructed, nearby”, said Feghoot. “Let us walk that way while I explain.” As they strolled, he told his students that countless centuries before, the Carter’s World system had been inhabited by a now-vanished race of giants. This very planet had served them for a nursery, and among the many artifacts they had left were thousands of childrens blocks, immense and precision-cut. You simply jack one up onto logs, bring it where you want it, put collapsible jacks underneath, snake out the logs, spread soil more or less evenly beneath, and collapse the jacks.

“I see”, said the student. “It’s not graded road at all; its a simple hammered-earth base.”

“That’s right,” Feghoot went on smoothly. “You just hit the road jack and don’t come back no mo.”

His students registered dismay and anguish.

“Isn’t that right, old-timer?,” Feghoot demanded of an ancient Carterian standing by the mouth of the newly completed alley they had just reached.

“Ahm afraid not, suh”, said the senior citizen, and the students giggled at Feghoots discomfiture. “Oh, we used to do it that way, but it was far too much trouble. It’s the soil heah. You see, the very same soil which produced our famous cashews is so high in clay content that a child could roll out a road of it. Then, we simply use a system of lenses to bake it into hardness. Ahve just completed this alley mahself, and ahm just a retired professor of Sports History, much too old and feeble to handle hydraulic jacks.

“So you see,” he finished, eyes twinkling, “Mah hammered alley is really cashews clay.”

Howls of agony rose from the students, but Feghoot never hesitated. “And he”, he said, turning to his students, “is clearly the gradi

A main part of my body is called the nervous system

or else I'ma start singing "WHO LENT THE DOG ZOUT"

(Alright I think these are out of my system... no promises)

But most have only four

They have a good immooon system

Using the mildewey decimal system!

This contrasts with the modern system, where tor is for both men and women, and trix are for kids.

Hope this is the right sub but this is something I need to share. Do not eat peanuts right now, if you do examine them carefully. There has been a fungus that has infected most of the peanut crops in north America. From the outside they look fine but if you bite into the nut you may notice a small black center. By then it's too late. The black center at early stages can cause digestive issues but if the entire nut is black it can cause failure of the nervous system and respiratory complications. There are pests that have laid their eggs in these plants and tiny microorganisms have developed in these plants. They leech into the fruit causing the black color. Ingestion can cause all sorts of troubles from diarrhea to death. These creatures are fatal. That's why you should always watch out for the creature from the black legume.

He called it the Dewey deci-mole system..

1: it has to be a CompSci engineer, judging by the brain’s complexity

2: you’re wrong, it was a Mechanics engineer, look at the muscle and skeleton systems working as one

3: you’re both wrong, it was an Urban Planner, otherwise waste and entertainment areas wouldn’t be adjacent.

It’s the weekend immune system.

By the Dewey Hexadecimal System!

Just to take the edge off

If the metric system is so smart then why are all of the scientific breakthroughs measured in milestones

The Semi-truck’s digestive system

The nervous system

In my opinion we should beat the shit out of constipated people because:

1. Laxatives are an unhealthy way of dealing with feces. On the other hand, beating the shit out of someone is a good way to practice sports activities like, running, grip strength, punching techniques etc.

2. Other methods of dealing with feces take alot of money. Laxatives aren't cheap in our flawed healthcare system! On the other hand, there are people that are willing to pay you to beat the shit out of you. By using this method you can become richer and deal with your shitty problems.

3. Constipation requires being in the bathroom for a long time. This can be very lonely for the people involved. However, beating the shit out of others can be done in any place. Your home, the local park, or even the shady street corner! Not only that it's a very social activity, requiring a minimum of at least 2 people, but usually done in groups of 2-5 people.

Although some people might say, that beating the shit out of each other is violent, most of them have never been to a public toilet and hence are unable to realize how much more painful and violent the alternative is.

In summery, beating the shit out of people is a good, legitimate, and affordable alternative to laxatives and is a better, more progressive way, to deal with constipation.

It's just a lack of the confidence system.

Unlike the grocery store, the clinic isn't adopting the "curbside pee-cup" system.

Terrible joke, only 3 stars.

Edit: I've been told there is a triple star system and a binary pair so it may be 6 star joke

" It's my new counting system, see that special collar on me dog, it's got a camera and it scans the sheep as the dog rounds them up. "

"Damn me, what'll they think of next? What's it called?"

"Baa codes mate"

The health of your digestive system is too important to leave up to amateur biotics

They checked the reviews of our solar system and only saw one star

Me: Why is Eurovision going to look so good on TV this year?

Dad: Why?

Me: Because it’s 2020

Me: Plumbing is like the digestive system of a house, and turning on the taps is like it going pee.

Dad: Okay?

Me: Let that sink in.

It was an automated phone system which said, "Press 1 for the money, 2 for the show…"

I said, “It must be my weekend immune system.”

Me: It must be my weakened immune system.

I said it must be my weekend immune system

Because I have a weekend immune system

I must have a weekend immune system...

I said, "It must be my weekend immune system."

The nervous system...