No one will listen to White Snake with me
SO here I go again on my own
No one likes to listen to whitesnake with me
So here I go again on my own
My wife just said: "You never listen to me!"
And I thought that was a weird way to start a conversation.
My wife tells me not to listen to the voices that bring me down and make me feel worthless.
She also complains that I never listen to her.
My son asked me “What music did you listen to when you were young?” I said, “Pete Townshend”.
My son: Who?
Me: Exactly.
My son asked me, “What was your favourite music to listen to when growing up?” I said, “Led Zeppelin”.
My son: Who?
Me: Yes, they were good too.
My wife keeps telling me I listen to too much Milli Vanilli.
"I make the rules in this house, son. You're going to have to listen to me for the rest of your life."
"You mean for the rest of your life, dad."
Today my wife told me, “You better listen to me or ...”
I don’t remember the rest of what she said.
Me: Why doesn’t any one listen to me?
Dad: what did you say?
Me: Why! ....
Her: You only half-listen to me! You are in a boat load of trouble!
Me: Why would we buy a boat?
First you listen to me, then you eat me. What am I?
You know why the dog only listens to me?
Because I speak Españiel.
My dad told me not to listen to loud music.
He said it was sound advice.
Nobody lended me an ear to listen to this one...
We had corn on the cob for dinner tonight.
My mom: "The corn was off the chain tonight!"
Me: "No, the corn is off the cob."
Which went largely ignored as i chuckled to myself about it.
My Grandpa had to listen to me whine about my homework
G-grandpa M-Me
M- complains about homework
G- You know, sometimes I have a bad attitude as well. Have I ever told you about my Rectum Oculus?
M- ????
G- I have a nerve in my rectum that connects to my eyeball.
M- What?
G- Sometimes, I have a shitty outlook on life.
My 6 year old daughter was listening to music with me and came up with this one: What is a bananas favorite Tom Petty song?
You Dont Know How It Peels
My wife told me she's been listening to Serial
I said "Oh? That's interesting. I typically eat it."
I hate it when my wife says "Are you listening to me?!"
Such a random way to start a conversation.
Me: “Oh, I wish I’d listened to my mother” Friend: “Why? What’d she tell you?”
Me: “I don’t know, I wasn’t listening”
"All you're doing is listening to what I say to tell me I'm wrong!"
I tried telling my friend some deer fun facts but he wasn't interested in listening to me.
I feel he isn't fawned of them.
My wife said she wants me to stop listening to Wonderwall…
I was just sitting on the couch when my friend tells me, “your not even listening to me.”
I thought that’s a very weird way to start a conversation.
Listening to sonic heroes makes me want to destroy a certain amount of robots
My wife looked at me the other day and said “You’re not listening to anything I’ve said!”
I said to her “There are better ways to start a conversation.”
I hate it when my wife says, "Are you listening to me?".
I'm not 'Listening To Me', I'm Dad!
Girl asked me to stop listening to Wonderwall.
My wife told me I wasn't very good at listening - that it was time to make some changes and she needed some distance.
So I bought her an alarm clock with a remote control.
My daughter yelled at me, “DAAAAAAAD! You haven’t been listening to a word I’ve said, have you?”
What a strange way to start a conversation
My family must be getting tired of listening to me talk about creating computer parts...
I made my own mother bored.
Someone just caught me listening to a cheesy early 2000s boy band
My 6 year-old got me this morning listening to "Black Widow" in the car.
Him - Why is it called "Black Widow, Baby"?
Me - Because Black Widows are notorious for killing their husbands.
Him - It should be called "Black Bear Pirate"
Me - Why?
Him - Because they say "You should've known better than to mess with me honey."
Me: "I wish I listened to what my grandma always said."
Friend: "What did she say?"
Me: "I don't know I wasn't listening"
My dad asked me the other day: "Are you even listening to me?"
Which is a really weird way to start a conversation if you ask me.
Listening to smooth jazz always helps me fall asleep.
It a sure way to get my mellow tones in.
I've been listening to Pink Floyd's The Wall lately and my friends tell me I need drugs to have a good experience with it
But I don't think I need anything at all.
My wife told me “you’re not even listening to what I’m saying”
I thought, “that’s a weird way to start a conversation”
True story
Listening to the video of 4 Russian girls singing beautifully. My wife hears and asks me if they are Russian.
I said no, they were taking their time.
Dad got me while listening to the radio...
Dad and I were listening to the radio and a commercial for Windows comes on that says: "call now for a free quote!" To which my dad replies, "ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country". Then he started laughing out loud. It took me a minute but finally realized what in the world he was talking about.
My wife left me because I made too many Green Day references
Do you have the time to listen to me whine
I have a deaf ex-friend,
I left him because he never listens to me!
No one wants to listen to Whitesnake with me !
So here I go again on my own
Nobody wants to listen to White Snake with me.
So here I go again on my own.
Son: Dad, what music did you listen to growing up? Me: Led Zeppelin.
Son: Who?
Me: Yeah. I liked them too.
My wife asked me to stop listening to Oasis
My daughter to me. "Daaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you?"
Me: "What a strange way to start a conversation with me."
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