A list of puns related to "Lone Star Funds"
Edit: Author's Note
Thanks to everyone who made this blow up! You can find Part 2 here:
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I nervously stand as the shuttlecraft lands. My specialty in the extraction of carbon-based materials has finally earned me the promotion to manage a territory of my own. The catch is relocation to a world controlled by the Lone Star Republic, or LSR. I know several of my rivals passed on the opportunity for that reason.
My career has brought me in contact with many formidable personalities, but this is the first time I feel truly out of my depth. I hear many things about Terrans, but the LSR has a particularly terrifying reputation.
The rest of the galaxy already considers Terrans ultimate warriors prone to overkill, and apparently Terrans feel the same way about the LSR. That is why the LSRβs independence charter includes conditions for a military alliance with the Terrans. I do not quite know what to expect, but I know to stay on my guard.
Right as I enter the shuttle port, I cannot help but notice the gigantic sign reading βWelcome Yβallβ and the flags everywhere. This is not like an embassy flying many different flags as a symbol of diplomacy. All the flags are identical with a simple design of two stripes and one star.
Many of the people here dress very differently from other Terrans. Most notably several have enormous hats and ornate footwear of all different colors, but just about everybody wears blue pants for some reason.
Before I can fully take in my surroundings, I see a particularly big human holding a sign with my name on it. Thank the gods, that must be my contact. Time to introduce myself. Hopefully I will survive the encounter.
βHello, I am Exigil Styrznok. Are you here for me?β
Now the big human is baring all his teeth and moving towards me. Oh no. I must have triggered his predator instinct! He is about to eat me alive! To my astonishment, the big human enthusiastically greets me.
βHell yeah Iβm here for you! Welcome to Alamo. My name is Jeff Thornton. Right this way partner.β
I follow him bewildered, but it at least I am in the right place. Jeff leads me outside to a gigantic vehicle clearly designed for off-road use. The back portion appears missin
... keep reading on reddit β‘Last week, SOURCE provided Texas Scorecard with a spreadsheet showing more than 540 individual Texas Soldiers with pay issues.
Gov. Greg Abbott claimed he only knew of 84. Was he misled, or was he misleading others?
Mr. Beto would like to have a conversation with Operation Lone Star Soldiers and Airmen to hear you out regarding the challenges you face on OLS. This is anonymous and off the record. Gina can be reached at +1 (210) 422-9078 or gina.hinojosa03@gmail.com. He might be traveling to the border as soon as this week.
βAuthorβs Noteβ
Wow Part 1 really blew up! Thank you to everyone who upvoted and commented. I had some extra time this afternoon, so without further ado I present Part 2.
ββββββββ
I watch out the window while the city of New Houston fades into beautiful countryside with farmland, livestock, and occasional extraction machines. Outside of New Houston and a few other cities, apparently most of Alamo is devoted to agriculture and mineral extraction.
My mind has no conception how much distance makes up βover yonder a ways,β but I hope it comes up soon. As Jeff pulls over, I quickly check the map on my portable device. 28.6 galactic distance units. Got it. Now I should be able to more effectively ask for directions.
Jeff also checks the map on his device, then casually states βthis looks like a good spot. You ready to have some fun with the truck gun?β
He must be joking. Unleashing a Terran kinetic weapon out in the open?! How am I supposed to explain this to the authorities if we get caught? Then I realize⦠IF we get caught. We are far enough away from the city that we might just get away with it. For this chance, I am willing to take the risk.
Before we even leave the truck, Jeff looks right at me seriously. I can tell he is about to say something important.
βExigil, before we get started you need to know some basic safety rules. These rules are how my people handle military grade hardware without getting hurt.β
I give Jeff my undivided attention and focus. βProceed.β
βFirst and foremost, always keep the gun in a safe direction. Only point it at something you are ready to absolutely destroy.β
Got it. That one is pretty self explanatory. I nod.
βSecond, treat every gun as loaded, even if you think it is not.β
Okay, now I am confused. βWhat? Is this some kind of Schrodingerβs Cat thing?β
βNo, nothing like that. It means be extra careful and donβt fool around just because you think the gun is empty. If you are mistaken, the results can be disastrous.β
That one makes sense too. Sadly, I guess that means no recreating some great movie scenes.
βThird, keep your finger off the trigger until you are ready to fire. These devices have rather sensitive trigger mechanisms.β
Looks like I will be keeping one hand completely away from this thing for a bit.
βFourth, know your target and what is behind it.β
βHold on, Jeff. Why do I need to know what is behind it? Donβt kinetic rifles just hit and cause immense damage?β
Jeff shakes his head and forms what I
... keep reading on reddit β‘Iβm a big hockey fan in the metroplex area, but stars games can be a little expensive. I know the original Brahmas arenβt a team anymore, but Iβve learned that they are back. Has anyone been to a game in recent years, is it worth it?
Edit: Thanks for all the responses everyone! Go Stars!
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