As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field.
But hay – it’s in my jeans.
I’m starting a charity today teaching maths to short people.
It’s called making the little things count.
I’m thinking about coming up with an offensive joke that I could tell to little people..
But really I don’t want to stoop that low.
I’m starting a flight company exclusively for bald people, I’ll call it
What starts with M, ends with E and can bring two people eternal happiness?
Me...
I'm a divorce lawyer.
People always tell me I’m too patronising
That means I treat them as if they’re stupid.
I’ve seen a lot of abortion protesters on Twitter lately, but I’m not sure they’re real people.
I’m not a big fan of people singing in groups.
It must be an a-choir-ed taste.
I’m really going to try to be less condescending to people.
Condescending means to talk down to someone.
As I get older and I think about all the people I’ve lost along the way, I’m beginning to think to myself…
…maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t for me.
I’m done being a people pleaser.
If everyone’s OK with that.
People say I’m too apathetic.
Like a bunch of people here I’m bad at titles
It’s been years since the show ended, and I’m a little annoyed that people are still making ‘Friends’ references.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
People say I’m a plagiarist.
I’m really loving the tree puns people are posting
They’re just such lightwooded jokes but I understand that it doesn’t teaks everyone’s fancy. I’m running out of tree puns so I might have to branch off to other puns or spruce up my current ones
I’m not sure why people refer to women’s privates as a flower
I’m thinking about becoming a proctologist who offers advice regarding people’s butts.
Anything I can rectum mend?
People are usually shocked when they find out I’m not a very good electrician
People are so sad I’m not entering the bake off this year.
Even their cakes are in tiers.
I’m trying to be a sociopath, but I’m not that great in manipulating people.
I’m more of a so-so path.
I’m a proud dad. My daughter just told me this joke. In Hawaii, do people laugh loud?
Or is it a low ha (Aloha)
People keep telling me I’m the worst mailman they’ve ever seen.
Shit, I meant to post this somewhere else.
People say I’m like a broken record
People say I’m like a broken record
I just found out Michael Stipe from R.E.M. died, and only two people know..
That's me and the coroner.
Got offered a voice-acting role in the new Emoji movie sequel. They want me to play the Poop Emoji. People say I should accept the role and be grateful, but I’m holding out for a classier part...
...I will not be deterred!!
People think I’m addicted to drinking brake fluid
I always say, “I can stop whenever I want.”
People always say I’m stubborn
But I’ll never believe them.
I’m going to write a book about how to make people agree with you.
Its going to be called The Brible.
I’m not sure why people continue to argue and complain about Star Wars
It was a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away
Who is Fleur Ting, and why do people assume I’m her while I talk to girls?
I’m turning 50 soon and will tell people I’ve become part Roman for the rest of my life...
You know, because I’ll be a half century on...
People are wondering whether I have any more of these bracelets - I’m a frayed knot
I’m starting a support group for people whose pun’s aren’t appreciated.
MRW people tell me I’m too negative
I’m starting a school to teach short people math.
It’s called the little things count.
I’m starting a charity to teach short people maths...
It’s called, “Making the Little Things Count”
People say I’m a plagiarist...
People are usually shocked when they find out I’m not a very good electrician.
People say I’m like a broken record...
People say I’m like a broken record...
People say I’m like a broken record...
I’m trying to be a sociopath, but I realized I’m not great in manipulating people.
When people find out I’m not a very good electrician
I’m done being a people pleaser
If everyone’s ok with that
I’m done being a people pleaser
If everyone’s okay with that
I’m done being a people pleaser.
If everyone’s okay with that.
People are usually shocked when they find out I’m not a good electrician.
People are usually shocked when they find out I’m not a good electrician
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