No one will listen to White Snake with me
SO here I go again on my own
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︎ Mar 31 2021
No one likes to listen to whitesnake with me
So here I go again on my own
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︎ May 03 2021
My wife just said: "You never listen to me!"
And I thought that was a weird way to start a conversation.
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︎ Feb 18 2021
My wife tells me not to listen to the voices that bring me down and make me feel worthless.
She also complains that I never listen to her.
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︎ Feb 20 2021
My son asked me โWhat music did you listen to when you were young?โ I said, โPete Townshendโ.
My son: Who?
Me: Exactly.
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︎ Sep 11 2020
My son asked me, โWhat was your favourite music to listen to when growing up?โ I said, โLed Zeppelinโ.
My son: Who?
Me: Yes, they were good too.
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︎ Jun 02 2020
My wife keeps telling me I listen to too much Milli Vanilli.
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︎ Nov 08 2019
"I make the rules in this house, son. You're going to have to listen to me for the rest of your life."
"You mean for the rest of your life, dad."
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︎ Aug 28 2019
Today my wife told me, โYou better listen to me or ...โ
I donโt remember the rest of what she said.
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︎ Apr 07 2019
Me: Why doesnโt any one listen to me?
Dad: what did you say?
Me: Why! ....
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︎ May 30 2019
Her: You only half-listen to me! You are in a boat load of trouble!
Me: Why would we buy a boat?
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︎ Nov 28 2018
First you listen to me, then you eat me. What am I?
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︎ Mar 25 2018
You know why the dog only listens to me?
Because I speak Espaรฑiel.
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︎ Mar 06 2018
My dad told me not to listen to loud music.
He said it was sound advice.
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︎ Sep 29 2016
Nobody lended me an ear to listen to this one...
We had corn on the cob for dinner tonight.
My mom: "The corn was off the chain tonight!"
Me: "No, the corn is off the cob."
Which went largely ignored as i chuckled to myself about it.
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︎ Jul 23 2016
My Grandpa had to listen to me whine about my homework
G-grandpa M-Me
M- complains about homework
G- You know, sometimes I have a bad attitude as well. Have I ever told you about my Rectum Oculus?
M- ????
G- I have a nerve in my rectum that connects to my eyeball.
M- What?
G- Sometimes, I have a shitty outlook on life.
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︎ Sep 11 2013
My 6 year old daughter was listening to music with me and came up with this one: What is a bananas favorite Tom Petty song?
You Dont Know How It Peels
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︎ Apr 02 2021
My wife told me she's been listening to Serial
I said "Oh? That's interesting. I typically eat it."
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︎ Apr 30 2021
I hate it when my wife says "Are you listening to me?!"
Such a random way to start a conversation.
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︎ Jun 14 2020
Me: โOh, I wish Iโd listened to my motherโ Friend: โWhy? Whatโd she tell you?โ
Me: โI donโt know, I wasnโt listeningโ
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︎ Feb 12 2021
"All you're doing is listening to what I say to tell me I'm wrong!"
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︎ Jan 31 2021
I tried telling my friend some deer fun facts but he wasn't interested in listening to me.
I feel he isn't fawned of them.
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︎ Dec 04 2020
My wife said she wants me to stop listening to Wonderwallโฆ
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︎ May 24 2020
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︎ Oct 17 2020
I was just sitting on the couch when my friend tells me, โyour not even listening to me.โ
I thought thatโs a very weird way to start a conversation.
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︎ Aug 29 2020
Listening to sonic heroes makes me want to destroy a certain amount of robots
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︎ Sep 24 2020
My wife looked at me the other day and said โYouโre not listening to anything Iโve said!โ
I said to her โThere are better ways to start a conversation.โ
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︎ Jul 03 2020
I hate it when my wife says, "Are you listening to me?".
I'm not 'Listening To Me', I'm Dad!
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︎ Jun 21 2020
Girl asked me to stop listening to Wonderwall.
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︎ Jul 23 2019
My wife told me I wasn't very good at listening - that it was time to make some changes and she needed some distance.
So I bought her an alarm clock with a remote control.
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︎ Feb 12 2020
My daughter yelled at me, โDAAAAAAAD! You havenโt been listening to a word Iโve said, have you?โ
What a strange way to start a conversation
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︎ Apr 20 2019
My family must be getting tired of listening to me talk about creating computer parts...
I made my own mother bored.
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︎ Oct 07 2019
Someone just caught me listening to a cheesy early 2000s boy band
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︎ Oct 30 2019
My 6 year-old got me this morning listening to "Black Widow" in the car.
Him - Why is it called "Black Widow, Baby"?
Me - Because Black Widows are notorious for killing their husbands.
Him - It should be called "Black Bear Pirate"
Me - Why?
Him - Because they say "You should've known better than to mess with me honey."
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︎ Dec 12 2014
Me: "I wish I listened to what my grandma always said."
Friend: "What did she say?"
Me: "I don't know I wasn't listening"
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︎ May 23 2019
My dad asked me the other day: "Are you even listening to me?"
Which is a really weird way to start a conversation if you ask me.
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︎ May 16 2018
Listening to smooth jazz always helps me fall asleep.
It a sure way to get my mellow tones in.
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︎ Nov 12 2018
I've been listening to Pink Floyd's The Wall lately and my friends tell me I need drugs to have a good experience with it
But I don't think I need anything at all.
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︎ Oct 10 2015
My wife told me โyouโre not even listening to what Iโm sayingโ
I thought, โthatโs a weird way to start a conversationโ
True story
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︎ Apr 03 2018
Listening to the video of 4 Russian girls singing beautifully. My wife hears and asks me if they are Russian.
I said no, they were taking their time.
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︎ Feb 07 2015
Dad got me while listening to the radio...
Dad and I were listening to the radio and a commercial for Windows comes on that says: "call now for a free quote!" To which my dad replies, "ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country".ย Then he started laughing out loud. It took me a minute but finally realized what in the world he was talking about.
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︎ Feb 06 2015
My wife left me because I made too many Green Day references
Do you have the time to listen to me whine
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︎ Jan 10 2021
I have a deaf ex-friend,
I left him because he never listens to me!
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︎ Jan 31 2021
No one wants to listen to Whitesnake with me !
So here I go again on my own
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︎ Jul 11 2020
Nobody wants to listen to White Snake with me.
So here I go again on my own.
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︎ Sep 10 2019
Son: Dad, what music did you listen to growing up? Me: Led Zeppelin.
Son: Who?
Me: Yeah. I liked them too.
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︎ Jul 06 2018
My wife asked me to stop listening to Oasis
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︎ Dec 04 2019
My daughter to me. "Daaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you?"
Me: "What a strange way to start a conversation with me."
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︎ Oct 21 2019
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